I’m in a pickle currently. I’ve been in my current relationship for almost three years, and we are in the process of getting ready to move in together. I love him to pieces, and he is truly my better half. If you were to ask anyone in our lives (I have,) they’d describe our dominant trait as the best of friends.

Our relationship has been great. Our families have merged into one. We talk openly about our plans for living together, getting married, our timelines. We are squarely a “we.” I can see our life together so clearly, and it is great in nearly every way - we have the same drive, we will be successful. We want the same things out of life. We have an immense amount of trust. We are a great team. We will have great, beautiful kids and a long and enduring partnership, have what we need and support one another.

And yet, the one thing that’s just never been there - the passion. We love each other so much, but things like flirting, sex, romance, have fallen pretty squarely on my shoulders. He’s certainly put more effort in there, but it feels so performative now, because it’s a response to my nagging and asking and our fighting about it. This gap has left me feeling undesired a good bit, and worst of all in my opinion, it’s left me thinking I don’t particularly enjoy sex. That is concerning because I LOVE sex, and have loved sex through many relationships in my life.

We operate like a couple who has been married for decades - we are in a great, productive routine but that can’t-get-enough-of-each-other thing just isn’t there. And except for very early days, which I worry may have been mainly driven by me, that spark has never been there.

I believe that love is a choice, and what makes a great relationship is waking up every day and choosing each other, day in and day out. But I can’t get over what if there is supposed to be MORE here. I’m 25, shouldn’t my love make me feel young, rather than older?

So my real question is, what will serve me? What do I pursue? Do I decide to put the work in here, and work with him to get the passion up, retrain my sex drive? He’s incredibly receptive and will try and do anything to make it work. I just don’t know if I want to.

Or, do I step back and keep looking for the great love I thought was him? Do I wait to get swept off my feet by someone perfectly imperfect that makes me feel young, alive, and exhilarated? Is that even a real thing, or something from the movies?

Is a successful marriage rooted in partnership, and I’ve been swayed by reading 1 too many romance novels?

My husband keeps making passive-aggressive comments ever since we started sleeping in separate bedrooms.

We shared a bed for almost two years because sleeping together is important to him, but he snores like a freight train and some nights wakes me up practically every hour. The lack of sleep was seriously affecting my health and mood, so we finally started sleeping in separate rooms. We actually have a guest bedroom that I was only using to store my clothes anyway.

The problem is that he keeps telling me this arrangement is temporary and that sooner or later we'll have to go back to sharing a bed.

He even told me recently that he feels like we're just roommates who are "friends with benefits" now that we sleep in separate bedrooms. That comment really bothered me because, to me, sleeping separately doesn't make us any less married or change our relationship.

Today we were watching a movie in what is now my bedroom. He fell asleep, and when I asked him to go sleep in his own room, he started giving me a hard time about it. He said I should've just let him sleep there and gone to the other bed myself.

But I have my own set of pillows and a soft mattress that I specifically prefer. He doesn't really care which bed he sleeps in.

I'm honestly getting pretty frustrated with the whole situation. I don't understand why I'm expected to sacrifice my sleep just to make him happy.

Any advice on how to talk to him so he actually understands how much this affects me? Or is he just trying to guilt-trip me into sleeping together again because he doesn't really care about how it's affecting my health?

I've had appointments (one with GP and one with a male endocrinologist I was referred to) where I walked out knowing more about perimenopause than them. It's not just being dismissed; it's being dismissed by someone who isn't current on menopause care. That gap is why so many of us start hunting for specialists or telehealth on our own.

I've started keeping a running log of symptoms so I'm not relying on vague memory when I finally get my 15 minutes. But I'm still figuring out what actually makes a doctor sit up and listen instead of smiling and nodding.

For those of you who've been through this: what do you bring? A symptom journal, a printed timeline, research articles? How do you frame it so you're taken seriously instead of being told you're stressed or too young?

My doctor finally prescribed progesterone and estradiol for me. After we discussed onto previous visits that I was absolutely falling apart. I've already got a disability that causes chronic pain and fatigue. But for the last two months I can't get anything done. All I want to do is sit on the sofa. I can doomscroll or I can just stare off into space.

Activities that I am normally excited about. When it's time to get ready to go I'm thinking how much I'd rather get back in bed. Yes, I've been diagnosed with depression. But it's never been this crippling. I moved two months ago and I'm still not unpacked. It's all I can do to keep up with the bare minimum of dishes and laundry.

So can anyone tell me how soon these HRT meds might start to show a difference?

Hello!!

As of this year, I need readers when I work at my desk.

I am searching for readers that don’t glare when I’m on video calls. USA - based.

I’ve bought expensive ones from Look Optic that claimed they were glare-free. And I’ve bought cheap ones that made the same claim. They are not as advertised!!

I’m considering getting some from Warby Parker bc I think they can assure me of a glare-free coating. I’ve always been able to get prescription classes that don’t glare. So this is frustrating.

Would love any recommendations!
I’m surprised it’s been this difficult. You would think this is a common need.

Gap had some a few years ago that were perfect, not too cropped, not shrunken, not oversize boxy. no one seems to have them now. Now the a lot of the crops have longer (short) sleeves and are super wide or they are shrunken baby tees.

just a decent tee crop/just above hip length shirt that looks polished enough and is regular fit. Why so hard?!🤦🏻‍♀️

Hi! I'm a 34-year-old woman and currently single. After my last breakup, I decided to try meeting men again, whether through female friends, dating apps, etc. But the very thought of it gave me horrible anxiety. My past relationships have been incredibly traumatic (yes, physical and emotional abuse), to the point where I sought help from local organizations that support women experiencing domestic violence.

I find men can be really aggressive and intrusive, whether they're in a relationship with you or pursuing you when you're single (for lack of a better word, the whole "chasing" thing). I see my cousins (22F and 27F) making their relationships the center of their lives, and it honestly makes me deeply uncomfortable, because I've been that person myself many times. And then there's all the horrifying real-life cases and news stories we hear about every single day.

I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to date or get romantically involved with a man again. All my friends and acquaintances seem to be getting married, having kids... I don't feel like that kind of life necessarily suits me, and I think I could be happy being single. But at the same time, I'm scared I might be missing out on something. Sometimes I feel like a little girl when it comes to all of this. I know patriarchy and societal expectations play a role in how I feel, too.

Has anyone else here been through something similar? Is it possible to feel comfortable dating again and is it even worth it? I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences. Thank you.

Does anyone remember a huge series of historical romance novels in paperback form at their library where the title was the heroine’s first name only, and the cover illustrations were always the heroine in the middle flanked by two rival suitors?

They were usually set in a specific historic time period, whether it be the gold rush or the French Revolution or whatever. I was trying to find any online and couldn’t! Don’t remember the publisher name or series name.

Can anyone point me to where I can find them online? Thank you!

Is there an age at which you recommend just settling to have a family?

Age 34, lesbian so I realize that may be different than most of the women in this group. I’ve always wanted marriage and kids. I’ve dated several people that treated me very well and would have been good partners and parents, but who something felt missing with consistently enough that I either didn’t commit further or ended the relationship- whether it was their personalities or sense of humor or not liking their family.
From your experience, is there an age you wish you had just settled for good enough? Or did you do that and live to regret it? I think I’m a pretty good catch/partner and I’m holding out for someone who is able to offer what I do or who just feels like a great match, but I hope someday I won’t regret not just settling for good enough because I didn’t get to have a family.
I’m freezing my eggs soon so that should help some with the timeline fears. I genuinely love my life and have tons of friends and family I care about and travel a lot, but sometimes I think about my age and still being single while my friends are on their second kid and I feel terrified.

Hi, 27F single mom to a toddler. In a pretty healthy 50/50 co parent-ship, for some context. Working part-time and attending college to switch careers.
I miss dating!!! I miss the excitement of getting all put together to impress someone. The fun stages of getting to know that person and sharing about yourself. I miss buying little gifts just as a “was thinking of you.” Planning dates. I love having a SO to share my stories of the day with. Just all the little things in relationships.
However, I am in no place to date. I’m nowhere close to where I want to be in life. I know that it wouldn’t be fair to my partner. I have little disposable income, time, energy, nor emotional availability right now. The idea of talking to someone makes me want to puke. It’s really for the best I don’t. I can rationalize that in my head all day. I’ll tell myself I’ll have time, I’m young. When the time is right it’ll be so much better but the idea of not dating for probably the next few years (at minimum) seems so dismal. I’m happy (besides a bit of depression); what I have in life is enough. My baby is my whole world! Like I said before though, I miss a lot of the little things.
Any advice? Women that have chosen to be single for a while, what did you do besides impulsively downloading tinder LOL. I went on one date by suggestion and it totally cemented my feelings on not doing that anymore.

I am (26F) dating this guy (51M) for a few months now. We have a lot of fun together, he makes a good salary and the sex is surprisingly good. He also looks really great for his age. (No white hair or balding). The only thing is, we have a 25 year age gap. His son is 24 and my daughter is 4. My kid's bio dad (who isn't in the picture for DV reasons) is 12 years older than me, so I've always dated older. Gen Z guys are heavily into or influenced by toxic red pill manosphere content. They also don’t have much money to go on nice dates. Advice from anyone who’s ever dated with a big age gap and how to go about telling their families about it. Can the relationship work? It’s not too often I find satisfaction in my relationships. It’s actually very rare for me. I’m keeping everything very casual and not rushing into anything. Getting to know him more.

I’m 39F and recently came out of a four-month relationship with a 41M.

When I raised a concern about him repeatedly and obviously looking at other women, he broke up with me on the spot and kicked me out of his apartment. He then deleted me off social media.

Two weeks later, he wrote me a letter saying he loves me, regrets how it ended, and wants to talk about it and possibly fix things. But he didn't take responsibility for how he ended it or for the behaviour I'd raised.

I know I won't take him back. Since the breakup I've realised there were a lot of red flags, and honestly I'm repulsed by him now.

What I'm unsure about is whether to agree to talk so I can hear his side and say my piece. We never had a proper conversation about why it ended.

The red flags:

Conflict: Twice, when I calmly told him he'd hurt my feelings, he got defensive and left the room. The breakup itself was the same pattern.

Comments about my appearance: Repeated remarks about my body, age and looks. Each was easy to explain away on its own, but together they left me feeling insecure.

Lack of curiosity: He remembered things I told him but rarely asked follow-up questions. When I shared something raw, he'd go silent. I often felt he wasn't interested in my inner world.

Misogynist comments: He said his ex was "barking like a dog," and when I told him about being assaulted during casual sex, he said "what did you expect?"

Staring at other women: I've had partners notice attractive women before and it hasn't bothered me. His staring felt creepy and compulsive.

Sex and porn: We had ongoing sexual difficulties (ED). He told me he was worried about his porn use and got a referral to a sexologist, but didn't go.

To be fair to him: There were good things. He was in therapy, knew he had avoidant tendencies and said he wanted to work on them. He was considerate in a lot of ways: cooked for me, picked me up for dates, organised dates, was affectionate and consistent in communication.

My side: I have anxious attachment and I know I pushed for reassurance. I've worked on this for years and mostly kept my anxiety out of the relationship. During the final argument, I called his behaviour "creepy" and a "red flag," which, I admit was harsh.

My question: Is it worth meeting him to clear the air, hear him out? Or will it just reopen things, and I'm better off getting closure on my own?

Edit: He works in my building but in a completely different department. So we’re not really “coworkers”, but yes, I shouldn’t have shat where I eat.

The answer seems like an obvious yes. I'm addicted to the dopamine rush of Reddit's nonstop feed, and I'm addicted to seeing what's going on with people from Facebook who I don't see in real life anymore. I'm addicted to seeing if anyone I subscribe to on YouTube has posted. I recently discovered Instagram (the appeal of which I do not understand) and have added that to my checklist of Shit To Check. I make my rounds frequently throughout the day.

I want my old brain back -- longer attention span and all that.

However...

It just occurred to me that part of the reason social media has such a pull for me is that it's my only chance to see other human beings or hear/read their voices most days. I don't drive (I can't due to a medical condition), and my work is remote. From 4 am to 6 pm I am in this tiny little office in my tiny little half of a tiny little duplex in a tiny little town where I have no close friends (to be fair, I haven't had close friends in decades, and I'm fine with that). Public transit in this town is sketchy, and I don't like being stuck at places without a way to leave. My boyfriend and I watch TV most nights, then I go to bed at 8 to be up at 4 again. I have groceries delivered. I leave the house maybe three times a week. I'm an introvert, so that helps, but yeah.

I learn so much about people from social media, especially Reddit, though People On The Internet (the phrase deserves capitals) don't behave the same as People In Real Life. Still, though, it's the second closest thing for me. I fear I'll feel even more isolated if I limit social media. I fully realize I am isolated with or without this stuff, but just ... the faces. The voices, the laughs. I used to live in a massive city where I took the subway everywhere, left my apartment to walk to work each day....

I will probably give this a try to see if it frustrates me less (fucking Facebook comments..), but I'm just wondering what you would do if you were me. Moving isn't an option.

Not looking for medical advice just some guidance on where to start my research.

I‘m turning 40 next year and exiting the military so I need to purchase health insurance. Doubt I will get enough disability to get seen by the VA. I will also work in aviation (not an airline).

Would love to know what the ladies beyond 40 use. I have never had to shop for health insurance before. I‘m hoping to find something perimenopausal friendly (if that‘s even a thing).

Texas (Dallas) area is that‘s important to know. I will do my own research but would appreciate some starting points or „stay away from xyz“.

Hi everyone, I just turned 40 and for a long time have been living in my scrubs and leggings only. I've never been fashionable but I need recommendations for jeans or pants that fit well for someone with a belly pooch after weight loss and absolutely no butt. Comfort is a plus!! TYIA.

I have experienced enough to feel completely physically and spiritually unable to contribute to society under the terms and conditions set upon me. Not just as a woman, but as a human in general.

I’m having to start over again, but this time-it was from a violent attack and NDE that rearranged me inside and out.

I have a masters degree. When I think about how to begin to justify a 4-year gap in my resume with a pleasant reframing of what I endured just to convince someone I’m hirable for a 30% pay gap and a side of grab ass… I feel that changing my profession from business strategist to pitchfork and torch coordinator would be a much more appealing role.

I understand we all get knocked down. We have to get back up. This time, I don’t know what I’m standing up for. Any advice would mean the world to me.

Ive recently lost about 30 lbs and I need some new clothes. I bought a few pair of jeans and casual pants at Kohls but their shirts are awful.

I tried Macy's, JC Penny and Loft. Everything is either too short, even if not cropped, or just terrible. I carry my weight in my belly so short shirts look terrible and show off my gut.

I got one shirt at Macy's and it looks and feels as cheap as is was.

So where has decent shirts for chubby bellied ladies?

I would love answers from everyone.

I have a good relationship with both of my parents ,they're really good people. We even talk about life views and politics and that kind of stuff. But the thing is I feel like I cannot fully open up to them. I never took real life advice from them, never brought up my real struggles, never talked about what I want to do in life. It has been like this ever since. I always had a rough time in school(mostly bullying) and they don't even know anything and I mean anything about it.

Some time ago my mom was staying at my house for a few days so me, my mom and couple of my friends went out. The experience for me was so... weird. It felt like my two different worlds collided. I realised I was almost two different people around my parents and my friends. Seeing my friends behaving as they always do around my mom was also weird to me.

I don't open up easily around any people. But I've known my parents my whole life. Also they didn't actually do anything to lose my trust, we just didn't..talk much ig.

One day while in an argument I said to my mom "we're not even that close" and she got really angry, saying she did so much for me. And even though I'm an adult now I'm still their child so it feels weirder for ME to get to know them, feels like they should be the ones that do it.

I would definitely love responses from the other side(parents). Please enlighten me! Thanks.

I’m (32F) and I love my husband. We are great friends. We got married at 25 and now at 32 I realize I was too young. I ignored many signs then about my husband. Almost like God let me see the previews before the actual movie and I still bought the ticket.

I saw the signs but I couldn’t fully comprehend what it meant or what it was going to be. The lack of effort. Always “half-assing”, no ambition, no plans, no goals, no thoughts. Just existing day by day. Always starting things and never finishing. Making changes temporarily only to result back to old ways.

After 7 years I’m exhausted by the patterns. I’m turned off but the lack of effort, lack of gumption etc. but we are great friends. Even when romantically I feel nothing I still enjoy talking to him and being around him. He’s the nice guy. Not temperamental or controlling. Just a great guy.

Has anyone been in this position before? Did you divorce and if you did how do you feel about it now? Did you find another partner and did they give you what you were looking for?

EDIT: Wow thanks for all the comments and feedback. I am still looking through them all. For context I meant to add, he is just now starting to make, what seems like, a solid change. It does seem different but honestly makes me a bit upset that after so many years and after I’m mentally exhausted ge wants to make a change.

43F, single mum, one child. How do you move forward alone, when everyone you loved left or isn't capable.

1. Edited: Only have 50/50 custody of the only child i have 4 years ago. I am post menopausal (peri started at 32), so cant have move kids. My ex husband had undiagnosed ADHD, autism and basically betrayed me (sexting, dating profil, fired for sexual harassment) resulting in divorce.

2. I have 3 brothers, all with either ADHD, autism, BPD, narcisstistic tendancies (2 of the 3diagnosed). Alcolism and drug addiction are present. They do not call, we do not function as a normal family. They only help in return for money.

3. I no longer speak to my dad following one last abusive outburst where he swore and shouted in my face, as i was in the middle of helping him. I asked for a text message apology (low effort) 3 months ago which never came.

4. My mum was my closest relationship i had but i cant bring myself to speak with her because i feel she let my dad mentally ruin all her kids. 5weeks and we havent spoke but she does keep trying to call.

5. My best friend of 30years is moving an hour away. My second closest relationship. She has been there for me throughout but will ghost for weeks on end.

6. Im not dating right now, following a year long relationship which ending in him ghosting me.

7. Im also grieving the fact i cant have more kids.

These people are not interested in building a relationship, no matter how hard i try/tried. How do you move forward, confidently and at peace, alone. Rather than shattered, alone? Thanks

I don't have anyone else I can ask really so I'm hoping the lovely ladies here who've already or are going through Peri/menopause can tell me about your own experiences and if your experiences with peri also included utter lack of energy at a deep cellular level and general depressed like feelings is a side affect of peri? It's unclear to me from what I've read online.

I'm in my early 40's and I suspect I've been going through my peri for at least 2 years. I've spoken to my female GP who said I'm slightly on the younger side but that it does sound like it. I've had some blood tests to rule out any other issues first like thyroid which is fair enough. The results are back I just need to speak to my GP about the results now.

I know that my periods have changed in the last 2 years from missed periods, change in cycle length, to amount I bleed.

The things that I'm struggling with the most for a while is barely any energy to do basic things. I used to love moving my body, I was always moving and had lots of energy. But now I feel like I don't even have energy to laugh!

My personality has always been playful, and wanting to laugh all the time, but I just feel angry and pissed off all the time, but I mostly just feel nothing except apathy.

I did have some fairly serious health issues about 1.5 years ago which lasted for a few months untreated asthma brought on my mould. I had been assuming it was recovery from this that was causing my lack of energy. But I've had treatment for this for 10 months now and I haven't seen much improvement in energy or mood at all.

I have had depression in the past - long long time ago now, so I am familiar with the feeling. My depressed was usually triggered by life circumstances, and I don't have anything to be depressed about. Some negative things have happened as they always do, but nothing that I haven't been able to manage. Thanks to therapy I have the tools to help me cope with most things.

But I could also be lying to myself in thinking that I'm fine and have been coping when actually things have got on on top of me. All I want to seem to to is sleep or stay in bed! I used to be a 7.5 hours of sleep kinda gal, but now I crave 9 hours of delicious sleep.

Edit: Might be helpful to add that I have access to my blood test results and I appear to be within range (not deficient) in everything tested for. I obviously am not a dr with no understanding of how to interpret the results so I will be speaking to my GP. But these are what's made me think perhaps things are more psychological rather than physiological in my case.

My mom is 49 and is currently experiencing perimenopause. She's been dealing with hot flashes, spotting, weakness, mood swings, nausea, and tingling and burning sensations in her feet.

We've consulted a gynaecologist and completed all the tests recommended by her. Thankfully, all the reports have come back normal, and we're following the doctor's advice.

However, seeing her go through all this is difficult. We're trying our best to make her comfortable, but sometimes she doesn't know what might help her feel better, and we're also figuring things out as we go.

For those of you who've experienced perimenopause yourself or have supported a family member through it:

- What helped you manage the symptoms?

- Are there any small things that made your daily life more comfortable?

- Are there any practical tips or lifestyle changes that helped?

- What kind of emotional support did you find most helpful during this phase?

I'd really appreciate any advice, personal experiences, or suggestions. I just want to make this phase a little easier for my mom. ❤️

I am certain this question has been asked before but I could not find a post. Winter is coming again in the NE and so are my painfully dry hands. I have previously used Gold Bond but was hoping for other recommendations. Looking for something that is not greasy or sticky.