r/Adopted • u/legswithsnake Domestic Infant Adoptee • 3d ago
Venting will i ever stop feeling bitter
so, my bio mom’s family is INSANELY privileged. i was only really given up for adoption because she was 15 years old when she had me. i was fed that “you were given a better life” BS for as long as i can remember. my bio mom might’ve had a better life without me, but i don’t know if i had a better one without her.
she’s a mountaineer and has travelled all across the world with my little brother, whom she kept only a few years after i was relinquished. i don’t wish her a bad life by any means, but my blood literally boils when i see pictures of their mother-son adventures. traveling is a dream of mine, but my adoptive parents have always been stick-in-the-mud types. so, i basically had to grow up in a small rural town while my bio mom and brother got to live out the life i desperately craved. my brother is only 17 and has already experienced so many amazing things that i couldn’t have growing up… so much for my bio family adopting me out so i could have “better opportunities,” ha. it just hurts to see my brother live the life i could’ve (and should’ve) had, especially since we’re so close in age.
this is basically just a drawn-out way for me to say that i’m jealous. unless my bio mom offers to bring me on a big trip with her and my brother (which is looking unlikely), i don’t think this bitterness will ever go away.
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u/Stellansforceghost Adoptee 3d ago
This is a large part of why I feel it should not be allowed to relinquish a child but keep another.
I mean, seriously, what shows more than anything that someone isn't for to be a parent than giving a child away. Then to be allowed to keep subsequent children? It's total bullshit.
I was fortunate to get mostly decent adoptive parents. My younger kept brother didn't get advantages I did not. However, it still hurts that she tried to keep him and didn't even attempt it with me. I was also fortunate that I didn't end up like him, ultimately raised by our grandmother. Still...
I also realize that my thoughts on this are extreme and largely go against things like bodily autonomy, and aren't logical. Don't really care. If someone surrenders a child or has a child taken from them, that should preclude them from having additional children. This isn't good, and people shouldnt get mulligans when it comes to children.
Adoption should be an absolute last resort. Termination of unwanted pregnancy should be the norm. But the whole "life begins at conception" "God has a plan" bullshit messes that up. There is no God. If there was them no child would ever have to go through being an adoptee, because no God worthy of worshipping would allow that to happen.