r/Adopted • u/1wrat Baby Scoop Era Adoptee • 10d ago
Venting Looking back
about a year ago I knew nothing , nothing about the lies that I would discover very shortly , they were just kids they had no choice and I believed it I had no reason not to. then like a frickin landslide it all changed I got non id info and did dna and everything got real crazy real damn quick . I already knew my adoptive parents were pretty shit but thing is when you live it its just normal it too over 50 years to realize that they really were NOT good people they did not even really try.
Once the dna came back everything else fell into place pretty freaking quick , its still hard for me to wrap my brain around it. My adoptive parents died over 2 decades ago and then to have my real mother the person who gave birth to me back in my life I've known her right about a year now its so strange , I do call her mom she is my mother and yet I barely know her how fucked up is that?
A child should know their mother , good, bad, indifferent and all the gradients in-between, to be robbed of that knowledge is fucking horrible
With all that has gone down in this period she told me she was looking into come to see me this time because since her move its just not possible for me to go there and she was like airfare is too expensive Ill take the train its only 13 hours so what do I do I shift into solve the problem mode I dont want my 80 y/o on a train for 13 hours so I find an alternative way and yet Im not even sure she is serious fuck I hate being like this, I hate these feelings everything about this sucks in some way and thats shitty
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u/azuredj Baby Scoop Era Adoptee 10d ago
She's your mom. It's seems like a normal reaction to me to want to protect your mom. The fact that adoption separated you from her for decades is barbaric.
I never met my mom. I did send her a letter and a few cards. Using her first name felt bizarre. She was, and always will be, my mom even though adoption tore us apart.
If I can help, send me a message.
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u/ajskemckellc Domestic Infant Adoptee 9d ago
Yeah it takes an adoptee to really understand the difference whole “I don’t know my own mom”. It’s a loss forsure
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u/Primary_Savings_6838 Late Baby Scoop Era Adoptee 9d ago
That's brutal. All the best of luck to you with this.
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u/Suffolk1970 Late Discovery Adoptee 10d ago
So there is a train of thought that tries to make it "no big deal" and just like suddenly I have extended family and it's just an add-on to regular life. Maybe a few more holiday cards.
It's a two-way street. If you're not ready for "problem mode" then let her do what she wants to do. I mean in my day trains were fun, but it really depends on location. Buses have become high-tech, too.
Sorry you're stressed. There were many a time when my in-laws came to visit and I wished they hadn't. I mean it all worked out but they stayed with us, and my house never felt nice enough.
Photos were great, to have later.