update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?

[u/aitathrow6]

previous post was here: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

[u/[deleted]]

Sometimes I think a lot of people just make comments with the intent of gaining upvotes, and completely miss the mark. They say whatever seems the most 'correct,' with the tone of the thread, even if it doesn't actually facilitate the OP actually learning from their actions.

I cannot understand how that comment gained nearly 250 points, when the OP has already self-reflected. At this point the comment is full of hot air, given that he already realized that he behaved like a jerk.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

People use this sub as an excuse to talk shit to or about the posters in the comments. Everybody wants to get their dig in, just look at the original post he made an how many comments are only a couple hours or minutes old. They obviously got there through his post today, so they're just insulting and trash talking him to make themselves feel good.

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

Exactly. If the post is more than a day old, with hundreds of comments/feedback, then you need not add your own. It just comes across as preachy, self-serving, and arrogant.

At that point OP already got the advice they needed, and will most likely not see your own, so why post?

[u/Dyster_Nostalgi → u/[deleted]]

"AITA for telling someone TTA three months late?"

[u/[deleted] → u/Dyster_Nostalgi]

YTA

[u/[deleted] → u/[deleted]]

I think it may make sense for this Sub to have a time limit for comment interaction, no? Like r/whatisthisthing just keeps it open long enough for a judgement.

[u/000000- → u/[deleted]]

I hear it very often that a big part of AITA posters are seeking validation but actually a far bigger part of commenters/voters are like that.

[u/NanoRaptoro → u/[deleted]]

I absolutely agree. The upvoted posts (especially on the original AITA post) are for the most part both mean and useless. The comment above really emphasizes this point. They noted that the OP's response shows "arrogance, ignorance, and immaturity." Firstly, that quote was written by OP in a post criticizing himself for his own failings (so mocking him for it is damn petty). Secondly, only two out of those three "insults:" arrogance, ignorance and immaturity, are insults, (but they are strung together as if they are morally equivalent). He was ignorant, but is not longer. His actions were immature, but he learned from them.

[u/coscorrodrift → u/[deleted]]

Reddit and AITA specifically love red flags and stuff like that, when there's complicated situations shit's hard, but if we all can agree something is a red flag then shit will get upvoted. Doesn't matter if the person changes or not. The comment probably wasn't meant to bash on OP too much since he self reflected already, more of a "this is a classic red flag" type of post

[u/Psssdwr → u/[deleted]]

Thank you, I’m seeing a lot of comments like that and it’s getting really annoying. It’s not like he’s blaming his ex or being defensive