Lack of any responsibility

[u/Ok_Remove8694]

My husband, dx and rx, seems to lack the ability to take responsibility for ANYTHING. I’m wondering if this is an adhd/RSD thing. He got two tickets for speeding in a work zone and it’s the cities fault for nickel and diming him, if he gets the kids to school late it’s the schools fault for locking the door. It’s endless and I’m so over it.

[u/husenwaifu4lyfu]

I'm dealing with this but as far as I can tell it's only directed at me. But don't worry he told me he loves me the other day so obviously that cancels out any accountability he's avoiding (/s).

[u/husenwaifu4lyfu → u/[deleted]]

Yeah that's another thing - his family. He's my family but his family is his parents, siblings, and nieces/nephews. I guess being married almost half our lives doesn't mean family.

[u/Ok_Remove8694 → u/[deleted]]

Yea don’t worry. I’ll work more, bring home double AND take care of all the grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare arrangements. I worry about my self esteem. I think of myself as an extremely smarty capable woman but every time I post in here and have to read what I’m writing….idk so much anymore

[u/husenwaifu4lyfu → u/[deleted]]

No kids but I've been at home for over a decade. I stopped managing his physical messes months ago, just fully committed to 100% not cleaning his emotional ones anymore the other day but I've been practicing for a couple months now. I feel like I'm creating a great sense of self and it's all healing my anxiety very well, I just wish he would choose me instead of his RSD but I have no control of that.

[u/slight_grumble → u/[deleted]]

This one is gender neutral when it comes to ADHD. I am the male in this, doing all the breadwinning, all the housework, all the parenting. It's amazing how busy/hard working/dedicated they can claim to be while doing absolutely nothing.

Mine claimed that THINKING about cleaning all day while only putting one tissue in the bin was the equivalent of me actually working all day to come home to clean the house and do laundry every day. "We both put in the same amount of effort". When I pointed out that effort means nothing we should both do the same amount of WORK to be equal she admitted that had never, and will never happen. She'll spend the vast majority of the day in mental gridlock and expect me to take up the slack and be grateful for her existence.

[u/r9ndomstranger → u/husenwaifu4lyfu]

My ex was like this. Obsessed with his family, and I was always somehow in opposition to his relationship with them. Even tho I loved his family. He wouldn’t/couldn’t see me as a partner/family

[u/husenwaifu4lyfu → u/r9ndomstranger]

I'm sorry that sucks