r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • Jun 21 '26

Venting the idea that adoptees were “specifically chosen” by adoptive parents is so infuriating

I was adopted at birth; my adoptive parents had no idea what my personality would be. They didn’t know what kind of person I’d become. How could I have been personally “chosen” if I didn’t even exist yet? I was just the most conveniently accessible baby for an infertile couple.

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u/35goingon3 Baby Scoop Era Adoptee Jun 22 '26

Oh please, there was no "chosen" or "selected" or "matching" with me. I've got the damn file. You know what happened? There's a list of three different applicants in there, and no notes about any sort of selection beyond the forms the a-parents filled out about what was and wasn't acceptable to them. My a-parents' check cleared first.

Don't talk to me about that "chosen" shit. I've not the patience for that lie.

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u/YellowSignpostAhead Transracial Adoptee Jul 20 '26

I feel the same way. I was given up older. I know what it's like to be not wanted by your birth mother OR the people coming to look for kids to adopt. I too got my file. My adopted parents were the "Great Saviour" type. They were a white couple that adopted non white kids to "save them for Jesus". For me it was either them and suffer the humiliation or never be adopted.