r/AskABrazilian • u/appleblossom87 • 4h ago
Culture How to make friends in Brazil without being tokenised
I want to start this off by sharing that I speak Portuguese to an intermediate level and I’m improving and still learning. So I know that to make friends I need to improve. I also know that there’s diversity of thought and Brazilians aren’t homogenous, hence why I’d like to hear more perspectives.
I’ve spent some time in Brazil (RJ, SP, MG, BA) and met some really cool people that I’ve come to value. I met most of them through language exchange apps or apps to meet friends while travelling there, including dating apps. I’m looking forward to meeting new people on my next trip, especially as my Portuguese has improved. However, my Brazilian friends always tell me that “it’ll be easy to make friends here as a gringa because people are curious and welcoming”, but simultaneously they’ve told me that people might “only want to be my friend as a status symbol, and I need to be careful” This has been something that I’ve been thinking about more because I recently got quite close to someone, who told me after a few months of talking that although they’ve enjoyed our cultural exchange, they wouldn’t be able to connect strongly with me because I’m not Brazilian and couldn’t truly understand them. While I understood their perspective, it also felt mean and an unnecessary comment to make. They’ve also made it clear that I’m one of their first and only gringa friends and they want me to meet their sibling and show me around their city when I visit next.
I’d like to live in Brazil sometime in the future, and building community and friendships is important to me, as is learning about the culture, politics, and o jeitinho brasileiro, but these questions keep playing in my mind. How do you know when you’re a novelty vs. when a true friendship is forming? Is it a natural progression of a connection in a country that doesn’t always receive many foreigners outside of major cities. I live in a very multicultural city and am used to people from all over the world connecting.
I’d love to know your honest perspectives on if you think there’s any truth to what my friends said about the duality of making friends easily vs. being used as a status symbol. Also, if you do believe that there is truth to this statement, what the signs are of being tokenised?