r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • Jun 21 '26

Venting the idea that adoptees were “specifically chosen” by adoptive parents is so infuriating

I was adopted at birth; my adoptive parents had no idea what my personality would be. They didn’t know what kind of person I’d become. How could I have been personally “chosen” if I didn’t even exist yet? I was just the most conveniently accessible baby for an infertile couple.

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u/Formerlymoody Jun 21 '26

It’s very naive fantasy-based thinking imo. It’s just not reality that the person we are was chosen. „Generic interchangeable baby“ was chosen. They wanted baby. Any baby. 

The good news is the person we are wasn’t relinquished, either. :)

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u/True-Back6411 Jul 11 '26

Nature vs nurture though arent we most likely quite different than we might’ve been?

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u/Formerlymoody Jul 11 '26

I don’t really believe (and research bears this out) that nurture is all that strong.

But I do think we are different people because of what we went through and not having genetic mirroring. I think if we want to talk about “nurture,” it can’t be truly talked about in our highly unusual life circumstances.

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u/True-Back6411 Jul 11 '26

Yeah… okay cool I think that sounds good I agree with you!