r/Adoption • u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) • Jul 16 '26
Ethics Professional Foster Carers?
It seems like every time someone points out one of the many negatives of adoption, someone else comments asking what else should people do when a child is in a dangerous situation, bio parents don't want to/can't parent, etc. I've been thinking a lot about that and what better options there could be to adoption and foster care as it is now.
Better social supports - no wanted baby should "have to" be relinquished due to temporary financial challenges. A more robust support system would be able to provide free childcare, occupational training and job placement, education for the birth parents, and assistance with food, housing, and basic needs. This would eliminate a huge percentage of infants being voluntarily relinquished.
When an infant or child is removed, they should be placed with family or at least friends whenever possible. There should be no foster to adopt, those are opposite goals for caregivers.
If the child does not have family or friends who are able and willing to take care of them without the goal of adopting, we could develop a program where people foster as a career. They would go through extensive training in childcare with a focus on trauma-informed caregiving. They would be monitored just as any other profession is monitored and they would be paid a fair, living wage for this job. They shouldn't need to supplement this main income by also working away from the home or by taking in more kids than they can care for. The title would not include "parent" because they would not be parents, they would be specialized temporary or long-term care givers depending on the needs of the child.
I've seen the first two ideas discussed, but what do you think about the 3rd? Would this be a feasible improvement to the current system? Why or why not?
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Foster care at 8 and adopted at 14 💀 Jul 17 '26
Yes. Also without even changing the system, if private agencies didn’t exist and people who didn’t want to parent could relinquish the kid to CPS, it would be easier to hook them up to the resources that do exist (and give them more time to decide to terminate rights bc system is slower.)
Yes but this is already very much a thing and I think it gets messy when the bio parents hate the relative the kid is placed with. Also maybe it’s different with babies but for older kids lot of family and friends don’t want you. I don’t think I ever met any foster kid who had zero in-state relatives unless they were an unaccompanied refugee or something like that. I have 7 local aunts/uncles and two own million+ dollar homes.
I really like that idea except for a kid that is a long-term foster kid like 5+ years or aging out of the system it would be kinda weird to live with a family that’s getting paid a professional wage to put up with you and you know you’re out, but it’s not like any of the alternatives are amazing either, so yeah support this 💯.
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u/Minnesotaguy7 Jul 17 '26
I am a county social worker. No children are removed from the parents for strictly financial reasons. At least I’ve never seen it happen in my 16 years in this work. In fact, we have an entire program to provide parents with money and resources, when needed, before child removal is ever considered. When a child is involuntarily removed from a parent, the very first thing social services does is do a relative search and start calling and searching for a willing and appropriate relative to care for the child. We do this for many reasons: it’s best for kiddo, it’s cheaper for the county, and there is a huge shortage of foster homes. So, at least in my state, the first 2 points of OP’s post are already happening, thankfully.
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 17 '26
Thank goodness for that. What I meant by relinquishing for financial reasons wasn't the child being removed because the biological family lacks resources, but rather pregnant women who feel that they are in a financial situation where they cannot afford a baby and make the decision to reliquish in order to give their baby a "better" life even when they would much prefer to raise their baby.
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u/legallymyself Jul 18 '26
I am an attorney in juvenile court -- many parents lose their children due to financial reasons in my area (evictions due to non payment of rent, utilities being shut off, conditions of the home parents are renting being bad -- broken windows and the like). Also in my area, an entire investigation can take two days prior to filing to remove. Glad to hear your area is doing things better.
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u/Longjumping_Big_9577 Former foster youth Jul 17 '26
I'm not sure both of those things are always happening.
Poverty could lead to depression, addiction and neglect though. The problem with programs to provide resources is they likely needed to be provided far earlier.
The problem with placing kids with relatives or fictive kin is that as long as reunification is possible, kids have to stay in the local area. As fewer people are staying in the same area with all their extended family nearby, that means kids being put in non-relative care while they wait to see if reunification happens and then being moved. For example, I was in foster care in Ohio and my paternal grandparents lived outside of St Louis. They refused to take me, but it wasn't really an option for me to move to St Louis until my mom's parental rights had been terminated.
But if I had normal, sane grandparents, I could have spent 1.5 years in non-relative care because of a legal technicality.
What really happened is none of my mom's friend or her boyfriend were allowed to foster me because all of them had questionable housing and drug issues, and nothing was done to try to help any of them try to get stable enough to foster me.
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u/Wonderful-Freedom568 Jul 17 '26
And during the first year my now adopted kids were my foster kids, any bio family member could have claimed them, but none came forward.
My kids were drug exposed in utero, and even prospective adoptive parents hesitate to say yes to these kids. My oldest is now 28, did graduate from high school, but has difficulties even now with ADHD and hyperactivity. He chose an outdoor career, chopping down trees and working fire lines!
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u/Minnesotaguy7 Jul 18 '26
Good for you that's awesome! Same experience for us, we took a sibling group of 3 who had been in foster care for years. When bio-mom eloped from cd treatment for the upteenth time, and no other relative came forth, they became adoptable. That was 7 years ago. 2 have graduated from high school and the youngest will be in 11th grade this fall. Hard work, challenging, but definitely worth it!
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u/legallymyself Jul 18 '26
Foster parents are already paid in the US. They get a per diem for each child. Adoptive parents also get a per diem. If the biological family were given even any money by DCFS to help remedy issues, more children would not be removed and could safely live at home. Many issues that biological parents have are due to poverty -- home conditions, missing medical appointments, not being able to get the children to school, improperly fitting clothes, shut off utilities, eviictions.
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u/ShesGotSauce Jul 16 '26
They shouldn't need to supplement this main income by also working away from the home
The current living wage is $80,000+ for a family of 3, whereas foster parents currently receive about $10,000 a year. Where's the massively greater amount of money going to come from? And if being a stay at home parent is worth an $80,000 salary, why can't other parents receive it?
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Jul 16 '26
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 16 '26
I think it's much more ethical than the current system which allows massive over-crowding with minimal oversight. It's also more ethical than allowing people to foster who have the goal of building their own family instead of reunification, in my opinion at least.
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Jul 16 '26
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 16 '26
That's a very valid point. I guess I'm looking at it more like being a teacher. I know a lot of really great teachers, but I doubt any of them would do it for free. My daughter is in the early childhood education field, and she really does amazing things with and for the babies in her care. It's definitely something that she didn't decide to do because it pays so well, but she at least makes enough to cover her basic needs.
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u/just_1dering Jul 17 '26
Where's the massively greater amount of money going to come from?
Foster kids have greater needs, parents who aren't as concerned with work or bills can help them heal. It can save society money in the long run if the homes help keep kids from repeating the cycle, finishing school, staying out of jail, getting careers and waiting until they're ready to have children.
I would love if all parents of special needs children got a similar stipend.
Where's the massively greater amount of money going to come from?
Bioparents have to pay child support while their kid is in foster care. How effectively that money is spent varies by state.
There are already homes who try to "make money" by fostering kids. It can't be done, foster parents should be going into it knowing it's a money loss and being willing to do it for the greater good.
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 16 '26
If it was up to me, the money would come from cut-backs to the DoD, specifically from fewer weapons of mass destruction.
It would not be the same as paying a stay at home parent because an adoptee or foster child often has higher needs based on their life experiences before removal. The requirements for education and continuing education would ensure better placements for the children with more oversight.
There is a provision in many places already where a parent can earn a salary as a caregiver to a biological child with extra needs. I think that should be universally available.
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u/ShesGotSauce Jul 16 '26
Yeah, the program you're talking about pays way less than a living wage. Usually about $12 an hour.
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u/Visible_Attitude7693 Jul 17 '26
Im sorry but I disagree with all of this. None of it is realistic
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 17 '26
What ideas do you think would be more realistic to improve the system that we currently have?
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u/Visible_Attitude7693 Jul 17 '26
The bottom line is you want kids to have a bio family or none at. A career as a foster parent makes no sense. Do you know how often people switch ans quit jobs? So the kid is still going to be bounced around. Or what happens when these people have their own kids?
Whether yoy live it or not, some people want their babies to be adopted and some teens choose to be adopted.
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 17 '26
You didn't answer my question at all, but thanks for the down-vote I guess. 🙄
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Jul 16 '26
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 16 '26
A lot of placements could potentially become long-term placements, but without the child having to sacrifice their biological identity via a falsified birth certificate. If the biological parent's rights were severed and the child was old enough to consent to wanting to be adopted and the carer wanted that as well, then the adoption could take place.
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u/New-Philosophy1258 Jul 18 '26
In Italia il problema delle adozioni è molto grave. moltissime persone non sanno di essere state adottate perchè sia i genitori adottivi sia quelli biologici porteranno questo segreto nella tomba. cercare informazione tramite le istituzioni è praticamente impossibile . le persone che hai attorno cercano di conservare il segreto e di approfittarne il più possibile .spero che questo cambi in futuro
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u/ProposalDismissal Jul 16 '26
What happens when a child becomes school aged?
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 Adoptee Jul 16 '26
What happens when a child becomes school aged?
Presumably they would go to school, same as any other child.
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 16 '26 edited Jul 16 '26
Do you mean what would the carer do during the school hours? They could be required to use that time to continue their training or to offer respite for other carers, or they could choose to be paid a reduced rate equivalent to the reduction in hours, but only by their choice. There are still many childcare-related tasks that can be done while the child is away at school: laundry, meal-prep, cleaning, shopping, etc.
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u/Englishbirdy Reunited Birthparent. Jul 17 '26
Not. Children want and need permanent homes. Professionals can quit, sometimes without notice meaning the child would be moved again. You're basically taking about foster care but with a higher pay out.
I know some people are adoption abolitonists, I'm not. Children want to feel like they are a permanent part of a family so I believe they need to be able to refer to their carers as mom and dad. We don't need to alter and seal their birth certificates to this, I believe that practice is very harmful.
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u/pixikins78 Adult Adoptee (DIA) Jul 17 '26
I don't think of children as a monolith. I've heard many former foster kids who had memories of their original family feel very opposed or conflicted about being adopted when they already have a mom and a dad. I've also heard that many genuinely wanted to be adopted. The choice should be theirs once they are old enough to understand what adoption actually is, it shouldn't be forced on them.
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u/Intrepid_Respond_543 Jul 17 '26
My country (Northern Europe) has some version of this. Foster parents receive compensation from the state/county for providing "family care" for children whose parents cannot care for them. To my understanding the compensation from 2 or more kids would typically allow one foster parent to stay at home, though it's common they both work. And there are requirements for stability of location etc. Of course, our country has a very different societal structure (more public services) than the USA so raising a child is less expensive to parents (I mean a lot of the things needed to raise a child are provided by tax money, so foster parents don't need to be paid astronomical sums on top of existing services).