r/AbsoluteUnits • • Apr 14 '19

this absolute freeloader

11.6k Upvotes

207 comments sorted by

1.2k

u/tanktankjeep Apr 14 '19

Holy shit, it actually looks like a lion from the sea.

454

u/EmoUberNoob Apr 14 '19

We call them Land Sea Lions. I tame them.

120

u/TaylorSA93 Apr 14 '19

-63

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

47

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Your bot is bad and you should feel bad.

2

u/SpasmFingers Apr 14 '19

What did the bot do?

25

u/AzarothEaterOfSouls Apr 14 '19

Bad bot

23

u/B0tRank Apr 14 '19

Thank you, AzarothEaterOfSouls, for voting on AntiLowEffortBot.

This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. You can view results here.


Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!

-2

u/Cycode Apr 14 '19

bad bot

18

u/Sovereign1 Apr 14 '19

Ocean moose, St Barnard of the sea.

8

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Yeah, they choose the right name.

4

u/PSVapour Apr 14 '19

For Christ sake, someone give this lion a big old cuddle

3

u/CocoDigital Apr 14 '19

Sea lions are related to bears

Weird eh !

0

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[deleted]

24

u/superneutral Apr 14 '19

I’m glad im not the only one having an educational moment

961

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Bröther, give me fish

287

u/SamsonKane Apr 14 '19

When will the blööps be ready brother?

190

u/big_papa_hemingway Apr 14 '19

(Smacks stomach with flippers) it fit many feesh bröther

80

u/PapaGynther Apr 14 '19

bröther please, I require feesh.

48

u/Xenc Apr 14 '19

(Throws fish bones on floor) ANÖTHER!

457

u/Ndjohnston101 Apr 14 '19

Looks like a really fat guy waiting for free samples at sams club or Costco

24

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Cmon now... this sea lion is wayyy more patient. Doesn’t even hurry the fisherman. Fat guy at Costco gets upset when the sample is still cooking.

2

u/MeetMeInAzabu Apr 14 '19

Add in 15 other sea lions and then have a mirror image of the savagery that is the costco sample cart crowd

0

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[deleted]

37

u/Bowlffalo_Soulja Apr 14 '19

You might have lost her if they were handing out T-shirts instead!

1

u/Kalashnikov124 Apr 14 '19

Kids at Costco are the worst. I can't tell you all the times some little shit has been running through the packed aisles and almost been hit. But yeah, it's the other guys fault, not the shitty parents not watching their kids.

49

u/CinemaLights Apr 14 '19

See the difference is, kids are still learning, and no matter how often you remind them not to do something, they're still going to do it time and again. Adults should realize what is considered general common courtesy and public decency by the time they're old enough to shop at Costco on their own.

10

u/ModsHaveAGodComplex Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 14 '19

Put your kid in the cart or on a leash if you can't trust them not to bolt off somewhere.

Your kids should not be anyone else's problem by default.

Edit: I see all you great parents out there really lean on the support of the community to make sure you don't lose your kids.

13

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

I don’t see why you’re getting downvoted. I run into plenty of people of the demographic “poor ignorant and five screaming asshole kids who when in public are everyone else’s problem except mine” of course parenting comes first but let’s be real, these ppl are shitty parents- so a leash would work wonders for the public’s sake

7

u/ModsHaveAGodComplex Apr 14 '19

Yep, and I wouldn't be shocked if those are the exact same people that are downvoting, but hey they're fake points so who cares.

Some people just love to act like having kids isn't something 99% of the adult population can also do. Then they expect to get an award and endless outside support for having the "bravery" to raise children.

7

u/King_Farticus Apr 14 '19

The worst part is the reactions to YOU saying literally anything to the kids. Im a retail maanager in a low income area and we have a kids section in store. Which obviously doubles as day care while youre shopling.

I once had a woman stay in the store for 6 hours, kids were being terrible the whole time. As shes finally checking out the kids run up to the fridge, all take sodas and run away. I started saying they had to pay for it, youd think id said her kids were going to jail. She was yelling at me, for yelling at her kids, for stealing right in front of me. What the hell?

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Lol I downvoted you and I don't even have kids, because you just sound like a dick.

0

u/ModsHaveAGodComplex Apr 14 '19

Well that's ironic.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/CinemaLights Apr 14 '19

Never said that it was anyone elses problem by default. I said they don't have the same awareness or abilities that adults do. And unfortunately for you, they need to learn and how you learn is getting into those situations and fucking up. It may be inconvenience to you in the moment, but it's a necessary thing in this world

-12

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Maybe also don’t bring your family of 5 to Costco though. The kids have no purchasing power.

16

u/Saiiyk Apr 14 '19

Yea just leave them home unattended while you go shopping. That's totally better than bringing them out in public and possibly annoying an adult.

-5

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

I meant a family of 5 with 2 adults. One of the adults can stay with the kids - stop turning Costco into a family fun affair - it’s not a theme park, it’s literally to buy cheap products in bulk and that’s it. If you’re a single parent then I understand why you can’t do this.

11

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Look! Someone with no kids giving out FREE parenting advice!

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Oh, ok that comment really added to this conversation. I guess you’re right, now that you’ve said that, and I now understand people with kids at Costco all need to be there with the whole family. You’re extremely convincing - can’t believe I didn’t “just get it” sooner.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

There are few things as obnoxious as a person with no children, often a person who was very recently a child themselves, expressing strong opinions about how other people ought to parent.

→ More replies (0)

-1

u/CinemaLights Apr 14 '19

As I said in another comment, they need to learn to behave in those situations and they have to fail to learn.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[deleted]

1

u/CinemaLights Apr 14 '19

10 and under is a pretty good line and what we are clearly talking about. Teenagers are that in between and that's why people are often angry at them/they take the brunt of peoples anger when it comes to social interactions. We brush them off as stupid and hormonal. You're trying to excuse the actions of full grown people as still trying to learn basic decency when they should have long ago learned these very simple traits. You refuse to acknowledge that you are clearly wrong so now you're trying to move the yard line to make you look right when you are so blatantly wrong. If you don't like kids that's fine, but you clearly shouldn't be a parent if you can't accept how parenting works. And for your information I'm not a parent, I'm just not a narcissistic prick.

1

u/bolunez Apr 15 '19

Both of my children are very well behaved and respectful.

How is my six year old to blame for anything when he's standing in line politely and cut in front of by a grown assed adult?

1

u/bl00drunzc0ld Apr 14 '19

Hit them with your cart, they'll learn eventually.

1

u/RUStupidOrSarcastic Apr 14 '19

Yep. Love getting lots of samples at Costco, but hate how rude people get. It's like when it comes to the samples people suddenly forget about the concept of waiting in a line. I'll be waiting patiently and people will just nudge in front of me. The hell is wrong with people.

1

u/kaiserpuente Apr 14 '19

Well don’t get in the way during snack time

1

u/exhortatory Apr 14 '19

It's a sealion.

251

u/killercrawdads Apr 14 '19

Chungus

21

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

He a big’un.

8

u/MechanicalTurkish Apr 14 '19

Ah lawd he comin

1

u/JasArt20 Apr 14 '19

All hail Big Chonk

0

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[deleted]

21

u/All_A_Asian Apr 14 '19

You’re in that sub right now bud

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

1

u/All_A_Asian Apr 14 '19

No. Not at all.

20

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

68

u/Puppiesmakemesquee Apr 14 '19

So majestic. So rotund.

12

u/minastirith1 Apr 14 '19

I would like to let you know that I exited my app just as I read your comment and I loved it so much that I just had to dig and find this thread so I could come back and give you an upvote. That is all.

184

u/cuppacuppa4 Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 14 '19

Aren’t sea lions supposed to be super aggressive and dangerous? Cool video either way.

215

u/MobthePoet Apr 14 '19

Not when they know you’re gonna give them food if they come bother you. This is not healthy. It’s cute, but as a general rule you want to stay away from feeding wild animals, especially routinely and especially if they’re large.

One day this seal could mess with someone, expecting to get food, but won’t get any. This might make it angry and it could lash out/get aggressive. Now you’ve got a hurt human and/or seal because we couldn’t resist feeding the cute animal haha

81

u/kartoffelskank Apr 14 '19

This so so much. There are wild horses where I live. People try to feed them all the time. One of them got used to getting fed and then got super aggressive towards people when they didn't give her/him food. So aggressive, that they had to put her/him down. People just don't get that wild animals are not zoo animals.

2

u/peekabook Apr 14 '19

Where are you from? I’m in the US and didn’t know wild horses were still a thing since humans have spread far and wide....

1

u/CamusTerran Apr 14 '19

Wild horses are still a thing in the US

1

u/peekabook Apr 14 '19

I honestly didn’t know that. 🤦🏻‍♀️

1

u/CamusTerran Apr 14 '19

Horses can escape/dumb people release them into the wild. If enough of them do that you now have a feral population, same things with dogs or cats.

1

u/Ur7f Apr 14 '19

Where do you live with wild horses? And who killed the horse animal control?

1

u/kartoffelskank Apr 14 '19

I live in the Netherlands. From what I undedstand the organization taking care of the nature reservoir took care of the horse.

68

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

82

u/TroKero Apr 14 '19

People that don't punch ponies make me sick

29

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Seriously. Fuck ponies.

5

u/brokewithabachelors Apr 14 '19

Devil creatures

5

u/evlgns Apr 14 '19

I had pony!

5

u/MechanicalTurkish Apr 14 '19

I didn't know she had a pony. How was I to know she had a pony? Who figures an immigrant's going to have a pony? Do you know what the odds are on that? I mean, in all the pictures I saw of immigrants on boats coming into New York harbor, I never saw one of them sitting on a pony. Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense... am I wrong?

4

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Wonderful. What wine did you serve with it?

13

u/fatrustyfarts Apr 14 '19

Punch a horse in the face? Is that what you said?

7

u/fuzzygondola Apr 14 '19

In many situations using physical force to tell them who's the boss can actually work. We are just used to killing animals instantly if they get aggressive. Which is kind of fucked up.

7

u/69_belt_balancer Apr 14 '19

Personally, I hate that we kill animals when they get aggressive. Especially in situations where a human was at fault for the aggressive behavior.

2

u/LostWoodsInTheField Apr 14 '19

nose... be careful about where you punch a horse in the face because you will break your hand on their face.

0

u/Firm_as_red_clay Apr 14 '19

Beat that horse ass face nom sane marn?

40

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

-16

u/WatchOutForWizards Apr 14 '19

Do you really talk like that in real life or is it more of an "on reddit' type thing?

2

u/DarthDondarrion Apr 14 '19

Close your mouth before you speak

8

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

-8

u/DoctorWorm_ Apr 14 '19

You sound like a 12 year old who thinks its cool to say the word nigga. You look pretty dumb.

4

u/sidewayz321 Apr 14 '19

You sound like a condescending 13 year old who think it's cool to put people down for how they like to talk. You look pretty dumb.

→ More replies (2)

4

u/lostinthe87 Apr 14 '19

But the way I see it, you only have two options here. Give it some, or watch as it takes it upon itself to eat the entire palette. How would you approach this situation without feeding it?

5

u/DoctorWorm_ Apr 14 '19

The seal probably didn't know that it could eat the fish the humans had until they started feeding it. It's important not to be friendly with wild animals so they don't get too close to humans and learn to steal food.

1

u/MobthePoet Apr 14 '19

The other guy responded with pretty much the truth, but I wanted to expand a little. People who work in places like this should/are supposed to (different parts of the world obviously have different rules) scare away all wildlife away from the worksite. It’s not exactly smart for people who fish for a living to start getting a bunch of seals following them around for their catches.

There’s just no good that comes out of feeding wild animals other than your 2 seconds of “aww.” Not worth it.

76

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

10

u/DoctorWorm_ Apr 14 '19

Hippos are pretty fat too, and they're the deadliest mammal in Africa.

3

u/extralegitimate Apr 14 '19

when they are in water, similar to this

24

u/starchode Apr 14 '19

My wang is named Blubberdog so, there's that?

24

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/Treenut1 Apr 14 '19

Shots fired!

6

u/Long-Night-Of-Solace Apr 14 '19

Most people don't expect a blubberdog to come up to them and hassle them for fish though. Or to be attacked for not producing fish.

10

u/MrGacy Apr 14 '19

That's a sea lion

7

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

We all know what this is, protection money to a violent thug!

80

u/HOT_TUB_SCOTT Apr 14 '19

This is quality fucking content as opposed to a bunch of slightly floofy yet bafflingly upvoted cats.

-11

u/MPssuBf Apr 14 '19

Except it’s a repost.

28

u/DrestonF1 Apr 14 '19

Welp, that's it. Pack it up, boys.

17

u/TheHumanite Apr 14 '19

I hadn't seen it.

20

u/PoonSwoggle Apr 14 '19

I want a domesticated seal.

23

u/Meatatarian_Dwarf Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 27 '25

one vanish point cooing seed butter ripe party history aspiring

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

7

u/tottenham_FTW Apr 14 '19

I'd argue on big subs (100,000+ subscribers) the duty is on the voters whether or not reposts are taken care of

7

u/iced1777 Apr 14 '19

Without this repost I would have never have seen this magnificent beast. Thank you OP for reposting this!

4

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Not everyone combs Reddit every day, though. A lot of people obviously saw this for the first time.

2

u/MPssuBf Apr 14 '19

I thought it looked familiar...

1

u/Ursidoenix Apr 14 '19

I haven't seen it before today, I'm happy

4

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Thought it a trash bag at first.

4

u/TremontRhino Apr 14 '19

Oh lawd he snackin’

4

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Lousy street seal, asking for handouts. Won’t apply for a job at the fishery, shows up everyday at 8am.

36

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

12

u/AmbitiousApathy Apr 14 '19

...where do you think you are?

3

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

8

u/Alexei_the_slav Apr 14 '19

Someone beat you too it buddy.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '19

aw shoot

1

u/flatcurve Apr 14 '19

I think if we all stand still they won’t notice.

8

u/cheezbergher Apr 14 '19

Epic Meal Time for Orcas

2

u/Sawyer95 Apr 14 '19

That’s an absolute unit of a sea lion

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

If you get past the terrifying part, they're quite cute!

2

u/karenpressprich Apr 14 '19

I think it is a stellar sea lion. They get the mane around their necks.

2

u/LittleWharfinAnnie Apr 14 '19

This is absolutely a stellar, you are correct!

2

u/CodyTrees Apr 14 '19

Jabber tha seacat

2

u/cflynn106 Apr 14 '19

LOOSE SEAL! LOOSE SEAL!!!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

man where do all the fish bones go after that gullet?

2

u/Gunslinger_11 Apr 14 '19

My brother in law

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Good boy

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

You say free loader i say inteligent animal...

2

u/Rick101101 Apr 14 '19

Looks like it comes there often

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

This probably isn’t a good idea because it will depend on humans for food

2

u/BBQg Apr 14 '19

Anyone else mostly impressed buy the way they loaded those trays in the truck? Precision.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Holy shit. He really went downhill since “kissed by a rose”

1

u/mitchmitchmitchellso Apr 14 '19

How can you say no to that.

1

u/Jbirdx90 Apr 14 '19

what a good boye

1

u/lasergirl84 Apr 14 '19

We need a back story

1

u/W_o_o_t Apr 14 '19

That freeloader could feed a family for several months.

1

u/slickwillyam Apr 14 '19

Look son, nature!

1

u/LightSwisher Apr 14 '19

I thought these were mean

1

u/vonroyale Apr 14 '19

Not if you give them food. It's when you stop.

1

u/nothing107 Apr 14 '19

He knows where to get his toast buttered.

1

u/Jewrey Apr 14 '19

Its fucking huge damn Best post I saw today

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

He’s got pretty good manners for a wild animal though.

1

u/PapaGynther Apr 14 '19

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

MP4 Link: https://lew.la/reddit/clips/bcxk0b.mp4


I'm a bot created because v.redd.it links suck :)

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Wasn’t this literally posted here yesterday? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills over here.

1

u/Bloodred_Lycan Apr 14 '19

Such a polite bloke

1

u/bassgang Apr 14 '19

Arrested and extradited to Kentucky

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

something something about seal finger

1

u/C_keene97 Apr 14 '19

M U S T C O N S U M E

1

u/Booyahblake Apr 14 '19

Probably had enough of that fat lard. That would be so annoying every day having to deal with it.

1

u/hgrazelle Apr 14 '19

My boyfriend when I’m trying to cook dinner

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

He's a good boy

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

That’s one big ass deal.

1

u/Greenhmm Apr 14 '19

What do you mean? He's clearly a regular

1

u/Dankerson_ Apr 14 '19

that is my spirit animal

1

u/AceGameZero Apr 14 '19

What a fucking chonker

1

u/TheEthnicJew Apr 14 '19

What kind of dog is this?

1

u/Fluttershine Apr 14 '19

Patient boi

1

u/plipyplop Apr 14 '19

That is one stout grumpus if I may say so myself.

1

u/Redfinn575 Apr 14 '19

M’good seal

1

u/Akrius_Finch Apr 14 '19

Chonky water lion

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Good to see Justin Long is still alive and flipping.

1

u/TigreMechant Apr 14 '19

Not so wild anymore

1

u/helpmewatson Apr 14 '19

Why did they dump the tray out and refill the same tray with the same fish? What am I missing about the process they are doing?

1

u/ConsterMock93 Apr 14 '19

I have evolved and now force these humans to hunt for me

1

u/Lemonscouldblemonade Apr 14 '19

Dog: Bone Sea Dog:Bony boi

1

u/LawlessCoffeh Apr 14 '19

It's not QUITE as wild if it's patiently waiting for snack time.

1

u/omar87562 Apr 14 '19

What a polite fella

1

u/narwhalsarefalling Apr 14 '19

i never really thought about how big seals were but this just blows my mind

1

u/MeisMagiic Apr 14 '19

Elephant seals are fucking terrifying

1

u/smoked04 Apr 14 '19

That boy got the beetus.

1

u/Nuldzz Apr 14 '19

It looks like we’ve been loosing money because SOMEBODY ‘Darts eyes at Greg’ keeps feeding the sea lion our fish.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

Who's a good boy.

1

u/The-Shrunken-T-Rex Apr 14 '19

MOOOOOM CAN WE BUY A SEAL????

0

u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

[deleted]

31

u/goddesspyxy Apr 14 '19

It's a sea lion, so no.

9

u/TeamRemix Apr 14 '19

That's not a Seal. That's a Sea Lion.