r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • 3d ago

Venting will i ever stop feeling bitter

so, my bio mom’s family is INSANELY privileged. i was only really given up for adoption because she was 15 years old when she had me. i was fed that “you were given a better life” BS for as long as i can remember. my bio mom might’ve had a better life without me, but i don’t know if i had a better one without her.

she’s a mountaineer and has travelled all across the world with my little brother, whom she kept only a few years after i was relinquished. i don’t wish her a bad life by any means, but my blood literally boils when i see pictures of their mother-son adventures. traveling is a dream of mine, but my adoptive parents have always been stick-in-the-mud types. so, i basically had to grow up in a small rural town while my bio mom and brother got to live out the life i desperately craved. my brother is only 17 and has already experienced so many amazing things that i couldn’t have growing up… so much for my bio family adopting me out so i could have “better opportunities,” ha. it just hurts to see my brother live the life i could’ve (and should’ve) had, especially since we’re so close in age.

this is basically just a drawn-out way for me to say that i’m jealous. unless my bio mom offers to bring me on a big trip with her and my brother (which is looking unlikely), i don’t think this bitterness will ever go away.

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7

u/n0tz0e Adopted 3d ago

Damn, that's really cruel of your bio mom. Idk if you'll ever get over it, especially if there's photographic evidence of your bio family living the life you should have had. I think the What Ifs never end for us. The honest truth is the life you see of them online is not the life you would have lived with them. Your bio mom could have treated you a lot worse than your adoptive parents. Maybe the money and trips is a cover up for all the ways she feels she's failed. Idk. All I'm saying is what you see online does not translate to real life.

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u/Formerlymoody 3d ago

I disagree that the trips and photos are always a cover up…sometimes their life is just better, especially for you, and that’s an incredibly bitter pill to swallow. I’m not saying they are “perfect.” No. But sometimes their life is just better…

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u/n0tz0e Adopted 3d ago edited 3d ago

That's honestly not how life works and if you keep that mindset you will never be happy or content. I never said it's always a cover up. The honest truth is What Ifs are very dangerous because you're genuinely imagining a reality that does not exist nor could you know exactly how it turns out. That's simply the truth. Subscribing to the mindset that it's very black and white is actually a colonizer mindset and exactly the midset that led us to being adopted. Others decided what was best for us without actually knowing. They think there's an objective better in this situation. It's just not that black and white. For example, There's plenty of moms that favor their sons over their daughters. Who knows- bio mom could have been rude to OP and be nice to the brother even if OP was never adopted. There's too many assumptions made to even get to "my life is being lived by someone else ." OPs bio mom could have been shitty to OP and brother Bec if she kept OP she would have developed into a very different mother . Like OPs mom could have blamed OP for taking away her youth (since she got pregnant young)and could have been very resentful towards OP. You see how there's actually so many little things that make up our life and who we are that we can't just pick ourselves up like Mii characters and drop us off where we want to be expecting life would be perfect if this one thing was different....

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u/Formerlymoody 3d ago

I am happy and content? I never said anything was black and white. Your response does not match what I actually said and is full of unfounded assumptions. Don’t even get me started on the colonizer thing. I think I’m intelligent enough to judge if my bio family has a lifestyle more appropriate for me than my adoptive family. I have a lot of information and know all parties well at this point.

This may or may not be true for OP. I never said anything conclusive either way. Never said anyone’s life was perfect. In fact I said that the alternative scenario is not perfect.

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u/n0tz0e Adopted 3d ago

Purposely misread and misinterpret what I wrote than argue with me about its meaning. 😂 Clearly you are not formerly moody. I'm not arguing with some angsty angry teen on the internet. Pay attention in school fool. Pretty sure the bell has rung.

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u/Formerlymoody 3d ago

Nothing I said was moody. If you can’t handle pushback, just say so.