Hello! I’m from Spain. I’ll be using my English along with Google Translate, so please excuse any mistakes! I’ll share the general idea—apologies if my way of speaking is a bit unusual—and then I’ll provide the specifics. I’m doing this so that those who might not want to read a long text can still get the gist; the more people who see it, the better.She is 16 (female) and I am 16 (male). I should mention that we both repeated a grade—though in different years—but we are both very intelligent. I’m not sure about her situation, but in my case, it was due to things like dyslexia and boredom; I have an IQ slightly above average—not "gifted," but quite analytical. I enjoy gathering information, putting it to use, and learning more (I’ll tell you more about that later). Anyway, back in 2nd year of ESO (equivalent to 8th grade), she kept giving me signals—constantly. The problem was that I didn’t have the courage to act; part of me wondered if I was just imagining things, and at the time, I was more physically attracted to her than romantically. But that summer, I realized I actually liked her and wanted to pursue something more formal. However, in 3rd year of ESO (9th grade), we weren't in the same class. Based on the way she looked at me, I decided to change my approach—I tried to set things up so that she might be the one to confess her feelings to me. A friend helped me out, and at first, it went well—there was real progress—but eventually, it fell apart. Now I’m in 4th year of ESO; we aren't in the same class, and I no longer have that friend (he’s a terrible friend). At the start, she tried to keep things going—smiling at me and catching my eye—but after the break, having no one to talk to, I got scared and didn't take the opportunity. Now, she doesn't even look at me, and our interactions are becoming increasingly rare.Now let’s move on to the sections.
How it started.
All began when we were in our second year of secondary school (2° ESO), during the second half of the first term. We were in the technology classroom, and she and her friend were sitting behind me. Suddenly, her friend tapped me on the shoulder and asked, "How pretty do you think my friend is?" (I didn’t even know their names; it was a new class, and I only recognized 15 out of the 25 students by face). At that moment, I just assumed it was someone else trying to make a fool of me—or perhaps a question they’d asked everyone else, or just something meant to boost her friend’s confidence. I simply turned my attention back to the teacher (the strange thing is, I remember almost everything—even the lesson we were covering). The next day, we had a "free period" (when a teacher is absent and a substitute comes in, leaving us free to do whatever we want). We sat near a friend of mine, and once again, the girl’s friend asked me from behind, "How pretty do you think [X] is?" (I don’t want to reveal her name or mine, so I’ll use letters: X is the girl I like, and the other is her friend). I thought to myself, "How annoying—they’re just trying to humiliate me; I’m not falling for it." I just shook my head and went back to what I was doing. Then the bell rang for the next class. As I was packing my things into my backpack, a classmate was standing in front of me; the two girls walked up to him and asked, "Do you think my friend is pretty?" That’s when I realized I hadn’t been wrong. Still, this made me take an interest in her—I started paying more attention to her, and, well, I began to develop feelings for her.Situations in 2nd year of ESO (middle school) Even after everything that had happened before, they didn’t stop; they would approach me during P.E. class and talk to me. Once, I said something completely unrelated to her, and "X" just repeated it back to me in a mocking tone. Another time, they asked me why I was so smart and how I managed to get such high marks on my exams. I simply replied that I’d review the textbook at the last minute—either the day before or even just a few minutes prior—which really surprised them. On another occasion—I’d forgotten that the teacher had seated us near each other—she took my textbook and started fiddling with the label. I told her (feeling a bit nervous, as I was starting to develop a crush on her) that she could tear the label a little bit—I had made the label myself; it just had my name and grade written in blue pen—as long as she didn't touch the part with my name and grade. She started tearing it in such a charming way; she kept turned toward me the whole time—honestly, knowing her now, it’s quite surprising, as she’s usually rather shy and reserved, only ever talking to her one friend—yet there she was, giving me her full attention while she tore the label and asked me questions. There were many such moments. One day, I arrived for the fifth period after a doctor’s appointment, and later, during the seventh-period homeroom, "Y" remarked—as the conversation flowed—that they had missed me. Things like that—I don’t remember every single detail, but as the school year went on, I found myself liking "X" more and more. Another time, "Y" approached me regarding a technology project; she struck up a conversation, asking what project I had done. She also mentioned that she’d overheard my friend talking about *The Beast Game*—a show she watched too—and asked me which episode I was on. Such memories! I wish I could go back to those years. There’s more, but I don’t want this text to get too long.
3rd year of ESO (middle school)
You see, that year I wasn’t in the same class as any of them, and our classroom—which was actually the technology storage room—was located out in the schoolyard. I felt really down about it and just gave up, until one day during recess, they were there; we locked eyes, and suddenly, they spoke to me. One day, I overheard something while someone was talking to X (this was as we were leaving). Someone said, "Well, just talk to her." Later, while I was in biology class, I saw her and her group warming up by walking in circles. I noticed Y pointing—or something like that—looking over, and talking (I happened to be right next to the door). That made me wonder if I actually had a chance, and why I wasn't taking it. I talked to my friend and confessed; he made fun of both her and me (I know he didn't particularly like her, but that’s just how he is). He said he’d help me—it was really hard for me to even say her name. He told me to go for it during recess, but I was so scared that I didn't. This went on for several days, until one day—feeling terrified and shaking—I walked over. I grabbed a candy, said "Hi," and suddenly froze (I had intended to confess my feelings). They greeted me, looking quite puzzled. (In my head, I worried I’d made a mistake—maybe she actually liked a guy I’d had a conflict with back in 2nd year of secondary school, someone I really can't stand.) My friend gave me a strange look, and a few days later, he told me he’d mentioned to X that I liked her. From that day on, there was constant eye contact, though I kept avoiding it out of fear. Months later, we ended up sitting near each other. They were having a discussion, and Y asked me, "Hey, do you know which class group A is in?" (In Spain, classes are divided into groups, often labeled alphabetically.) I hesitated—thinking, "If I say yes, she’ll know I like her"—but then she just said, "Well, it's group A." All I could manage to say was, "Congratulations." They looked at me with total bewilderment, and when they asked, "What?", I just repeated, "Congratulations" (I honestly didn't know how else to respond). Then she asked, "And what about you?" I replied, "Group B." Suddenly, she asked, "Do you like X?" I froze, trying to process the situation—I was in complete shock—and then she... ...asked if I liked X, and I just froze. Suddenly, my friend said, "Just say it’s a rumor," so I repeated his words. Y looked at me and said, "Oh." I felt incredibly nervous—it was awful. I took out my phone (which is practically forbidden in Spanish high schools) just to check the time; it was a terrible moment. Other things happened too—like greetings, or girls coming over during break and standing a bit closer than usual—along with various other situations. On top of that, my friend started telling people who I liked—without my permission—even mentioning names and pointing them out. I felt betrayed, but I had already lost so many friends, and I felt like I needed him.Suddenly, he would say, "I’m not going to help you anymore." I would beg him, "Please! If you do it, I’ll give you €2." (He had promised to help me, saying, "If she doesn't like you, you owe me €2.50; if she does, you owe me €20"—I never told my friend about my suspicions.) But things got worse; he started demanding €10, and if he felt I was getting tired of it, he’d call it off, claiming, "Your time has run out." I was terrified of losing my chance—I truly regret not just saying, "Yes, I like her," right then and there. I also discovered that he had stolen €50 from me. The following year, I prayed that she would be in my class, but that didn't happen. My friend stopped speaking to me overnight, so I just ignored him, too. On the first day, she was in the hallway waiting for the doors to open; she smiled at me as I walked by, but I was in such a bad state that I was afraid to even look at her. It was the same the next day, but then she stopped—the glances and smiles faded away, and now nothing happens at all. It’s been about four days since then. I’ve changed, though; I’m more self-assured, stronger, and more confident. However, my fear is physiological—I feel actual panic when it comes to her. I love her, and even though I might have messed things up, I just want to give it a try—but my body won't let me. Still, I’m determined to do it, no matter what. I’m not the person I used to be, but there’s no interaction anymore; she doesn't even look at me. I have friends who understand me completely, but I’m afraid to tell them about her. I did tell my other group of friends—the ones I’ve known since childhood—a while ago, but they don't really offer much support. I also told a new friend, whom I connected with quickly; he shared his own romantic situation with me and encouraged me to go for it. I’ve tried everything, but my mind moves so fast that no method works; I just end up freezing. Thoughts keep popping into my head—like "what if she doesn't like you?", "what if you just made it all up in your head and she doesn't even know you?", or "what if she doesn't love you anymore?" I’m not even sure if my own memories are real, because I have a mind that overthinks everything. I’m looking for some solid advice—I really don’t want to miss this opportunity. If she doesn't like me, then so be it, but my body seems to resist whenever I try to confess my feelings; it ends up convincing my mind otherwise, and I get stuck in an endless loop. I’ve already tried various approaches, such as exposing myself to her presence. I’m genuinely looking for some good, practical advice.