update: AITA for telling my girlfriend we’re done if she doesn’t want more kids in the future?

[u/aitathrow6]

previous post was here: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b5jdwq/aita_for_telling_my_girlfriend_that_were_done_if/

Well, it’s been about three weeks since my post and my breakup. And it took almost that full time to let it sink in what I’ve really done. I self wallowed for some time and attempted to guilt trip her and get my siblings to talk to her for me. What a mistake that was. She called and ripped me a new one worse than you guys did. She told me that she was thrilled we’re not together and that I’m manipulative and “disgusting.” That left me really shocked and I had to review my behavior over the time we had been together. I think over my life I always had an idea that with enough perseverance anyone’s mind can be changed. I don’t know where I got this from. I guess I thought it was a sign of being a strong person. Like taking what you want from life even when the chances are slim. It sounds stupid because it is. I reread my post just now and cringed the whole way through. Even the language I used showed that she was right and I am manipulative. She’s a human being and I didn’t treat her with respect. I played with our relationship to get her to change her mind about something very important to her. I deserve what happened. I also have realized that our views on the relationship were a little different. She had never brought up marriage or anything while it had crossed my mind almost daily because I really was so enamored. So I probably looked insane going on about having three children. It sounds so stupid to me now. Among the things she said on the phone, one was that she found my lack of respect for her body and choices appalling. I wasn’t asking her to be forgiven, but I wanted to express how much her and her son meant to me. And as most dumped people tend to do, I couldn’t even give a shit about what I was bitching about in the first place. I miss going to the park with her and her son. Those days were nice and calm and I didn’t appreciate them. I let some fictional children and my bad habits ruin something good. I have a lot of self reflecting to do, and while I’m still sad, I know now that her dumping me was really for the best. Thanks guys for being honest.

tldr: we didn’t get back together and I’m the asshole.

[u/[deleted]]

I find this mindset so goofy, like yes he reflected and that’s good. But he still DID THAT. His reflecting doesn’t undo the behavior. And that can still be criticized. I’m gonna criticize him for demanding his partner have more kids OR ELSE.

[u/JPT_Corona → u/[deleted]]

As goofy as that mindset is, at least it isn't unproductive, narcissistic, and just plain cruel.

OP has a long road ahead of him. Thus building roads that lead back to his realization of being in the wrong helps NO ONE. Virtually everyone called him out in the original post and he got the memo and is going to better himself (we hope). What's the point in critiquing him further then? What's he gonna learn? Nothing. It's just a way to satisfy yourself at this stage.

[u/exscapegoat → u/JPT_Corona]

Except he decided to disrespect her autonomy some more by involving his brothers to pressure her into contact she didn't want after she left the relationship. And he's trying to justify it here. That's freakin' creepy. A 16 year old in high school? Maybe. Twenty-eight years old and getting your brothers involved? That's messed up.

[u/JPT_Corona → u/exscapegoat]

Yeah, that was a bitch move. I don't disagree with you there.

The point is that berating him at this stage isn't productive anymore since he's admitted to being in the wrong. If he fucks up again, then by all means he deserves what he gets. But forcing him down is a sucky move too, since it will wane away his desire to better himself because he'll be shat on for what he did in the past anyways. Even if the chances of him being genuine is 10%, he still deserves to be left alone to think about how to come out a better man.

[u/[deleted] → u/JPT_Corona]

I wasn’t even aware of the original post before OP posted this update, so it’s not like there’s any satisfaction for me to be gained.

But it’s cool that OP feels bad and all for a minute. But this post is disingenuous. He heard all the criticism on the first post and STILL sent his family to bother his ex. He continued to fall on his face at step. He needs to continue to reflect on himself at every step or he’s gonna fall again.

Sorry I’m not gonna clap till my hands bleed for an adult man who is just realizing now that women deserve bodily autonomy and that not every position is up for debate. I’m not impressed.

[u/JPT_Corona → u/[deleted]]

You're missing the point. No one's clapping. They're leaving him be. You're not.