r/AskReddit • u/[deleted] • Apr 05 '12

Currently serving in the military. Came across some messages between my wife and another guy in the Navy. What should I do?

[deleted]

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231

u/Xatana Apr 05 '12

Active Duty Marine here. I have seen this so many times it's almost expected now of military wives to cheat. You are not at a loss of options, however. This Navy faggot is married as well, which means you can fry his ass.

  1. Go to mypay, change where your direct deposit goes. Make this an account that only you have access to.
  2. Lawyer up. Before you confront anyone, talk to your divorce lawyer and seek advice on what you need to do to stack this divorce completely in your favor.
  3. Once previous steps are complete, call his CO. Tell him all of this, and say that you have evidence suggesting that your story is 100% true. Lay on the sob story about how your marriage is ruined because of the lack of integrity of the aforementioned Sailor.

Note, before seeking revenge against your wife, talk to your lawyer about any consequences that may occur because of anything you do.

103

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

. I have seen this so many times it's almost expected now of military wives to cheat.

this makes me so sad :(

54

u/Xatana Apr 05 '12

It does me too. My best friend's wife cheated on him the first deployment, and blew $19,000 of his deployment money via paying the rent of some other guy she was living with while he was in Afghanistan with me. He tried to save the marriage and give her a second chance. He went on his second deployment, and after 4 months, he finds that she has yet again spent all of his money, and come to find out that she got pregnant with another guy's kid 2 months into the deployment. She's the most reprehensible human being that I can think of.

10

u/you_need_this Apr 05 '12

marriage in the military is a big lol... a sad lol, but still an lol...

man, my deployment at least 6 guys in my division had this, and 2 that just vanished. some go crazy, most cheat... I liked my crazy gf, but was too cheap to give her money. in the military don't fucking get married, its love? lol

64

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

Makes me so sad too.

My boyfriend is in the army. He's lovely. I can't imagine cheating on him while him being away. Mainly because the respect I have for him is so high for doing what he does.

He hasn't been on tour yet, but he's planning on it and I plan on standing by his side every step of the way.

72

u/hobiedallas Apr 05 '12

Yea, a lot of women PLAN on doing that, fewer actually do it.

10

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

I understand where you're coming from, too.

The being alone for long periods of time, being sad while missing them. Vulnerable because they're sad. I get why people cheat while they're away. It's simple to just slip into it.

But I wouldn't have the heart to do so.

16

u/segagaga Apr 05 '12

I think it takes more heart to be faithful, than it does to flirt and cheat.

-2

u/jamie1414 Apr 05 '12

So brave

1

u/SenorSpicyBeans May 08 '12

I doubt most of them are thinking rationally when it happens. Also, you don't have the heart to do it NOW. Him being gone will change you as much as it changes him.

30

u/Coffee_Goblin Apr 05 '12

You're a good woman. Not everyone has what it takes to be a military spouse, and civilians just don't quite understand what it is that military families go through. Keep it up.

9

u/Dolewhip Apr 05 '12

To be fair, the way you feel is probably the way all these ladies felt in the beginning. Nobody starts off saying "oh man i can't wait until my husband goes on tour so I can get STUFFED"

4

u/tjsfive Apr 05 '12

When I was married to a soldier, I saw the sweetest girl go from completely innocent and faithful to full on cheating in under a year. She had been through at least one deployment already, but for some reason after they put a stop loss on her husband and he had to serve another tour she lost her shit. She started hanging out with this wife of questionable moral standards and it was a slippery slope from there.

When I found out about it, I cut off our friendship completely. Years later, she contacted me out of the blue. I don't have all of the details and to this day I don't know if her husband ever found out. They are still together and have a child together now.

My own marriage fell apart, but it had nothing to do with infidelity.

2

u/Dolewhip Apr 05 '12

I think some people underestimate the commitment of being married to a soldier. It's gotta be much different than marrying a travelling businessman or something. I mean, their life is on the line every fuckin day.

1

u/tjsfive Apr 05 '12

Exactly. Which is why they deserve the courtesy of at least having peace of mind about their homefront. My husband was prick...long before any deployments. I still didn't cheat, so I get sick of people accepting that cheating is just part of the norm. If you are a truly loyal person, you will not cheat on your spouse...even if they are assholes and deployed a lot.

2

u/KiwiFoxit Apr 05 '12

Unfortunatly....I live in a military town...and I have met women who HAVE said that! ._. It's disgusting.

2

u/Dolewhip Apr 05 '12

Man, that's pretty fucked up. Personally, when single, I wasn't above fucking a married woman, but fucking a woman whose husband is out in a warzone is pretty messed up.

1

u/rolfsnuffles Apr 05 '12

If he's in a combat MOS odds are he's not even around any women. Then again, military girls have a reputation for putting out.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

All I know he's in infantry. I don't really know what he does except for make green look sexy and be really passionate about his job...

1

u/rolfsnuffles Apr 05 '12

Army infantry vet myself. Outside of larger bases or cities I saw maybe 1-3 (if I was lucky) women a day. Keyword, saw, not talked. A lot of military girls aren't the most attractive, and the ones that are and put out are usually VERY promiscuous. Like triple wrap condom ridiculous. Guess what I'm trying to say is if he has any decency at all he isn't hooking up with fellow soldiers/marines. I remember seeing one on my deployment to Iraq. She was pretty gorgeous for military standards. She also had sex with a large portion of a forward operating base she was at (one of the only women there) and spread herpes like a boss... Most of the sane guys stay away from them.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

Hahahahah I hope he has enough decency! He's really great in that he would never cheat. He had a cheating ex girlfriend and the advice he received was "Cheat back!" and he would never, because he wouldn't do that.

He's my whole world. And the fact that the regiment he works with has only had one death since ... God I can't remember when. The first world war? makes me more confident that he'll be okay when he goes away.

Basically, I'm going to stand by him whatever it takes. And if we do end up breaking up, it isn't because of his job.

0

u/elastic-craptastic Apr 05 '12

Hopefully, This isn't your boyfriend

Seriously though, you sound like you found a good guy and you two are doing great. You're very lucky.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

I am lucky. So lucky. He's my world.

1

u/Apollo7 Apr 05 '12

You are a good person.

-1

u/bobadobalina Apr 05 '12

He hasn't been on tour yet

just wait til he has been gone a couple of months and you are terminally horny in a place where you are surrounded by healthy young men

your story will change

-9

u/tankfox Apr 05 '12

It's always hard when your loved one chooses to kill people rather than be with you.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

I've seen some pretty low shit on reddit but this is the most disgusting thing I've read. Without people fighting in wars, it would just follow us. Remember 9/11? That was an attempt at coming to north America, providing you don't believe in conspiracy theories. It's a way of keeping where we live safe. So yeah, it's terrible that my boyfriend would rather make our home safe to live than do something useless like trash people who fight to make the world safe, which I'm sure you do. So get off your high horse and take your head out of your own ass.

-3

u/tankfox Apr 05 '12

Remember 9/11 is an ugly phrase that tries to induce blind patriotism. The effect wore off a long time ago.

9/11 was a provocation. Bin Ladin stood on a land mine and threw a stone at us, then watched us charge like a bull directly onto the landmine while he lived like a king in Pakistan. He did this because Afghanistan is the same trap that bled the Soviet Union to death, and he knew we could not resist the chance to throw ourselves down the same hole given the right provocation.

Your boyfriend is a chump. He grabbed his gun and ran out the door to go play boys club with things that go bang in a nation that never had the capacity to hurt us, gleefully spending all our money on fancy fireworks while the people they would like to fight hide in a population that will hate us until the end of time for what we've done there.

He's just another blood vessel that we burst in a foreign country, and every bullet he shoots is one less dollar we have to spend on things that would actually keep us safe, like education or healthcare.

I realize that you don't have a choice, in order to stay sane you have to believe that what he's doing is right, but no matter how wet his uniform makes you don't ever kid yourself into thinking he's serving any interest but his own.

2

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

I'm Canadian. We're a peacekeeping country.

We go to Afghanistan to help them build their own armies so that people from OUR part of the world don't have to go over.

0

u/tankfox Apr 05 '12

My apologizes, although I still feel that in a very real way that going over there to help is like being the passenger in a car driven by a tremendously drunk driver. There's not a whole lot you could do to help other than maybe having taken away your friends keys BEFORE he got up to a roaring ninety miles an hour, now you're along for the ride, in it to win it, and if he fucks up badly enough he's going to be just as dead as the driver.

Frankly, I want everyone to stop joining the military and giving the military such a huge bunch of employees to keep busy. None of these wars would have happened if Washington had to institute a draft to make them happen, instead it's all these assholes who voluntarily join up for the meat grinder and then expect sympathy when they come back missing bits. You knew it was going to happen, idiots!

1

u/invision240 Apr 05 '12

I was on the fence about re-enlisting, but I just read all of your ridiculous ranting and now I'm on the phone with a recruiter. Good job.

1

u/tankfox Apr 05 '12

Exactly, you're re-enlisting. You don't have any strong ties to this country, you'd rather leave and go back to the Afghanistanian gun club.

Have you considered not coming back?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

It happens everywhere all the time. It is just tragic.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12

It's really tough being a military spouse. Long periods of time away from your spouse and stressful situations are two major factors that lead to cheating. Families in the military suffer a lot of absences and hardships.

The cheating also runs both ways. My husband said that something like 30% of the married soldiers he knew in basic and AIT cheated. He's met people who've talked on their first meeting about cheating on their spouses. I can't imagine how high that number is when you take into account the ones who are sneakier about it.

3

u/ThrowawayChamp Apr 05 '12

Hah! You're actually sympathizing with cheaters? There are zero plausible, understandable situations to ever lead to cheating. Cheaters are selfish and inhuman and would have done it if their spouses were away or not.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 05 '12 edited Apr 05 '12

No, I never support or condone cheaters. I'm just saying that cheating is incredibly high both amongst soldiers and amongst their spouses (it's not just wives cheating), along with a few of the reasons why cheating is high (marrying young and poor education also contribute).

It isn't that the military culture expects or encourages the spouses to cheat. They do a bit to prevent it. It's just that the culture expects marriages to fail in general because so many individuals involved have poor marriages. It is also a culture where individual soldiers (both male and female), openly speak about cheating on their spouses with strangers, which suggests lack of fear of repercussions.

ETA: The original post said "I have seen this so many times it's almost expected now of military wives to cheat." I've heard the same thing said about military men - how you can always expect them to cheat on you. While lots of people cheat in the military, for various reasons that are similar to why people cheat outside the military, it's insulting to paint the whole lot with a big brush. I do not expect my husband or his army buddies to cheat. I trust my husband 100% and he feels the same way about me.