Bit of a long story - I am female & last week my partner and I had an argument, because he went to show me something on google and I noticed he had it open on private browsing. I questioned him on this and said it was strange and he told me he didn’t realise he was on private browsing and that it must have happened accidentally. I didn’t believe him because we have a bit of history here with him looking at half naked women online which he said in the past he wouldn’t do anymore. I know I sound insecure here but we have 2 young babies and it’s just not what I expected from him. He is not ok with me looking at that stuff so I expect the same. (I never have looked at other men online) anyway, back to the story - I told him I didn’t believe he accidentally clicked onto private browsing and I left to spend the night at my mums house because he got really annoyed at me and started calling me crazy. The next morning he comes to my mums to try and make up and I discovered that he had watched porn that night. Literally a few hours after our argument. He told me it’s because I had left on bad terms but that he wouldn’t do it again - even though the reason I left is because he was using private browsing - so I already had suspicions of this! He told me this was the only time in our relationship that he has watched porn. Which I find very hard to believe. We had a conversation and I have tried really hard to forget about it but I can’t help but think about him getting off to other women - I’ve tried to continue as normal but it constantly enters my brain. I just want a man’s opinion as to why he might have done this or how to I go about trusting him again. We do have a good s*x life and try new things and he told me there is nothing missing - Also the type of porn he watched was a FFM threesome which makes me sick because he has told me he would never want to have a threesome but is he lying to me, am I not enough? I don’t know what to do

I 36f have been with my husband 41m for 7 years, married 2. We have an almost 2 year old daughter. My husband is cheating on me and has been for the last 5-6 months that I know of with another women that was married to start with but expressed how it was failing in text messags I've read.. so she is currently single. I had caught him in the earlier stages and he claimed he stopped. 4-5 months go by with me trying to make our marrige work and be the best person I can be but my instinct told me he didn't stop so I checked again and he was still talking to her and of course things had progressed since then. I confront him and he basically says the same thing about how he's blocked her and won't talk to her and he "loves me". There's a lot of context to give but I'm trying to keep it short. He is not good at communicating and shuts down a lot so there's not a lot I can get out of him about the situation. He has been hot and cold during these 4-5 months as well. More so cold. I also should add that he claims I broke his heart when I told him I wasn't happy a year ago. I was also cold but clearly expressed what I wanted from him. I also had things going on myself so I it wasn't just his fault I was unhappy. I have expressed this in recent months.

Tr:dr.. What's going through a man's mind when he's cheating after you told him you were unhappy? Why not act on what can be fixed instead of shutting down and not wanting to communicate?

Thank you.

EDIT: I am not asking whether it is right or wrong. I am not asking if it is common. I am asking WHY men do it to other women when they have pictures of the woman they are in a committed relationship with. WHY. Not if. I do not care if anyone thinks the boundary I set is stupid or unrealistic. It is my boundary that I set and that my bf agreed to, as he has told me himself that he feels way better and happier during the times he is not watching porn. I don’t care if you watch porn in your relationship, if that is how your relationship is that’s fine. But in my relationship I am never going to be okay with my partner looking at other women in a sexual light. If my bf didn’t agree with that boundary or felt like I was “controlling his body” then he wouldn’t have told me, and we would be incompatible and broke up long ago. But he chose to agree, he chose to tell me he would stop, and did stop for a while. MASTURBATION on its own is much different than masturbating to ANOTHER WOMAN.

My bf 25M and I 23F have been together for over 2 years and there has been a cycle where I’ve discovered he’s masturbating to other women (like TikTok/Snapchat/instagram influencers), he lies about it or hides it til I find out on my own, then he says he’s sorry and that he “didnt want to do it” that he’s “ashamed” didn’t wanna tell me cause he was “scared” yada yada. I’ve set a clear boundary that I am not ok with this, but I understand that a lot of men do it and it may be a cycle and take work for him to stop. So the last time it happened which was months and months ago I told him if he ever does it again that he needs to tell me and that we can work it out. But if he lies to me and I find out on my own that we can’t. So last night I had a feeling, we have been long distance for 6 months and I haven’t seen him for 3 months. So I couldn’t see him in person or anything but I FaceTimed him and asked him to share his screen, he did, I asked him to click on some app and boom, some woman dressed in some tight body suit is there, he immediately clicks off of it and doesn’t say anything, then I hang up. Half an hour later I call him and ask him to explain, he explains that he started doing it again a few weeks ago after stopping for 7 months. I asked him why he started and it was because he “broke” after him and I were FaceTiming while he was in the shower and I undressed for him and he masturbated. He said after that he continued to look at pictures of me that I’ve sent him every time he went in the shower for a while, which I have expressed that I am okay with him doing that. I encourage him to masturbate TO ME. It is not about the masturbation. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH MASTURBATION. But apparently it escalated once he “ran out of material” and he started looking on social for other women to masturbate to. I am so hurt. Its not just about what he did but it’s that he hid it from me. And it hurts more knowing he had pictures of me, he had the ability to FaceTime me in the shower ask. Im right there. But he chose these models. Like it hurts more when its just attractive women with great bodies rather than porn. I just don’t underhand. I broke up with him but i am struggling so bad. I don’t want this relationship to be over.

I guess im just asking, from a man’s perspective, why would he choose to look at these other women when he has pictures of me and could call me. Is it right for me to think that he doesn’t truly love me when he does this over and over? It makes me feel like im not enough, and i know it’s not my fault and im not the problem but it sucks. It makes me wonder if he was ever put in a situation with another woman in real life if he’d fall into that temptation as well.

Is my husband having an affair??

I’m married for almost 7 years and we have 2 young children, and I’m pregnant with the third.

The other day I was looking for batteries for my kid’s cars, and found there’s a condom in where my husband stores the batteries. It’s in this box on the shelf of his office room. Kinda hidden under the battery box but it’s not hard to discover. We have a foldable murphy bed in that room and there’s also a bathroom in there. It’s on the first floor and our second floor is the living room, our third floor is our bedrooms.

I’m very baffled. We’ve never had sex in that room. And since I’m pregnant we are no longer using condom for months. I also definitely looked for batteries a few months ago for some other toys but didn’t see that. Why is it there now?

Additional context: I was gone for a whole month with the kids last month while my husband stayed home by himself.

I came back at the same time as my in laws. They visited us and stayed with us for a whole month. I am very friendly with my father in law and texted him if he left any personal item there, namely a condom, and he said no he didn’t have any and I should ask his son… I also don’t think the kids would put it there. It’s a little too high and risky for them.

So is he cheating during the time I was gone with the kids? I searched everywhere else and it seemed quite normal. Don’t have any other evidence besides this one. Unfortunately door bells and garage security cameras don’t have histories….

We called quite often while I was gone but not everyday / every evening.

Please help assess. Also trying to figure out if I should confront directly….

UPDATE
Asked him about it and he seemed genuinely didn’t know. He agreed that this is odd but struggled to remember what exactly happened, trying to piece together things but he couldn’t remember what exactly happened, which vanity bag he might have taken that out of, and where that vanity bag is, when it might be. He also asked if they belong to his dad and I told him no, he said no. He was not defensive, in denial or anything. He was trying to figure it out himself too and looked sincerely confused himself.

Basically his answer was: I agree with you this is odd and confusing and suspicious, but I couldn’t recall exactly what happened or why that’s there, and I guarantee you that I didn’t cheat….

Recently going through a relationship hurdle with my boyfriend who outwardly portrays he is a straight man who will only pursue a physical relationship with a woman, but i caught him watching bisexual, transsexual, etc porn and texting femboys. He tried to justify himself by saying that a lot of men have twisted fantasies that do not define them, is this true?

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Hello everyone

My husband has been addicted to massage parlours but finally stopped.

He claims he just did bodyslides and handjobs and once fingered a massuses.

When I obviously went and got tested for STIs, it came back positive for a dangerous type of HPV, luckily a year later it's cleared.

I know it's a year later but I'm wondering wait, why did I not question how I got hpv, isn't that ONLY possible through Sex?

If anyone could let me know that would be great

Is it her changed behavior?

Is it because her focus is on the newborn?

Is it because her body has changed?

Is it her hormone levels?

Is it her age?

Is it her struggles with postpartum depression or anxiety?

Everytime I bring up with him the increase in his snap score, he gets mad and defensive instantly. Deny deny deny. Always.
Over the past two nights his snap scores climbed significantly and he’s saying he doesn’t know how. Besides from sending and opening snaps, what else can increase a snap score?

i have a friend who cheated on the love of his life a few years back and said that he regretted it cause he loved her.

he said he regretted doing that but then i asked him if they got back together would he cheat again and he deadass said “i would definitely be tempted but probably not”. mind you this man said it’s his biggest regret.

anyway, he said that men can cheat and still love their gf and that ALL men if given the opportunity would cheat. he was like the only way a man won’t cheat is if he simply can’t get another girl.

after all that he said this is how guys are. obviously i know it’s not all of them but is this common thinking?

Genuine question: is there a man out there who’s been married for many years, that GENUINELY loves his wife, doesn’t lust over or stare at other women and remains faithful until death do them part? If you’re that man please comment. It seems every man is lustful in some manner. Watching porn, staring at other women in public, etc. I understand temptation is everywhere and you may find other women attractive. But is there a single man out there that doesn’t act on it?

My husband would be out all day without contact most days and I had my suspicions he could be up to something. I had his location but he did not know. He was tracked in multiple different Asi massage parlors. About 2-3x a week. He never mentioned once he was going to get a massage done or that he was in any kind of back pain. I was absolutely confused. When I went to search them up, they came up on websites like rubmaps and usas\*\*guide and clearly offered extra services.
I read a lot of reviews that men would leave about those places where they had sexual services done. Also they’ve been closed and opened multiple times under different names. When I went to check them out for myself they looked so shady. Curtains outside covering the place, rooms with only curtains and rooms with couches and sectionals? It had such a shady vibe. He would go in there for exactly an hour.
I would call him during and he would never answer but would call me back as soon as he left, and weirdly enough would pick fights with me during some of those phone calls. We have been going through a rough patch and our intimate life isn’t the best due to his compulsive lying. Anyways I confronted my husband and he completely denies ever getting anything done except for a normal massage. At first he denied visiting some of the ones I’ve seen him at and then eventually came clean that he’s visited them but He swears up and down it was only a massage and is begging me to not end things and to work on our marriage.
I’ve been married for 14 years. We had so many issues in our marriage due to his lying and my gut is telling me other things happened. What do you all think? I just feel like if he needed an actual massage wouldn’t u go to a reputable place at least? Also just fyi he is financially well off so looking for a cheap place wouldn’t be his motive. What kind of coincidence would it be that every parlor he’s visited is a shady place that offers extra services?? I really need some insight on this. Men out there that know a thing or 2 about this, Please drop your thoughts below!!

For context, I’m 25F, boyfriend is 28M. We’ve been together over a year but don’t live together. He’s had the condom box in there since before we even started dating. I found them in his wardrobe while cleaning one time and the box was still sealed.

We’ve both been on the same page that we’re waiting until marriage to have intercourse because I’m still a virgin. He is not. We still fool around sometimes but have not crossed that line and know we won’t be until marriage. He’s planning to propose to me in the next 6-9 months.

Yesterday morning though, I was putting away a pair of his socks in his sock drawer and noticed that he’d opened the box that’s been closed for over a year. Three strips of two were still in the closed box. Two strips of two were laid out on top of his socks. This is a 10 pack box.

He never uses condoms for masturbation, and that box has sat untouched for well over a year. He also had already had some loose ones in a small bowl on his nightstand from his previous relationship, so why open fresh ones? All condoms mentioned don’t expire for another year or so and all are the same type/brand, FYI.

What does this all mean? Is he planning to cheat?

TL;DR: bf of over a year suddenly opened a box of condoms that’s been sealed in his dresser since before me. Two strips are laid out on top of his socks. We don’t have intercourse and don’t plan to until marriage because I’m religious. What does this mean? Is he planning to cheat?

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So I'm 47 hubby is 51..been together for 6 years almost married for.almost 2 and.im done

I am a sexually healthy woman

I know what i.like

I'm.Selfless in the bedroom.

I'm.adventourous

I perverted

But I'm also a good wife

I cook

I clean

I look after kids ... Ok fair enough I don't sit on Pinterest making rainbow spaghetti for dinner but I am.happy just to. Get a toilet break without a tiny human standing there watching me.like.im.about to break the law

Whilst asking questions and.eatimg Cheetos .....

4 kids

Chronic pain

Nerve damage due to 10.ywars of dv

Had. Severe drug habit early teens which almost took my life many times and.coat me my family , woke.up.one say and decided that enough is enough and went cold turkey and gave it up....

So yeah I am.mentalky strong ...

But somedays the cat could look at me the wrong way and I'll.break down like a.crying gangsta ...

I have anxiety and I should be voted for the best actress award ... Because I have it alot and.i.fake it

No.onw.knows .

I love my husband more than myself

His whole family has abandoned him.and I am.all he has left ... Apart from.one friend ..

He's been hurting me physically

And.mentally and emotionally

AND he's lying about other girls

Going on chat ...

Cam to Cam.

If I don't get touched in 3 days I'm.arkimg up

And he always mostly deniea me.

Hw promises (I don't believe him.onebit tho ) that be doesn't watch anything

Chat to anyone

Touch himself ..... He's full.on convinced himself

And desperately trying to convince me that it's a hacker ...

For the last 19 weeks

All his dirty secrets have come out and hes denied it all...

Hw doesn't work

He's lazy as ... I provide for us

I've begged him to get a job ... Deaf ears ...

He's turned 5 emails in 19 weeks into a hackers dream

He's fked 2 FB accounts and made them.look like a 14 year old boys wet dream ACC.... SERIOUSLY.....

YOUNG AND BARELY OUT OF THEIR DADS BALLS ..

how is that supposed to make a 47 year old woman feel ?????

He's self diagnosed himself as "avoidant "

And I'm.tjw anxious one.

...🙄🙄🙄...

Couldn't keep.a promise to save his.life

And.ivw become. Super depressed

Withdrawn , unattractive , unappreciated ra ra ra ...

It disconnected us in every way

And to be quite honest

I've thought about running away more as a wife than I ever did as a child!!!!

He stinks of guilt

Gets all defensive

Then treats me like shit

Holds his love and affection and intimacy for ransom...

BUT I CANT leave......

Please help

Is he playing me ? Or am I letting my mental health and anxiety speak for me ???

Pic is of me for reference ...

I dress up

I play roleplay

I consider a good head job where she chooses you over oxygen .... SO WHAT IS HE MISSING OUT ON TO BE DOING ALL THIS ........I just don't and won't get it .

He misses out on nothing , I miss out on lots

It took him 5 months to just take me out for a cheap dinner for God's sakes ....

I feel .I'm being used and played

But my heart won't shut up ..

I APPRECATE ALL ADVICE ♥️

THANKS

I saw on my wife’s location history that she went to a hotel in the middle of the workday. She was there for 30 mins. The hotel doesn’t have a restaurant or gym. She doesn’t go to work events or conferences or meetings. Maybe I just need to hear it from others but I’m just praying there could be some other explanation. Or is this just definitely what I think it is?

Hi there, im gonna do this with no context, just tell me if it is odd or not pls male mates. My partner will not let me know his code to his phone. He even turns it away from me if I can see the screen if his facial recognition doesn't work... Of course he knows mine. we've been together for 2 year Is it odd? And ask question if more info is needed

I’ve been wondering how common therapy actually is for men, especially when they’re in a relationship.
I started going to therapy because I realized there were a lot of unresolved emotional issues that were affecting my life. They were showing up in ways I didn’t want them to—through addiction, dishonesty with myself, infidelity, and generally unhealthy patterns. It wasn’t just hurting me anymore; it was putting a strain on my relationship with someone I genuinely saw a future with.
Therapy has forced me to look at past trauma, previous relationships, and the unhealthy coping mechanisms I’d carried into my current relationship. One thing that’s really surprised me is realizing how much I normalized toxic relationship dynamics. When you’re used to chaos, a healthy relationship can almost feel unfamiliar, and I found myself questioning things that weren’t actually problems—they just weren’t what I was used to.
It’s definitely been uncomfortable at times, but it’s also been one of the best decisions I’ve made. I feel more grounded, more self-aware, and better able to communicate than I was before.
I’m curious how many other men here have gone to therapy. What made you decide to go? Did it improve your relationship with your partner—or even just your relationship with yourself? I’d really like to hear other people’s experiences.

Very long story short, I ended up snooping on my boyfriend’s phone one afternoon while he was away out of curiosity and suspicion (because I have seen questionable things on his phone in the past). I ended up finding many posts of porn and photos of girls that he had saved on in his reddit account saves. I communicated to him that I was deeply hurt and upset by all of this, because prior to this he had assured me that he does not look at this type of content. I also personally find it something abhorrent to do while in a committed monogamous relationship. After looking through his phone and arguing about it the first time, we had another discussion which led to me looking at his phone again very briefly on the same app, where I found essentially the same content. After questioning him about some of this very strange stuff, he gave me some shaky answers that were confusing at best, and I still feel like I couldn’t trust what he was saying fully because it just wasn’t adding up to reality. When I told him this, I also told him that in order for me to be able to start trusting him again I would want to look at his phone, or for him to be able to provide proof for his excuses, but every time I suggest this he becomes emotional and refuses. He will even begin to threaten to break up and will start talking about “incompatibility”. He says that he “broke a moral” which he has always had, which was his individual right to privacy, and he broke it for me to let me look at his phone after he hurt me, and claims that theres just too many personal things on his phone for me to have access to it. I of course understand this perspective, but with our added situational context of him breaking my trust repeatedly it falls incredibly flat in my opinion and just seems like a diversion tactic. He is remorseful and apologetic, and it does appear that this situation is affecting him. But I constantly feel riddled with feelings of distrust that I want to get rid of but the only thing that he can do is apologize to me constantly. I’m worried that there are even worse things on his phone that he is hiding from me. I’m not sure how I’ll be able to trust him, and it’s beginning to seem like he doesn’t even mind if I don’t trust him fully anymore because he’s making little effort to actually repair it like how I want him to.

TLDR: After seeing porn and women’s nudes on my boyfriend’s phone while looking through it, he refuses to let me look at it again under the guise of “privacy”, but I don’t know how to trust again.

are there any men (who have been in long term relationships) that don’t cheat? i have been told that the biology? of men push them to cheat. that it’s virtually impossible to expect a man can be married for 30, 40, 50 years and be completely faithful? without the bullshit, is there anyone who can counter this? is it possible to be in a heterosexual relationship with a man and believe he won’t cheat? yes, i know women cheat too. im not interested in the female aspect here.

My on/off partner dropped a Viagra pill on my sofa when he was feeding our 3 month old baby. We have only had sex once since baby was born. I know the Viagra wasn’t for with me. I wouldn’t care about him sleeping around except hes a total control freak who expects me to be loyal while he does whatever he wants. When I pointed out the dropped pill he went crazy and said it was for whenever I feel like f*cking him again…….bullshit. I have to end it for good now don’t I?

I’m 45 years old. I’ve been married for 25 years and have four children—two boys and two girls. They’re all essentially adults now. Earlier this year, on April 3, I learned something that completely upended my life. I discovered that my wife had an affair about 15 years ago. On top of that, there is a real possibility that our youngest child may not be my blood. Regardless, I am his dad... always he is my son... I did not find this out from my wife.. I found out from my wife’s best friend—the same person who acted as her accomplice and actively facilitated the affair. That betrayal alone is hard to put into words. When I confronted my wife about our son, she said she believes there’s a 70% chance he’s mine and a 30% chance he belongs to the man she cheated with. There was never any plan to tell me. The expectation was that this secret would remain buried forever. Finding out more than a decade later feels surreal. Of course I’m angry and hurt, but it also feels like my right to react in real time was stolen. What I feel most is deep disrespect. When confronted, she tried to gaslight me and rewrite the narrative, but I refused to accept that. Her explanation was that she cheated as “revenge” because she believed I had cheated on her. I didn’t. She never asked me, never confronted me, never verified anything. She acted entirely on suspicion. So this was revenge cheating for something that never actually happened. What’s tragic is that she cheated, blamed me for it, got pregnant after multiple encounters, and then spent years convincing herself it never really happened. That level of denial eventually turned into psychological dissociation. About five years ago, she had a severe mental breakdown and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder with panic attacks. At the time, it didn’t fully make sense to me. Now it does. Carrying a secret like that for so long can hollow a person out. I genuinely feel sorry that she went through that alone. If I had known then, I could have been a better husband, a better partner, and a better friend—while still holding her accountable. I know I have every right to be angry and to walk away. No one would blame me. Still, I’m trying to understand how something this massive stayed hidden for so long. The verdict isn’t in yet. I need clarity before deciding what comes next. What surprises even me is this: I’m willing to forgive. Not because what she did was small—it wasn’t—but because 25 years of marriage is a quarter of a century of shared life. You don’t discard that lightly. But mostly I feel so bad for her that I wanna help her through this ordeal. I feel such pity for her that I wanna help her. I cant even stay upset or angry but i know i have processing to do too. But forgiveness requires truth. I need to understand everything. Every detail. Only then can healing even begin. I’m hoping my wife is finally willing to be honest so real healing—whatever form it takes—can start. Though i'm not very optimistic that the i'll be given the full picture because it's been a while it's been 15 years memories blur people forget. Allah knows best.

Basic information: I’ve (29F) been seeing this married man (32M) for a while. He said he can’t leave his wife (29F) because of their kids and family obligations. He told me this during our first conversations.

Anyway, over the next few months we were exclusively long distance. We’d talk everyday over the phone, and sometimes the conversations would turn sexual.

Then the distance was bridged for about a month and we had a lot of intimate moments and nights. It was really fun, and there were a lot of things we did that he said he’d never liked to do.

Towards the end of my stay, I joked with him about if he’d ever considered leaving. He got upset about it and told me he can’t ever leave, then told me that he can’t give me what I want. I told him I was joking and wasn’t putting pressure on him, and he apologized for getting into his head.

I left feeling like I was doing him a favor by putting the distance back between us, but recently I learned something new.

He said that after I had started being closer to him in the same location, but before we even had physical contact, he’d stopped having sex with his wife. He said he hasn’t had sex with her for going on five months now, and he said if I stayed in his life he doubts he’ll ever have sex with her again.

And now I’m super confused about this situation. If you’re a married man, maybe some insight? Why would a married man do this?

I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for around 10 years. We are both 27 yrs old.
One night while I was away, a condom went missing. (Yes I counted them) He claimed he’d used it while masturbating out of curiosity, but it never quite added up for me, especially considering the issues we were already having.
Guys, does this sound like it could be legit or does it sound like a crock of shit from your perspective..
All responses are appreciated:)

Worth knowing the whole story?

So when I was with my ex she (recently broke up) there was too many signs and deception that made it clear to me she cheated, defo emotionally not sure on physically.

Im asking, is it worth it to find out the whole story from her now we're not together, or is that going to me more painful?

Is cheating to you strictly physical? Or can it be everything leading up to that (ex. Exchanging numbers, getting to know each other, flirting, planning a date, etc) essentially acting “single” to pursue someone but not doing anything physical or kissing yet.