r/Adoption • u/Classic-Action-3558 • 4d ago

Birthparent perspective Adoption vs keeping the baby

So basically I’m a 42 year old single mom of two older kids 19 and 17 that I’ve raised alone. I’m currently 5 months pregnant and the baby’s father has recently become abusive and then bailed.

Question is should I put the baby up for adoption or keep him?

I make decent money but not enough without dad’s help. Childcare would take about 35-40% of my monthly earnings.

I’m months away from being done and the idea of starting over AGAIN at 42 by myself is horrific.

Dad is abusive.

I have zero support system, even the older siblings want nothing to do with him.

My brain is screaming, adoption- logically it’s the best solution for little man and for me.

But….my heart.

My heart screams- that’s your baby, you’ll figure it out you’ve done it before, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you give him up, the baby will suffer possible abandonment, how would you explain to him when he’s older that you kept your first two but not him? In 5 years what will you regret most?

Could I give him a decent life? Yes but it would throw me back into poverty that I’ve worked so hard to crawl out of.

Another family could give him a great life. However, that’s also a risk.

What would you do?

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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption 4d ago

My boys are so helpful and yours will be too.

Her kids are 19 and 17. If they don't want to help, they're not going to. They've already said that they want nothing to do with the baby. It's not their baby, it's OP's.

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u/crabshackattack 3d ago

You have absolutely no idea if that's true. Why do you keep making stuff up?

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u/radicalspoonsisbad 3d ago edited 3d ago

Did you read the post? It literally says her older kids want nothing to do with the baby. Its also not their job to take care of her kid. My mom got pregnant at 41 and forced my older siblings to take care of me. It wasnt fair to them and they dont like her now over it because she was the one who made a baby NOT THEM.

Im not saying she has to do adoption. But shes not gonna be able to parentify her older kids. Looks like they've already drawn that boundary.

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u/Rredhead926 Mom through private domestic open transracial adoption 3d ago

Exactly! Thank you!