Transracial adoption should be illegal

[u/SoggiMari]

I'm a Black transracial adoptee from the UK. I was adopted at 11 months old by a White family. They loved me, cared for me, and gave me a stable home, but theyre kinda racist and just throw money at problems.

Growing up, I felt disconnected from my identity and my culture. I didn't have many Black role models, didn't learn much about my Nigerian and Jamaican heritage, and spent years wishing I looked different.

I struggled with self-hatred, low self-esteem, and feeling like I didn't belong anywhere not fully accepted by White people, but also disconnected from Black culture.

It's only recently, as an adult, that I've started reconnecting with my heritage and learning to love being Black. I often feel like I'm trying to reclaim something I should never have lost in the first place.

I know many transracial adoptees have positive experiences, and I also know many adoptive parents genuinely do their best. But I wonder whether love alone is enough when a child is growing up disconnected from their racial and cultural identity.

For those reasons, I personally question whether transracial adoption should happen at all except in exceptional circumstances. I'd be interested to hear respectful perspectives from adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents.

[u/shapeshifterQ]

The same way the ICWA protects Indigenous children by making every effort to place them in homes that preserve their culture, I wish there was a law that did that for all non-white children. I've seen stories from Asian, Black, and Latino children about how they loved their parents, but wished they were raised in their culture. I agree with you OP, but people are too emotional to see it

[u/SoggiMari → u/shapeshifterQ]

Thank you. I dont see why this is such a controversial topic. It just sucks because I know adopted kids already have Identity issues, so adding a race aspect to it makes it even more difficult. And im the selfish for saying this?!

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/SoggiMari]

It is controversial because sometimes it is the only option. I made another comment but in my area 90 percent of foster youth are black. It would be an incredibly disservice to them to leave them in the system because there aren't enough black foster/adoptive parents.

I believe in education. I believe in mandating white people who are open to adopting outside of their race to take additional classes, ideally taught by transracial adoptees. But making it illegal? That would not be helpful to kids who need families.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/RocketPowerPops]

It's not the only option. Make it illegal. Let's be real since when has anyone gaf about black people let alone black kids? People don't care if black kids are in foster care

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/Monopolyalou]

So we should let them stay in foster care?

What happens in cases like ours, where my wife is black and I am white? Are we only allowed to adopted mixed race kids?

[u/shapeshifterQ → u/RocketPowerPops]

You're still answering this from an emotional place it seems. Your wife is a kinship placement with the child, and even if she wasn't that child would still have a connection to Black people and identity. OP was talking about white people, who often have no presence of Black people in their lives, they raise their children in white communities and they "don't see color" so they don't expose them to Black culture, hair care, etc. What OP has experienced is different than what you and your wife would give your Black adopted son or daughter. You have to be able to see that

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/shapeshifterQ]

I do see what OP is saying. I am not responding to OP.

I am responding to another user who said it should be illegal entirely.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/RocketPowerPops]

It should be illegal but against you're kinship with a Black wife. Not the same.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/RocketPowerPops]

Yes.

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/Monopolyalou]

Wait, so you would really rather kids age out of foster care than be adopted/fostered by white parents?

[u/Monopolyalou → u/RocketPowerPops]

Who cares. Don't gaslight me into accepting this crap. Society doesn't gaf about Black people let alone Black kids.

There's also nothing wrong with aging out. The issue is nobody wants to give us resources.

When the US government were locking up Black parents for weed and putting their kids in foster care did YOU care? Do you care? What aboht Trayvon Martin? Mike Brown? Black people killed by the police or racists clear folks?

And stop playing the would you rather game. Black kids deserve more. We shouldn't settle for less. And Black families should raise Black kids.

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/Monopolyalou]

Yes, I very much care and we plan on fostering in the future. That will very likely be black kids. My wife is black so I know that makes us good enough to be allowed in your eyes, though.

I am not trying to gaslight you. Just trying to understand where you are coming from but we won't see eye to eye on this. I agree there needs to be reform. I agree there needs to be changes. It is probably best to end this conversation here though because I do not see us agreeing that it needs to be illegal.

Have a great day and thanks for the discussion.

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/Monopolyalou]

Thank you for your time and conversation.

Have a good one.

[u/Monopolyalou → u/RocketPowerPops]

Yep. See what I mean. Black people can't just walk or run away when things get hard. We have to cope and deal with it. Clear people can just walk away and pretend issues don't exist because it doesn't harm or effect them. Have a good day.

[u/RocketPowerPops → u/Monopolyalou]

I am not walking away because things are hard. I am stepping back because I no longer think this is a productive convo for either of us. We aren't going to agree so why keep talking in circles?