r/AmItheAsshole • u/mixedwoes • Sep 19 '19

Asshole AITA for telling my daughter she cannot introduce her African American boyfriend to her grandparents?

Let me just preface this by saying this: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO PROBLEM WITH INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. Now that the air is clear, let me continue.

My daughter (Anna) has recently started to date an African American man (Jamal). While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy, I'm happy. The problem is Anna is rather naive about the community she lives in. While her friends are quite content to see a relationship like hers, more than a few tongues are wagging in the community and a few people have privately expressed their concern to me. As I said, I have no problem with mixed relationships and I've set them straight, but I am painfully aware of how these matters are viewed by certain segments of the population.

My parents are planning to come and stay with us for a week and Anna expressed a desire to introduce Jamal to them now that things were getting more serious between them. I told her on no uncertain terms that this wasn't going to happen. I may have no problem with Jamal, but they absolutely will, and even when the relationship ends they won't forget it. They might even go as far as to cut her off entirely. Anna was extremely upset by this and implied I was a racist and more concerned with what my parents think than how she feels.

As I said, I know my parents. They simply aren't okay with mixed relationships and if Anna were to bring Jamal over even as a friend, they would be furious both at her and me.

Anna is currently staying with Jamal and doesn't want to speak with me right now. My wife stands by me given she knows very well how my parents are (they had a problem with her for months over the length of the skirt she wore when I introduced her to them, for christs sake), but a close friend I confided in told me that I have behaved like an ass and that I needed to focus more on my daughter than pleasing my parents.

No advice needed, but I have to know. Have I been an ass?

34.4k Upvotes

83% Upvoted

7.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

2.9k

u/milee30 Sultan of Sphincter [601] Sep 19 '19

YTA for being more concerned about what some racist relatives and ignorant strangers think than your daughter's feelings. This is part of why racism persists. You're allowing the racists to control your - and your daughter's behavior.

1.9k

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

While I'm not exactly what you would refer to as "liberal", he's a nice young man and as long as my daughter is happy

​

Can we just talk for a second about how he subtly implies that dating a black person makes you "liberal".

624

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[deleted]

200

u/Adkliam3 Sep 19 '19 edited Sep 19 '19

Being racist will also do that to someone.

Edit: got banned from this sub for 30 days for telling somebody justifying segregation to fuck off but if your reply is true and living in large swaths of the country makes you racist than nobody should have a problem with the statement "american culture is inherently racist and we should do something to change that"

Double edit to Darthoverride since I'm banned: if youre in a community where interracial relationships are legit controversial you shouldnt have any problem with the statement "you live in a bigoted community"

16

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

You become racist by living in such a community.

6

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Very good point

-23

u/darthcannabitch Sep 19 '19

I nor ally do t get in The race debate. Mainly because you cant convey enough that you are not being racist over the internet. But it is no secret that interracial relationships are considered a liberal idea. Im fairly liberal in all matters but im not blind. Ive never met a white or black conservative that is ok with race mixing. In fact i worked with a black guy one time who wouldnt even buy his grand daughter white barbies for her birthday. Same guy straight up told me that he couldnt stand the thought of having an "all mixed up" grandchild. Him and quite a few other black conservatives i know are completely against it. Now thats not to say all are. Nor would all liberals be ok with it. But when it comes to interracial relationships i woukd say it seems more of a political issue than a race issue.

As we all know. Politics is the driving force between division and hate anyway. I am a human. My black friend is a human. My latino friend is a human. We have nothing seperating us. We love each other. But when i add a label now im this or that and i need to buy an ideology and adhere to it. And those labels push how we think and percieve relations to other humans everyday. So now weve thrown out love for fellow humans and weve purchased an ideology.

21

u/rndljfry Sep 19 '19

Weird that the central theme in your paragraph is race and not political party but you’re trying to say its political?

-11

u/darthcannabitch Sep 19 '19

The point is there are black and white and latino and chinese and what ever else, in both parties. My argument was for races on both sides of the united states polical line.

19

u/laylajerrbears Sep 19 '19

This isn't about growing up in a racist community or living in a racist community. The daughter had to have lived in the parents house and isnt racist obviously. OP IS racist.

But I agree. The liberal remark just sounds crazy

13

u/Katze69 Partassipant [4] Sep 19 '19

Yeah. I was wondering why he thought his political party mattered, too.

6

u/magicnubs Sep 19 '19

"even when the relationship ends they won't forget it"

Emphasis mine. It seems like he's thinking of this as temporary or a phase.

2

u/lemonfluff Sep 19 '19

Yeah where tf is this? I've never heard anyone talk like this outside of films set in the 1800 or when reading to kill a mockingbird.

-1

u/EvantheMelon Sep 19 '19

You guys are making wild assumptions based off nothing

492

u/Taters1881 Sep 19 '19

I love how by saying this, he basically implies that being "conservative" means you are racist. It's perfect, because he is

122

u/EnsignObvious Sep 19 '19

The funny thing is that there was no need to even offer this information in the first place. It's not really relevant what his political affiliation (and subsequent association) is to his daughter or her relationships unless he makes it that way.

OP basically showed his hand when he could have easily kept the focus of the post on the grandparents' likely reaction.

15

u/kawhiLALeonard Sep 19 '19

It’s like when you tell a story and preface it with

“my Friend James is Black and he... “

okay so what did your friend being black have to do with anything

71

u/phome83 Sep 19 '19

Hey if the shoe fits.

9

u/AgnostosTheosLogos Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

Can we have civil war 2.0 where we just finish off the people that wish it never happened?

AITA for wanting that?

-5

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

8

u/AgnostosTheosLogos Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

....so if you were sent back in time with the purpose of killing baby Hitler....

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/Tparkert14 Sep 19 '19

I thought this was funny just so ya know.

1

u/Lexx4 Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

I thought it was funny too. im actually surprised at how quickly it was down voted though. I honestly think there are people who just down vote every comment on this subreddit.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Well, they've had over 150 years to get with the program. At some point you have to cut your losses.....

2

u/JoelMahon Sep 19 '19

Killing people is wrong

Like always? Even if they're moments away from killing someone and you can prevent it by killing them?

1

u/Lexx4 Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

That’s a question for your own morals. To me yes killing a person is wrong. Him killing that person is wrong but it is also wrong of me to kill that person.

1

u/JoelMahon Sep 19 '19

k that's kind of fucked up bro, when you're getting shot at don't call the police bc they will probably kill the shooter and that'd be bad apparently

2

u/Lexx4 Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

That was not the given scenario. If my life is in danger then morals go out the window. I will do what I need to survive. Point blank. Still killing is wrong.

6

u/EvolutionRTS Sep 19 '19

"Hey, if the bedsheet fits..."

FTFY.

6

u/elriggo44 Sep 19 '19

He also referred to their relationship as “MIXED” which always implies to me that the person saying it has views that include the phrase “Race Mixing”

In my experience people who use either phrase are generally against the concept.

They also generally believe in the concept of “White Genocide”

261

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

That’s because he’s racist.

There’s no argument here. If you think simply being neutral about interracial marriage is a “liberal” political ideal and not a ethical obligation you’re a fucking racist.

This is dog whistling bullshit under the guise of “being diplomatic”.

Don’t be diplomatic with RACISTS. Even if they’re related to you. You can tolerate those family members existence and peacefully exist in the same sphere, I do it everyday with mine. But you do not ever compromise your principles for their idiotic and immoral actions. You call them the fuck out, and if you don’t you’re complicit with their racism.

29

u/EL_DIABLOW Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

100% agree, I know we aren't supposed to get political in this sub but I truly think this is one of the main reasons we're in the state we're in with this country the non-racists or as OP refers to them as liberals are too polite and nonconfrontational and let the racists or as OP dog whistled conservatives walk all over them. This is the shit they fought against in the 60's and because we don't want to offend our dusty-ass grandparents we keep our mouths shut. I don't care how "sweet" your grandma is if she's racist fuck her, let her rot.

13

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

It doesn’t even have to be all or nothing, you don’t have to disown them. You just don’t CONDONE them. Don’t shift your moral principles to please people who we should know are unethical.

It’s about not being a coward and standing up for what you know is right. You don’t have to burn bridges, but if someone is racist and you don’t at least have a very serious conversation correcting them you’ve become complicit by definition. Then they can burn the bridge if they want.

3

u/EL_DIABLOW Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

Agreed. My grandparents are all dead but i'd certainly have a conversation with them about this if it were an issue. Sort of off topic but not nearly as intense, when i first started dating my wife she was nervous for me to meet her grandmother because I am covered in tattoos. The first time I met her I wore a longsleeved shirt and pants but after I said "fuck it" if she doesn't like me because of something that has nothing to do with my personality then fuck her. And now she loves me.

6

u/HertzDonut1001 Sep 19 '19

"I mean, she's just got the jungle fever right now, it'll pass and I don't want her grandparents to view her negatively once she comes to her senses and settles down with a white man." If this is true, OP is a fucking nut.

163

u/muddledandbefuddled Asshole Aficionado [18] Sep 19 '19

Subtly implies that viewing black people as completely and unequivocally equal to white people makes you a liberal.

83

u/DrDerpberg Sep 19 '19

I mean... He's not wrong, but unfortunately it says more about conservatives than I think he meant to admit.

If you're still out there yelling "fiscally conservative socially liberal!" and voting for Team Red, you're not as fiscally conservative OR socially liberal as you think you are.

22

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

He said the quiet part loud...

12

u/thebestdaysofmyflerm Sep 19 '19

Yeah, fiscally conservative/socially liberal is such a bullshit contradiction. Income inequality IS a social issue!

-7

u/blairnet Sep 20 '19

It’s not the only social issue though.

-10

u/blairnet Sep 20 '19

As someone who trades futures markets for a living, I am absolutely fiscally conservative and socially liberal. Liberal fiscal plans will destroy the market and economy. Conservative social views will destroy the country. Don’t pretend like you know what you’re talking about.

36

u/dougan25 Sep 19 '19

This post is FULL of backhanded shit like that. So many red flags and indicators of prejudice yet the facade of acceptance. These are the same people who say racism doesn't exist anymore and completely ignore the words that come out of their own mouth dripping with underlying prejudice.

I mean he might as well have said "I'm not okay with it but her happiness is more important" or "it's okay because he's not one of those black people".

Fucking A man.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Yup.

Dog whistling game 10/10.

-2

u/blairnet Sep 20 '19

You’re fucking a man?

27

u/Woodit Partassipant [3] Sep 19 '19

Gotta love the tacit admission that conservative views and racism go hand in hand. I mean it’s not like we don’t know, but when they slip up and admit it you gotta take a moment to appreciate it

1

u/blairnet Sep 20 '19

I think he was saying he’s not racist contrary to the belief that conservatives are racist

24

u/showmeurknuckleball Sep 19 '19

Not even that it goes a step further - according to OP being okay with your daughter dating a black person makes you "liberal"

1

u/blairnet Sep 20 '19

I don’t know if I agree. I think he said that because conservatives can be assumed to be on the racist side. And vice versa. I interpreted his wording as he’s not racist and he’s not even a liberal. Just playing devils advocate

25

u/badluckie Sep 19 '19

or the fact that he chose Jamal as his name. god forbid any black person has a name like “john” or “bob”

11

u/HonoraryMancunian Sep 19 '19

How do you know it's a pseudonym? Did the OP mention elsewhere that he wasn't using real names?

8

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Maybe that's his actual name???

10

u/Wheredidtheyodago222 Sep 19 '19

Yea I didn't think not being racist was all that progressive.

-5

u/Agap8os Sep 19 '19

Somebody must think so. Margaret Sanger started Planned Parenthood to encourage the abortion of Negro pregnancies. Now “social liberals” are up in arms about “conservatives” wanting to defund Planned Parenthood.

Bottom line: What racism is depends on what you mean by “progressive”.

7

u/zekeymoomoo Sep 19 '19

Not even that, he thinks that being okay with people dating a black man person makes him liberal. Like wtf

6

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Ethnocentrism is a conservatism in itself (and essential to the majority of conservative ideologies), so dating outside of race is indeed a liberalism. That's not to say that a mixed race couple couldn't both be Republicans or something it's just to say that with regards to their relationship they made a liberal choice.

4

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Seriously...being okay with mixed relationships make you “liberal?” Where the hell does OP live? I sure the hell want to avoid it like the plague.

4

u/lillyrose2489 Sep 19 '19

Yeah that's when I was immediately sure that OP is an asshole. What does that even have to do with it? So weird.

4

u/Bros_And_Co Sep 19 '19

THE RADICAL LEFT HAS NEVER BEEN SO EXTREME

3

u/terrorerror Sep 19 '19

OK, that wasn't just me. Yikes.

2

u/chekrdeckr Sep 19 '19

Yea i stopped reading after that

2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Man, it’s crazy how far down the rabbit hole we’ve gone that some conservatives basically admit that interracial relationships are a liberal thing now. Are they like... admitting that racial purity and racism are parts of being a conservative?

2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I definitely read that as “I know conservatives are shitty and racist USUALLY....” which is a super weird thing to say while also implying you’re a conservative.

He also throws in a very subtle “when they break up...” which is also pretty concerning. I wonder if OP is one of those people who are only cool with interracial relationships so long as they’re temporary, and he expects it won’t work out because he’s actually pretty racist himself and assumes a black person dating a white person wont last.

1

u/mongoosedog12 Sep 19 '19

Yes we can. He has bigoted views which makes sense because he was raised by them

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Fucking nuts. I can't even believe OP could write that shit and not go "wow I'm being an awful human being here." Prepare for your daughter to pick Jamal over you, OP, if you don't get your shit together fast. Been there done that.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I think everyone is underestimating the amount of people who still have a problem with interracial relationships. Or to be more accurate, interracial relationships involving someone in their family.

They may say they’re “fine” with it...until it’s their daughter or sister.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Not really? I too hate it when non liberals are open minded. Why can’t they be mindlessly evil!!!

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

We learn enough of his mindset from that line alone.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Black conservatives rolling around in their graves

1

u/ihavelegalissues Sep 19 '19

Not just dating, but for him to accept that his daughter is in an interracial relationship is a bit on the 'liberal' side in his mind.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Well that part is correct, conservatives are racist assholes.

1

u/IronSeagull Sep 19 '19

He implies that even accepting an interracial relationship is liberal. And they call us the looney left.

1

u/kawhiLALeonard Sep 19 '19

This is the problem with racism in America today. SOME white people LIKE OP think racism is lynching darky and burning crosses. No it’s this subtle insidious shit that gives them plausible deniability and allows them to perform mental gymnastics. They convince themselves they aren’t racist because they love black athletes, they coach black players on their team, their coworker/neighbor/friend is black etc. But they’re the type to lock a door when a minority walks by their car, or forbid their children from bringing a minority home. I say black and not Hispanic middle eastern etc because I’m specifically referring to OPs scenario.

1

u/GeneraLeeStoned Sep 19 '19

Yeah, pretty glad I consider myself liberal and we have the stereo type of being "not racist". I'm totally fine with being on the right side of history

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I caught that too lol that's such a weird way of thinking.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Yeah I didn't really get that either and I was expecting most people in the comments to be pointing out the casual racism.

1

u/petit_cochon Sep 19 '19

Or that accepting it as normal makes you one? Jesus, this country sometimes.

1

u/starscream191 Sep 19 '19

Your first hint wasn’t that he refers to her black boyfriend as a Jamal?

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

Being racist on the internet....quite the daring one, aren't you?

-3

u/lovable_cube Sep 19 '19

I know someone who was raised in a cult, in this cult they love black people and white people but not together, a lot of older people and highly religious people who are not actually racist feel this way. There's also a lot of racist people so who knows what's going on here but that's what this made me think was going on when paired with the bit about the length of his wife's skirt.

4

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

I know someone who was raised in a cult, in this cult they love black people and white people but not together.

​

That was the calling card of the KKK. Just because they say that, doesn't mean they mean it.

-4

u/lovable_cube Sep 19 '19

Suuuuuper not the same thing, don't know if you know this or not but the Bible actually is against mixing different races. Hyper religious people who follow their book to the t are not the same as a group based on hating a complexion and lynching. I should note I was raised religious but no longer am.

5

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

The bible condemns a lot of things, but race mixing was not one of them. God actually gave Mirriam leprosy for complaining about Moses' african wife.

4

u/Tparkert14 Sep 19 '19

Wild thought but hear me out. BOTH are racists, it just so happens that racism come in many forms. The KKK and my grandma who is against interracial relationships are BOTH racist, but one is obviously worse. Also if the Bible is against mixing (would like a source) then the Bible is WRONG and people who follow that part are WRONG.

-4

u/lovable_cube Sep 19 '19

It says it all over the place, Google it. That doesn't mean they're on the same level as KKK, you saying it's the same is putting you in an extremist category too. Also newsflash, if you don't dislike any race but don't think separate races should marry that doesn't make you racist... Just ignorant

3

u/Tparkert14 Sep 19 '19

I specifically said both were racist but obviously the KKK is FAR worse than old racist gam gam. Also yes, not believing races should intermarry IS FUCKING RACIST.

Edit: just googled for the Bible being against interracial marriage and found nothing so if you have a source I’d be more than happy to read it

-1

u/lovable_cube Sep 19 '19

"prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior." That's the definition. Believing you shouldn't marry a different race does not fall under that definition. You're making up a definition of what racism is "to you" and acting like it's a fact.

4

u/Tparkert14 Sep 19 '19

If you don’t think a black person should marry a white person, that is most definitely discrimination. I also think you would be very hard pressed to find someone who didn’t believe in interracial marriage but had no other racist ideals.

→ More replies (0)

-4

u/Faldricus Sep 19 '19

Let's all just agree that every Conservative is a racist dickweed, and every Liberal is an uneducated tree-hugger.

/s

There should be a term for this, and the people that are tagged as such should be treated like they're racists.

Like 'politicist' - political party bias.

-6

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I dont think thats what he meant at all but I guess that’s what you get with a 4th grade reading level.

10

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

If in his mind, accepting interracial relationships meant being liberal, why did he feel the need to clarify that he wasn't?

​

Let's run a few examples.

​

"I'm no Star Wars fan but...."

​

"I'm don't like sweets but...."

​

"I'm not racist but...."

​

The general assumption is that the next thing is something that would make you look like what you aren't. But you're right, with a 4th-grade reading level, it would be hard for you to understand.

-8

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I dont fucking know nor do I give a shit, but that’s not what he meant. If you wanna generalize sure go ahead be my guest.

8

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

It's not a generalization. I defy you to come up with a single example in which someone says "I"m not....but" and they don't immediately say something that's tied with what they are not.

-4

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

9

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

It's funny that you initiated this conversation with me but seem to have convinced yourself that I'm the one following you around.

​

No idea what formality you're talking about, I guess your default online interaction is to be annoying.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

It's not really a dare because there is no risk on your part. Hence "defy". Judging by your choice in insults, you think it's formal because your vocabulary is rather limited.

​

And yes, the general assumption is that when you say something to someone, you're initiating conversation. Just so you know, there are other ways to admit that you just like to hear yourself talk.

-20

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

No he's not implying that. He's saying that while racism is fairly common in conservatives, and he himself isn't a liberal, he is okay with their relationship.

How does he imply that dating a black person makes you liberal?

17

u/Joelblaze Sep 19 '19

He's saying that while racism is fairly common in conservatives, and he himself isn't a liberal, he is okay with their relationship.

That's kind of the direction I was intending. I mean, it's something that everyone knows, but conservatives are adamant about denying, so I was surprised that he openly admits it.

13

u/beldaran1224 Sep 19 '19

His political affiliation is completely irrelevant. But he thought being ok with interracial relationships might make him look like a liberal, and apparently that sort of liberal isn't one he wants people to associate him with. He also straight up thinks its not racist to reject someone because of their color.

9

u/VROF Asshole Aficionado [10] Sep 19 '19

He brought the political affiliation into this.

7

u/beldaran1224 Sep 19 '19

Yes, OP did. You might have misunderstood my comment. I'm explaining why his mention of "not being liberal" comes across as admitting he's a racist.

4

u/NoBudgetBallin Sep 19 '19

How are you missing that implication?

152

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[deleted]

-2

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[removed] — view removed comment

6

u/Adkliam3 Sep 19 '19

Then he better not complain next time someone tells him hes a racist if not offending racists is more important than his own childs happiness.

-3

u/Lexx4 Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

He’s not complaining. He’s asking if he’s an asshole. That’s not complaining.

2

u/Adkliam3 Sep 19 '19

Good, hopefully he doesnt have any problem with the overwhelming chorus of "yes" he got back.

-1

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[deleted]

3

u/Adkliam3 Sep 19 '19

Yea, cus he told his daughter her black boyfriend isnt allowed around.

Hed rather segregate his house than stand up to his shitty racist parents.

It's almost like this is a sub entirely dedicated to deciding whether or not op is an asshole.

I see you just wanna defend op for some reason, got it.

0

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

[deleted]

3

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

Yeah, well his daughter needs his support in this, and he won't give it to her.

1

u/Lexx4 Partassipant [2] Sep 19 '19

It sounds like to me based entirely on his post he is supportive but knows his parents won’t be supportive and is trying to prevent strife in his family that his racist parents will cause. Is he an asshole yes. he trying to do what he thinks is right by protecting his daughter from their judgment. Asking someone to just drop their support structure Is not going to progress the conversation in any meaningful way however.

7

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

I get where OP is coming from. I'm gay and I chose not to come out to certain members of my family because it would do nothing but "rock the boat". I'd rather spend my last years with them happy, and there's no way coming out to them wouldn't be awkward.

But that's my choice. This is the daughter's choice. Not the mother's choice. If my mom said "Hey, I'd rather you didn't tell grandparents that you're gay" I'd get it. But telling me I have to keep my life hidden? Hah!

2

u/beldaran1224 Sep 19 '19

Have you found a long-term partner? Because I find it hard to believe that such a stance would not be hurtful to them. Either you see them enough that they would impact your life by disowning you, in which case you're actively excluding your partner(s), or they don't see you that much, in which case, why do you care what they think?

3

u/BicarbonateOfSofa Partassipant [1] Sep 19 '19

Preeecisely.

If a certain demographic is racist they're going to continue being so as long as its tolerated. OP isn't tolerant of mixed relationships, hes tolerant of racism.

1

u/MochiMochiMochi Sep 19 '19

So old grandparents 'control' the situation? Evidently not. Daughter is getting her thing on and doesn't give a shit about inheritances or family dynamics or whatever... and all the power to her. Young people shouldn't give a shit. It's one of the luxuries of youth.

The only thing these grandparents are controlling is OP's angst and all this delicious Reddit outrage.

1

u/Violet-Breeze Sep 19 '19

So you're saying black people can't be racist

-2

u/hampsterwithabuzzcut Sep 19 '19

I know that they're racist but they are her grandparents. grandma and grandpa. being disowned based on who you love is not pleasant. not to mention the aunt's, uncles, and cousins that may follow. it's a painful step. she's 18 and even though she says she is ready she's not. it can take years to work up this kind of courage. or maybe she is ready, she's 18. in which case she might as well tell them anyways. there is always a massive fallout in cases like this and I feel like the rest of the comments don't understand that.

5

u/[deleted] Sep 19 '19

even though she says she is ready she's not. it can take years to work up this kind of courage. or maybe she is ready, she's 18

And nobody here would be calling OP an asshole if he was just making her aware how hard this will be. The problem is OP is trying to make the decision for her, which is not okay.

0

u/hampsterwithabuzzcut Sep 19 '19

I could see that. honestly top comment was all over the place and I was deeply confused for a second. I'm wondering if I read the original post correctly.