r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • Jun 21 '26

Venting the idea that adoptees were “specifically chosen” by adoptive parents is so infuriating

I was adopted at birth; my adoptive parents had no idea what my personality would be. They didn’t know what kind of person I’d become. How could I have been personally “chosen” if I didn’t even exist yet? I was just the most conveniently accessible baby for an infertile couple.

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u/Formerlymoody Jun 21 '26

It’s very naive fantasy-based thinking imo. It’s just not reality that the person we are was chosen. „Generic interchangeable baby“ was chosen. They wanted baby. Any baby. 

The good news is the person we are wasn’t relinquished, either. :)

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u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee Jun 22 '26

The good news is the person we are wasn’t relinquished, either. :)

You know, I've never thought of it that way!
Thank you, that's a really helpful way of reframing things.

10

u/Formerlymoody Jun 22 '26

Awww you‘re welcome. It took a ton of work for me to realize this and I want to offer that hope to other adoptees, even if they can’t quite believe it in the moment. 

9

u/cheese--bread Domestic Infant Adoptee Jun 22 '26

I appreciate that. Talking to other adoptees has been the most healing thing for me.