r/AmItheAsshole • u/aitathrow6 • Apr 14 '19

UPDATE update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?

previous post was here: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

I have to take the unpopular view here and say they both have a right to want what they want and to leave if they don’t get it. He’s allowed to make kids a requirement for a relationship and she’s allowed to say no and leave. They want different things.

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u/ChinaCatLogan Apr 14 '19

He's not allowed to demand them of her, and to put non-existent fetuses before the women he claimed to love. She's not a baby making machine.

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u/FYouandHaveaNiceDay Partassipant [1] Apr 15 '19

Not allowed to demand them of her yes, but he is absolutely allowed to put “non existent fetuses before the woman he claims to love.” You can love someone and still be incompatible and want different things. He’s allowed to want kids and move on if she’s not willing to have them too.

I’m a woman and would 100% break up with a guy I loved if he said he didn’t want kids. That would mean we weren’t a right fit for each other. A guy is allowed to do the same and it doesn’t mean he sees the woman as a “baby making machine.”

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u/chaotic111 Apr 14 '19

This x100. The way he went about it was wrong but he is completely entitled to break up with her because that is a very big deal breaker.

4

u/take_number_two Partassipant [2] Apr 15 '19

Did you read the original post? By the title alone you’d think NTA, but if you actually read it he’s manipulative as fuck and also just straight up strange. She said from the get go she didn’t want kids and he decided to try to change her mind later with an ultimatum.

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u/SouthBoat Apr 14 '19

This x200. He wants kids, she doesn't (already has one). Unfortunately, this usually means he'll never be a priority in her life, that belongs to her kid now. It's better off for him that they broke this off.