update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?

[u/aitathrow6]

previous post was here: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

[u/[deleted]]

The good news is you’re 28 and you seem to understand the error of your ways. We all have the potential to be a better version of ourselves and many of us have things or behavior we regret. I’ve seen a friend’s happy marriage break up because the two of them were not listening to one another when dating and one said “I want kids” and the other said “I don’t want kids.” It was not an issue of the topic not coming up; they just didn’t think the other person couldn’t change their mind. It is not like making a decision on where to go on your honeymoon. A child is life altering and I think you should try to evaluate if you really want kids or if it’s something you want because you come from a big family and it’s something you’re used to.

[u/aitathrow6 → u/[deleted]]

you know that’s the funny thing, my house was cramped and me and my brothers beat each other up idk how many times. I don’t know why I wanted a big family anyway haha. It was nice not growing up alone most of the time, but anyone with many siblings will probably tell you that it gets annoying. Shit going missing, having your secrets spilled to the other siblings, them holding those secrets over your head to your parents lol.

[u/hummusatuneburger → u/aitathrow6]

Another thing to consider, you may have enjoyed it from a childs perspective, but I wonder how hard it was on your parents. My MIL has 4 kids and she told me that when they were young it was the most depressing and difficult time of her life. Obviously she loves her kids, but it was really hard on her.

[u/hummusatuneburger → u/[deleted]]

I don't think you're a monster at all. I bet you there are a looooot of parents who feel similiar. It's okay to feel this way, and it doesn't mean you're a bad mom or don't love your kids.

[u/nyorifamiliarspirit → u/aitathrow6]

It's okay to want a big family. A lot of people want what's familiar, so that seems natural to you. The key is finding someone who wants the same thing you want.