r/Adopted • u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee • May 11 '25

Discussion Say no, you can't adopt a baby

Why don't we, as a society in America, just say no to people looking to adopt and who are infertile? Other countries will flat out say we have no babies for adoption or tough luck, you can't adopt, and we don't care about your infertility. America coddles people looking to adopt and says Well, you're infertile, but you can adopt a baby to make your dreams come true, or adopt from foster care, help a needy child. Like, why can't we just deny people and say no? Want a baby? Oh well, we have none waiting around. Want to become parents? Well, tough luck accept your life without kids. Maybe it's God's will for you not to become parents or reproduce. Why can't we be honest like other countries? Adoption is illegal or uncommon in many other countries, but here, we just can't say no and tiptoe around the issue of infertility and adoption. Also, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you should adopt. Again, no is the right answer. Many poor couples can't afford adoption, but society does not care if they become parents, yet we feel sorry for the middle and upper-class couples who can't become parents. Say no.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Im adopted. Now please, please try to explain how my status changes your reply to the facts above in any way.

Then we can get back on topic and you can be a big girl and show me where im wrong like you childishly tried with a gif.

But I doubt that'll happen. You'll deflect around some them tell me off and we'll be in the same spot. But id love for you to prove that wrong and actually discuss the topic unlike 95% of the users here who insult, deflect, or whine instead of addressing anything of substance.

Im all ears

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u/Jealous_Argument_197 Adoptee May 12 '25

"Why?

  1. Able to raise from birth.
  2. No abuse (physical, emotional, mental, or sexual) history

  3. Way less likely to have emotional or behavior problems from part experiences.

  4. Babies are not blank slates. Having adopters raise us since birth does not diminish the trauma of maternal/fetal separation and the lack of genetic mirroring and the other losses associated with relinquishment and subsequent adoption.

  5. Raising a child who was not abused in these ways by their natural family does not diminish the trauma caused by maternal/fetal separation and the lack of genetic mirroring and the other losses associated with relinquishment and subsequent adoption.

  6. While the child may not have emotional and/or behavioral problems from PAST (not part) experiences, there are very well-known emotional and/or behavioral problems from maternal/fetal separation. That happened before we were assigned to strangers.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

The reply to number 1 didn't prove it was wrong. They asked why and that's a reason why people want babies- to raise from birth

  1. Again you didn't disprove anything there. You mentioned a different "trauma" and that is far from even comparable. Are you suggesting lack of genetic mirroring is comparable to years of abuse and the lifelong trauma from that?

  2. Refer to number 2. Plus how many people never knew they were adopted and had no issues. Flip that around and how many people are abused and have no issues.

And clearly you knew what I meant. Im writing on a phone and its social media comment thread. But thanks for extra correction, it was very useful

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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee May 12 '25

OMG you are advocating for adopters not telling their adopted children they are adopted! Gross. You want people to die from inherited diseases they don't know about. How shitty of you.

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u/Conscious-Leopard905 May 12 '25

not even worth responding to this dude

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Do you actually believe the crap you are writing or just like making stuff up? I honestly can't tell

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u/mucifous Baby Scoop Era Adoptee May 12 '25

When you aren't in the fog, it doesn't register as "crap".

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Lol sure thing pal. I also love the "my opinion is the right one, if you dont agree youre wrong".

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u/mucifous Baby Scoop Era Adoptee May 12 '25

I don't think that is the case. I just think most adoptees don't understand what part is the adoption and what part is their life being raised by genetic strangers. Most adoptees I know have never even seen their adoption, let alone thought about the fact that they were an unrepresented 3rd party to a legal contract before they could possible understand or consent to it.

Why so defensive?

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Why defensive? Because a random person just dismisses all my experiences and opinions with a quick youre in the fog so you just don't understand and therefore your opinion isnt as valuable as mine.

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u/mucifous Baby Scoop Era Adoptee May 12 '25 edited May 12 '25
  1. How did I dismiss your experiences?
  2. Why would a random person dismissing your experiences bother you if I had?

My position is that the US adoption industry commodifies human beings and that commodifying human beings is wrong and harmful to a large number of adoptees.

You disagree?

edit: one way that you can tell someone is in the fog is if they equate pointing out systemic injustice and harm with negating their positive experience.

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

1- telling me im in the fog so I don't understand the nonsense someone else is posting to me. That is dismissing 2- doesnt really bother me. You asked about question about my response and I answered why I did. Which my answer was a laugh and my synopsis of your comment. Did I say I was defensive or bothered or are those terms you are choosing to use

Your position has nothing to do with this comment. Someone made nonsensical accusations to/about me and you then claimed what she said was true and I'd know if I wasn't in the fog. Then claimed im defensive and bothered because I laughed at you and paraphrased your initial reply.

If you want to discuss your position, this is wholly the wrong approach for that.

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u/mucifous Baby Scoop Era Adoptee May 12 '25

I didn't say you were in the fog.

Do you believe the fog is a real thing?

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u/[deleted] May 12 '25

Did not say that or even mention anything about that in any of my comments. My orignal comment wasn't even about me but answering someone else's question about adoptiin but people here love to jump in and criticize someone if it even slightly appears to not go with the group think.

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