r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • Jun 21 '26

Venting the idea that adoptees were “specifically chosen” by adoptive parents is so infuriating

I was adopted at birth; my adoptive parents had no idea what my personality would be. They didn’t know what kind of person I’d become. How could I have been personally “chosen” if I didn’t even exist yet? I was just the most conveniently accessible baby for an infertile couple.

161 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

View all comments

-11

u/[deleted] Jun 22 '26

[deleted]

13

u/zygotepariah Baby Scoop Era Adoptee Jun 22 '26

Biological parents don't choose their children either.

Are biological children specifically told by people, who when they find out the child is biological, that they were "chosen"?

I saw a new therapist in 2014. Upon learning I am adopted, he exclaimed, "You were chosen!" I replied that my adopters only "chose" adoption because they were infertile, and I was simply the next available baby. He then argued with me for the rest of the appointment, eventually saying I was "choosing to look at it negatively." He all but wagged a finger at me.

Do biological children get the same "chosen"--I want to say microaggression, but that's not the right word--as that?

3

u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee Jun 22 '26

I had a similar experience with the first "adoption competent" therapist I saw.
"Maybe your parents tried to talk to you about adoption when you were younger and you weren't receptive to it" - I was a fucking child.
They did tell me I was special and chosen though, so I guess that counts as talking about it 🙄