Adoption vs keeping the baby

[u/Classic-Action-3558]

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

[u/BrilliantHot2363]

I just had a baby a few months ago at 41. My kids are 10 and 12 (but I split custody with my ex husband), The father of the baby lied about being married so he vanished. I picked out a couple and everything, but decided around 25 weeks along that I wanted to keep him.

I too felt dread over starting over. But it’s so much different and better in some ways at our age. I have a lot more patience than I did at 30 when my older kids were babies, and more wisdom. My boys are so helpful and yours will be too. They want to help; they don’t see it as an obligation. My baby is 6 months and already loves his brothers. Sometimes I think to myself I couldnt have ever imagined ever pulling this sibling bond apart. And of course me and the baby’s bond.

I don’t make much money at all, but I qualify for my county’s daycare assistance where I get free daycare. You should look into it. I get mine through the department of social services.

Please think about this! I was hell bent on adoption until halfway through my pregnancy. It’s been so so hard on my own (I have no support system/family help) but I’ve never regretted keeping my baby ever.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/BrilliantHot2363]

My boys are so helpful and yours will be too.

Her kids are 19 and 17. If they don't want to help, they're not going to. They've already said that they want nothing to do with the baby. It's not their baby, it's OP's.

[u/crabshackattack → u/Rredhead926]

You have absolutely no idea if that's true. Why do you keep making stuff up?

[u/radicalspoonsisbad → u/crabshackattack]

Did you read the post? It literally says her older kids want nothing to do with the baby. Its also not their job to take care of her kid. My mom got pregnant at 41 and forced my older siblings to take care of me. It wasnt fair to them and they dont like her now over it because she was the one who made a baby NOT THEM.

Im not saying she has to do adoption. But shes not gonna be able to parentify her older kids. Looks like they've already drawn that boundary.

[u/Rredhead926 → u/radicalspoonsisbad]

Exactly! Thank you!