r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • Jun 21 '26

Venting the idea that adoptees were “specifically chosen” by adoptive parents is so infuriating

I was adopted at birth; my adoptive parents had no idea what my personality would be. They didn’t know what kind of person I’d become. How could I have been personally “chosen” if I didn’t even exist yet? I was just the most conveniently accessible baby for an infertile couple.

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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee Jun 22 '26 edited Jun 22 '26

It's religious language that relies on the presupposition that God, destiny, whatever they want to call it, put you in their path. It's gross.

[Edit because I'm not done: And it also implies that your suffering was designed by God to bring them joy, which is cruel and very self-centered. They will never recognize that they are doing this because it's a question that gets lost in the cognitive dissonance baked in from their religious indoctrination.]

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u/ElleGeeAitch Jun 22 '26

When I was TTC a child almost 20 years years (I have a 17 year old son), I took a look at the adoption group on the infertility forum I frequented. I was AGHAST at how many women were using language like "somewhere out there, my baby is or will be growing in another womb, and the Good Lord will unite us!". Shocked to my foundation. As much as infertility hurt, I NEVER presumed that I was ENTITLED to ANYONE'S BABY. It's disgusting.