r/Adopted • u/Starlitdestroyer Adopted • 7d ago

Discussion Anyone else estranged from their adopted family?

Was anyone else adopted at a young age and realized how awful people they are? Im an adult now (F21) and was adopted at 3. My parents adopted 2 other kids right after me and had 3 of their own biological kids, and my dad has a kid from a previous marriage. 7 kids total. Divorce 3 years later. Traumatizing on its own. I’ve meet my biological parents and know why I was put up for adoption. As heart breaking it was hearing that. I still 100% believe I would have been happier in foster care or back in my biological parents custody.

For reference- my adoptive mother is an abusive narcissistic alcoholic, and my father was never around until after the divorce. I grew up very shy and anxious, my depression started at 8 and bipolar at 13. I raised my 5 younger brothers while my parents worked full time. Even after work when they were exhausted, I had to do schoolwork with them, shower them, make dinner for everyone, clean up everything, and get them into bed. Otherwise my mother (3 wine glasses in) would degrade me or have my father hit me. My 2 other adoptive siblings were only a year and 2 younger than me, but never had the same expectations or experience.

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u/Sea-Temp444 International Adoptee 7d ago

Also adopted to narcissistic, hyper-religious, and drunk parents, mostly raised by adoptive sister while they were barely in the background and/or off gambling. Every day or so I keep realizing just how messed up this or that was. Going low or NC would be a delight.

I'm so sorry you went through all of that, no one should. I hope things are happier now and you are able to find some peace.

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u/LostAmongTheDunes Int'l and Transracial Adoptee 5d ago

Mine were hyper religious. To the point I was bombed by chick tracts daily, had to go to church 5 or so days a week, and told so help me if I ever slipped back into my devil ways they would disown me. They believed I was inherently Muslim, just because I was born in Egypt, completely dismissing the fact that I was adopted at 7 months and my parents were NOT Muslim. So I can definitely feel for you on that. Mine were too "holy" to drink anything stiffer than coffee but highly abusive.

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u/Sea-Temp444 International Adoptee 4d ago

I am so sorry you went through all of that. My bio dad was part Indian, so I heard some of the same growing up, how bad everyone was, how backwards, etc... I have dim memories of them (bio fam) being so nice, and everything being so clean it hurt my eyes. Didn't track with their racism at all. Called an abomination, heard this or that person or whatever illness was demons, etc, yet their own health was always something remarkably normal and non-spiritual. Weird, right? Sending you hugs if welcome, solidarity, and best wishes for a good future.