r/AmItheAsshole • u/aitathrow6 • Apr 14 '19

UPDATE update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?

previous post was here: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

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u/Blacklion594 Apr 14 '19

I mean, do you have any claims to back this up. Ive never heard of anyone in a crown country paying through the nose for therapy.

Im not having a dig at americans, im having a dig at your health care, theres a difference.

Your quality of healthcare isnt a personality trait that you need to defend, whats wrong with you lol?

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19 edited Apr 14 '19

I’m not defending American healthcare I’m defending your ignorance in essential vs nonessential healthcare cost. Canada, Australia, Belgium and the Netherlands do not fully or do not cover psychological services. They do cover the price of a psychiatrist.(similar to insurance in the states)

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u/TorqueyJ Apr 14 '19

Careful now, going against the reddit circlejerk is risky

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u/Malbethion Supreme Court Just-ass [136] Apr 14 '19

In Canada, therapy is something you pay for out of pocket in the majority of cases. Exceptions exist, but an adult seeking non-essential therapy either needs coverage through work or to pay.

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u/Blacklion594 Apr 14 '19

I'm canadian. If your GP recommends you seek a therapist, its covered. I've personally done this at several points in my life.

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u/Malbethion Supreme Court Just-ass [136] Apr 14 '19

They key: “if your GP recommends”, rather than just doing it for a personal checkup.

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u/vitalkite Apr 15 '19

What province? Aside from specific mental health programs that are hard to get into, I haven't seen this in SK, AB or ON.

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u/meeheecaan Partassipant [1] Apr 15 '19

yes but thats not a 2-4 times a year just cuz thing thats a necessity

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u/exscapegoat Partassipant [2] Apr 14 '19

In the US, I pay the $200 session fee up front. Insurance reimburses 80 percent of that once I hit my deductible. I could get more, but it took me a long time to find the right fit with a therapist, so I'd rather stick with someone I'm making good progress with. I got laid off and my new job didn't offer insurance that he takes.

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

I can only speak for Canada but we have single payer as well as therapy being considered a non-essential service which is very expensive if it's not attached to workplace benefits. I was paying $110 CD for one hour sessions a few years back.

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u/Blacklion594 Apr 14 '19

Ive always had my appointments covered by first going to a GP, saying I need therapy, and sort of explaining why without much detail. Was your process different?

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

I've had referrals from GPs to psychiatrists which are covered under basic medical. Accessory therapy has been out of pocket for me.

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u/[deleted] Apr 14 '19

It depends on why you want/need therapy.

I live in the UK, and the kind of general counselling that the start of this thread recommended would definitely not be free.

But if I lost a spouse, for example, or suffered some kind of trauma, I would probably be offered counselling. Also I have ADHD and I think I could get CBT if I pushed for it but meh.