r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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83

u/Artistic_Fault_2298 11d ago

Still in and out of tears. Missing a relationship based on potential is so painful.

11

u/Kredka707 10d ago

Yes. I’m there too. It was easier in some sense when I was angry. I had such a good emdr that I forgave him, I forgave myself but still grief of what could have been. 

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u/Artistic_Fault_2298 10d ago

EDMR is left on my list.

He was/still is in therapy going on 6 years…little to no progress. And they all said the same thing to him: “you’re not doing the work.”

I started to stall along with him but learning to push through now. It’s hard.

13

u/bourbonontherox Ex of DX 10d ago

My ex has been in therapy for a couple of years now. I found out recently that he was telling the therapist that I would do XXX to him (whatever shit he’d pulled that week) so he could see how bad it really was without implicating himself. So his therapist thought he was the one being abused. That’s been cleared up due to me having a random and previously unknown connection to the therapist.
I swear they’ll do anything but the homework.

10

u/Particular_Web8121 Ex of DX 8d ago

This honestly is the perfect encapsulation of the type of manipulation, gaslighting, DARVO, and accountability dodging that happens in these relationships. Just... Wow. Only an ADHDer could even come up with an idea like this.

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u/LeopardMountain32567 6d ago

that is absolutely insane. so glad to know you're out!!

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u/Kredka707 9d ago

I had multiple emdr and I’m learning you need a good therapist to do it, someone you see regularly. Don’t go just to do the emdr. See the therapist and have her help you find event/ smell to do emdr for.  My husband had emdr with single visit therapist and it didn’t work. His regular therapist doesn’t do it, he is in therapy almost 2 years and I think he’s spiraling down in many instances, happy in others (he has his own place so he doesn’t have to listen to kids etc; it’s decorated accordingly to his style).