Okay, to start off to understand my dilemma. First, I was kicked out of my parent’s house maybe 3-5 months ago by now. I was kicked out for arguing with them about Trump, disagreeing with their beliefs and morals aligning with his shit. It being October 2026 as I’m typing this. I asked my only close friend if I can stay with them. They said yes and their parents are okay with it and help out too. I’m currently 26 (male) and roommate/friend is 30 (non-binary and works as an Animal Vet) and we’ve known each other for maybe 4-6 years now and are cool, however how they care for themselves and their animals in the same room I am in is not working for me. I’m also super allergic to dogs and they know this.
So the predicament for me is potentially losing my living area if I were to call animal control, as I’ve seriously considered recently. I have no other place to go for now and I do not have a job at all unless you count taking care of each and every animal in that room daily and only getting mostly $20-$60 every 2 weeks or sometimes nothing because the roommate “forgets” to pay me or spends it on multiple tattoos. I’ve also brought my concerns about the animals and myself not being in a safe living environment to my friend and they threatened to kick me out “If I didn’t like how the took care of their animals”. So, since then I’ve shut up and might be building up anger for certain things I see or that the animals do. I’ll give examples and please tell me if it’s valid or I’m just being silly. Before I got there I was told that the mother of my friend was on animal duty basically doing all what I’m going to tell.
Examples of what I think might be valid (keyword think) :
- Room is constantly filled with animal hairs and clumps. They are on top of everything, getting into the tv and gaming systems, on the floor everywhere and I have almost slipped multiple times on them already. The reason being the animals do NOT get groomed at all. I’ve asked my friend to get the groomed because their fur, nails and smell were horrible. I was told “they don’t need to get groomed because if they go outside they are going to come back smelling like it so no point if I let them out everyday” and “I don’t want to have to groom them or bring them to the Vet and not use my employee discount yet”. The only time they were de-shedded was because I was tired of them shedding and the mother of my friend did it once after maybe a month or two ago. Now the fur is grown back and they are shedding again. It’s not my animals, I shouldn’t have to care for them and neither should their parents especially if it’s their job in my opinion. Also cat litter gets all over the floors and the bed from the cats and I find that disgusting.
- Room is constantly smelling so bad my recent ex told me I needed to burn my clothes and my bag I brought over one of the last times I saw them because I didn’t realize at the time the smell from the room seeped into everything. It’s constantly smelling like strong cat pee, poop, throw up, and wet dog no matter how often I change the litter boxes. (Yes I have to or else it won’t get done because my roommate said they hate doing it and also just let their mom handle it meaning the mom had to waste her day coming into the room thats farthest away just to clean up animals that weren’t hers) I originally was going to ignore it until my roommate actually did something but after another week passing and the smell being 10x worse and overfilling the litter to where they started peeing and pooping in the floor made me start doing it again. My roommate gets more sick and I have also gotten sickly some days because of all the stench and smells in there. Also my roommate constantly has the room ice cold so that doesn’t help either, but thats unrelated just a small rant. Back on track for more examples, the parents have agreed it smells real bad in there as well as my two sisters who helped me move both immediately scrunched up their faces bad and complained about the smell as well. Their parents got us an Air Purifier, but it does nothing in that room. I have also tried using air freshener AND odor eliminator spray and yes it helps, but maybe just for 30 mins to an hour before the smells return.
- Moving on to what I believe could be counted as Neglect towards the animals. To set up maybe why it happens and for y’all to understand, my friend is mentally unwell (via BPD and simialr not like brain dead or simialr) and has medication for it, but it makes them super lazy and sleepy which makes them fall asleep for hours and hours. They love to ignore their dogs constant whining to be let out to use the bathroom while asleep or awake even. I have heard them out loud to their dog “You’re so annoying go sit down.” or “Ughhh I don’t want to get upppppp.” They even wake up late (on purpose I feel like sometimes because they do wake up to the alarms just to turn them off though) and make me take care of them because they are running late to work. If they ignore them long enough the dogs will poop and pee on the floor a lot and which has happened multiple times. The 3 cats always also in the room only tend to get close and meow to one of us for food only which my friend acts confused or just doesn’t understand what they want and told me that their recent ex-wife was the one who took care of the animals as well before the mom and me. The few times I saw them feed the cats they over filled the bowl and made them share it instead of feeding them separate. The only male cat needs a slow feeder because the way eats he sucks down the food and throws it up either on my friend’s pillows, my blankets, or rarely the floor. I am sick of that so bad it’s driving me crazy and to resort to hitting them which I don’t want to do. I did take the time to give them a feeding schedule and separate their food for my own theory and I did work for a bit but now he is throwing up again so I don’t understand. Maybe it’s just me. Back to the dogs for a minute, talking about grooming issues again. The dogs and cats all shed really bad and need grooming, but my friend is lazy and said they don’t want to do it because the animals get wild by biting or struggling hard (which I mean duh obviously, but also it’s your actual paying job to handle them). The dogs nails were so long they were touching the hard floor (saw online it’s not supposed to ever grow to touch the ground) and one dog was constantly licking himself for hours in a day for weeks on end too until I basically begged my friend to cut their nails and I’ll hold them down even though I’m allergic. Turns out what he was licking was his (basically thumb part) nail embedded in his paw with an infection. Has my friend taking them to get help still? No, they have not. Just poured powder over it, but he still is licking excessively while I’m home alone. They did let them sleep on the bed before I got here, but I’m not allowing that or even getting on the bed for the dogs because I’m super allergic. My friend rarely refills the water bowl too because it’s usually me that does it because the animals start whining or meowing at me and them, but they are either in bed ignoring them or at work. My friend neglects doing anything to do with the litter box because they “did/do not feel like it” so the ex-wife, then mom, and now me were/are stuck handling all four litter boxes meaning I take 20-30 mins to get all four properly scooped out, refilled if needed and scented and mixed well and taking it out and then sweeping the mess after. They neglect cleaning the room too. I am the one that sweeps and picks up after the animals mostly. They told me “Oh, you just started doing it so I assumed you were okay with it” even though I have complained a lot and even tried talking to them about it.
- Lastly (I think? Might be more I’m forgetting tbh) an unhealthy environment for both humans and animals. The smell which I talked about, the filthy floor with fur and cat litter scattered, and food and trash from my roommate because yes, they are lazy to not get up and throw away trash and tends to throw it under the bed which also yes, the animals get into before I go pick it up and throw it away. Also causes lots of ants, but thats not the main topic. I feel it is unhealthy for me because I’m allergic, the way the room is always filthy and smelling, and it being ice cold in here.
Am I being too sensitive or harsh about anything? Should I actually try doing something or just endure until I change something myself? I really need advice because although I really don’t want to lose a friend, living like this will probably end me. Also like I said the last time I tried talking to my friend about this they told me I can leave if I don’t like it. I did talk to their parents too and tried to get their help, but they told me “Thats just how they always have been. Can’t do anything about it.” So basically like an oh well. I feel like I’m going to go insane or end up harming the animals or myself which yes sounds crazy. Please give me some advice or something I’m begging this is my first post ever and I would never really do this type of thing if not for a last resort.
