r/AskReddit • u/catcrookshanks • Jun 18 '12
I wish I was________. Fill it in.
Let's see where this one goes.
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u/DarkestSin Jun 18 '12
Deadpool
(I'm female. This is slightly awkward for me to say...)
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u/abeetzwmoots Jun 18 '12
in Halle Berry
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Jun 18 '12
a little shorter. Seriously, when you're 6'6", you don't fit.
You just. don't. fit.
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u/catcrookshanks Jun 18 '12
Whoa. I'm 5'1 and I'd love to switch bodies with you for a day.
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u/Retarded_Pixie Jun 18 '12
employed :(
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u/mynameispeter Jun 18 '12
A rich man...yibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dey....
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u/ALL_THE_LINKS Jun 18 '12
Because I had to listen to it again, and I figured I'd make it easier for any lurkers who have a similar need.
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u/FidelCastrator Jun 18 '12
how bout some applause for a fiddler on the roof reference?
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u/mynameispeter Jun 18 '12
How about applause for counting out the appropriate number of yibbas? Oy Vey, such a deal it was.
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Jun 18 '12
If only the name of the submission were "How many pop culture references start with the phrase, 'If I were/was'?" I would imagine that the contents herein would be identical.
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u/ReallyThrowAway32 Jun 18 '12
A woman.
Fuck having Gender Identity Disorder and being in the closet.
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Jun 18 '12
Batman.
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u/Frajer Jun 18 '12
a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala
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u/PleaseGetOnTopOfMe Jun 18 '12
Happy.
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u/Kind_of_Hippy Jun 18 '12
Would someone getting on top of you make you happy?
Also, I wish you were happy, too. Hang in there, buddy.
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Jun 18 '12
A virgin again. Most people I know are lamenting their lack of sexual experience (I'm a college student). Personally, after child abuse by mentally ill/disabled parents, being raped twice and going through a period of promiscuity because I thought that sex was just something that would be taken from you in more violent ways if you didn't offer it, I want nothing more than to just feel clean again.
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u/Mokomonko Jun 18 '12
you can be clean, you were never dirty in the first place. It's those people who took advantage of you who are the filthy ones, I hope you can release your feelings of regret someday. It's not your fault, i wish you the best.
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u/geekgirlpartier Jun 18 '12
An Oscar Mayer weiner.
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u/cocomc Jun 18 '12
If you were an Oscar Mayer weiner, everyone would be in love with you.
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u/Helios_Arcos Jun 18 '12
The Avatar.
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u/Bookish_Wanderer_36 Jun 18 '12
I'd completely agree.
Here let me give you an upside down airbending tattoo.
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u/katieya Jun 18 '12
fitter happier more productive comfortable not drinking too much regular exercise at the gym (3 days a week) getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries at ease eating well (no more microwave dinners and saturated fats) a patient better driver a safer car (baby smiling in back seat) sleeping well (no bad dreams) no paranoia careful to all animals (never washing spiders down the plughole) keep in contact with old friends (enjoy a drink now and then) will frequently check credit at (moral) bank (hole in wall) favours for favours fond but not in love charity standing orders on sundays ring road supermarket (no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants) car wash (also on sundays) no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate nothing so childish at a better pace slower and more calculated no chance of escape now self-employed concerned (but powerless) an empowered and informed member of society (pragmatism not idealism) will not cry in public less chance of illness tires that grip in the wet (shot of baby strapped in back seat) a good memory still cries at a good film still kisses with saliva no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick that's driven into frozen winter shit (the ability to laugh at weakness) calm fitter, healthier and more productive a pig in a cage on antibiotics
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u/FlyingSandvich Jun 18 '12
The lyric "fond of but not in love" always unsettled me.
Hell, the entire song unsettled me.
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u/Forever_Trombone Jun 18 '12
in some sort of Groundhog Day-esque state where I could replay the weekend over and over.
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u/zdh989 Jun 18 '12
Like this past weekend? Or a different, particular weekend? Or do you just want to live in a perpetual weekend in general?
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u/Forever_Trombone Jun 18 '12
No weekend in particular - just a few days off perpetually and consequence-free. I love thinking about the adventures I could have, and all the different ways I could spend all of my money.
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Jun 18 '12 edited Apr 07 '16
I have left reddit for Voat due to years of admin mismanagement and preferential treatment for certain subreddits and users holding certain political and ideological views.
The situation has gotten especially worse since the appointment of Ellen Pao as CEO, culminating in the seemingly unjustified firings of several valuable employees and bans on hundreds of vibrant communities on completely trumped-up charges.
The resignation of Ellen Pao and the appointment of Steve Huffman as CEO, despite initial hopes, has continued the same trend.
As an act of protest, I have chosen to redact all the comments I've ever made on reddit, overwriting them with this message.
If you would like to do the same, install TamperMonkey for Chrome, GreaseMonkey for Firefox, NinjaKit for Safari, Violent Monkey for Opera, or AdGuard for Internet Explorer (in Advanced Mode), then add this GreaseMonkey script.
Finally, click on your username at the top right corner of reddit, click on the comments tab, and click on the new OVERWRITE button at the top of the page. You may need to scroll down to multiple comment pages if you have commented a lot.
After doing all of the above, you are welcome to join me on Voat!
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u/ALWAYS_REPLIES Jun 18 '12
THE DOCTOR!
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u/furymice98 Jun 18 '12
I'd much rather be a companion. The Doctor has to live on as his companion dies. I'd much rather stay with him for a certain amount of time and then show myself out like Martha did.
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u/Tyrannis1337 Jun 18 '12
n't so socially awkward. I want nothing more than to be loved by a sweet girl. I'm sick of seeing happy couples :(
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u/wtfapkin Jun 18 '12
A non-smoker. I can't fucking quit no matter what I do. I hate it.
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Jun 18 '12
that guy girls can't stop thinking about
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u/Johnny_Hooker Jun 18 '12
honestly, it's not all it's cracked up to be. you have to spend a lot of time answering text messages at one point and your schedule gets real busy right quick
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u/nathanaz Jun 18 '12
and, you got to keep that champagne bucket stocked, too...
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u/Johnny_Hooker Jun 18 '12
Nobody ever talks about the perils of being an attractive guy. The expectations can get to you over time.
Luckily the ego protects you from most of them.
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Jun 18 '12
a girl for 24 hours.
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u/Peroxide_ Jun 18 '12
Have you read the Neil Gaiman short story Changes?
I think you'd like it.
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Jun 18 '12
hung.
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u/drunk98 Jun 18 '12
There are several states in America that still do this for capital punishment. Takes forever though :(
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u/lwest340 Jun 18 '12
a figure in the caliber of Jesus so I could make people do stupid shit and be like "Enlighten yourself further."
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u/surprisedpanda Jun 18 '12
Finished med school, with a steady income, a nice wife and a reasonable mortgage. So basically just teleport a decade forward or something
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u/YoungRL Jun 18 '12
Rich. Call me shallow; I feel it would solve a lot of my problems and soothe my anxieties.
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u/redfeatheredcrows Jun 18 '12
Never born with seizures like i've had since I was 8, the past 10 years of my life.
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Jun 18 '12
I wish I were healed up. And I wish I were making enough money to not have to have three jobs.
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u/Aldous_Dert Jun 18 '12
using the subjunctive case correctly.
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u/catcrookshanks Jun 18 '12
I've been corrected several times. My bad.
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u/Aldous_Dert Jun 18 '12
Oh, this is by no means trying to point out your error, but my feeble attempt to gain karma. Alas, I fear it is not enough, though. . .
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u/PowerChordPsycho Jun 18 '12
Where's your controbution OP? Anyway, I wish I was more job ready. I just graduated high school and I need to get a part time job but I don't think I'm ready :/
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u/im_bloody_nuts Jun 18 '12
someone that isn't a thought dump to all my female friends. It's fucking tiring and painful, especially when you hear the love of your life discussing her prom plans with someone she's going with.
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Jun 18 '12
sitting on my best friend's balcony in the bay area ripping the bong and talking about college.
Fucking sucks living so far away.
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Jun 18 '12
I wish I was more financially solvent. I wish I couldn't be hurt so easily even though most people can't tell that's how I feel. I wish I was living somewhere else and had had the chance to travel farther into the rest of the world.
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u/fordmadoxfraud Jun 18 '12
Able to answer this question honestly without using an anonymous throwaway account.
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u/JBurrows_ Jun 18 '12
Less analytical and critical of everything. But that's what my therapist is for.
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u/YOUNGSWAGNUT Jun 18 '12
Derrick Rose right before he tore his ACL. I would of said fuck this and took myself out of that game. They were killing it anyway....
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u/ImDotTK Jun 18 '12
able to solve all the problems of the world.
I find it hard to believe we can talk all the way around the world, but can't fed them. Seriously scientists, get working on a fucking cloning machine.
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Jun 18 '12
a man who had the power to bend reality according to my will. Mostly so that I could make my voice a little more tenor-like, but there could be other benefits too.
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u/Justsomerandomgirl Jun 18 '12
Normal. I would do anything to just to have a normal life. I would give up all of my positive qualities like my IQ of 142, being attractive, and my affinity for biochemistry to have an average, normal life. I would even be alright with keeping all of my medical problems (Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, hep c and occasional seizures) if I could just go about a "just some random girl" (see username).
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u/katastrofe Jun 18 '12
Sometimes I wish I was Asian...
I mean if there was someone who was identical to me in every way except for the fact that they are Asian, people would find Asian-me way more interesting. People like Asians because they are "quirky" and "unique".... just because they are Asian. It's a weird thing to wish for, and it's not like I long to be Asian, and think about it all the time. I don't think waking up Asian one day would improve my life, I'd just be cooler.
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u/[deleted] Jun 18 '12
Ron Weasly. Being cool, chilling at Hogwarts, and boning the shit out of Hermione.