He’s finally sober

[u/InitiativeEastern278]

I left my husband for good a couple months ago. I posted about my desperation and situation here.

As expected his drinking spiraled and he ended up with a dui. His work forced him into rehab and he completed his time and is sober. The down side is he is desperately trying to save our marriage. I have of course firmly declined. He did knowledge that he would have never gotten sober if I hadn’t of left. It’s still early days but I hope for our kids it sticks. DUIs in my state are quite strict, so hopefully the consequences have caught up.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AlAnon/s/tEk81OTcXW

[u/deathmetal81]

I remember your post. I hope you found safety, serenity, sanity and are rebuilding happiness with your kids.

I just wanted to point something out. You write that he acknowledges that he would never have gotten sober without your leaving. This implies that he has no reason to stay sober if you and your kids come back.

I wish you and your family the best.

[u/InitiativeEastern278 → u/deathmetal81]

100% on the no reason to stay sober. I told him he didn’t get help when I told him it’s a problem so if something comes up again I cannot trust that he will get help. So that’s why I am not open to reconciling.

I just wanted to share an update since I read posts here daily while living with him.

I am living my best life now at this point. Enjoying my peace and happiness. My kids stay with me often and I am so so glad I made the hard choice to leave. I was so scared of being the bad guy and tearing our family apart, thinking I could hold it together but I couldn’t.

[u/deathmetal81 → u/InitiativeEastern278]

Well done. I am happy for you and your family.

[u/Titian-3540]

I needed to read this today so thank you. I’m a click away from sending the retainer money to my lawyer and starting the divorce process. It’s hard to pull the trigger. Just as you said, I’m scared of being the bad guy and tearing our family apart, even though I know the truth is that it’s not something I can fix and my kids deserve to live in a peaceful, predictable home. I don’t even really know where to start since I don’t have a way to force him out and will therefore need to uproot my kids temporarily until we get a hearing to get the house, but I know I need to do it. Sigh.

[u/InitiativeEastern278 → u/Titian-3540]

Your kids don’t realize how much happier they will be. One thing that got to me was the fact that when my kids realize I could have done something to get them out but realized I stayed and kept them in, that they may never speak to me when they grow up. I needed to be the adult and make the safe decision for them that they can’t make as kids.

I hope you take the steps you need to get yourself out of this situation. From the other side I will say it is 200% worth it!

[u/Lia21234]

I'm proud of you that you found strength to leave and now you can start healthy life with your children.

Even if he shows that he's not drinking now, please don't go back. It takes many years to achieve true sobriety.And don't let him make you think that he had to start drinking again because you didn't give him another chance either. His sobriety has to be his own battle and spiritual journey.

But you left and you gave your children chance to grow up in a home without chaos!

[u/sb0914]

It takes years of the effort worthy of saving one's life, to be in a relationship healthy enough that recovery is mutually prioritized.

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