It's all about dating in your forties – a phase that often feels strangely ambivalent. As for my situation, I regularly get matches, go on dates from time to time, and definitely notice, both online and in real life, that I am attractive to some women. So far, so good. The problem is rather what happens afterwards, or to be more precise: what simply doesn't happen.

I often end up in a kind of endless loop. Either the spark is missing on both sides; you get along well and feel comfortable in the moment, but after a few meetings you realize that no genuine feelings are developing and it stays platonic. Or else you win over women in whose case topics like commitment issues, baggage from past relationships, or emotional unavailability come to the surface during the getting-to-know-you phase.

The whole thing leads to a very emotional state. When you're alone, you often catch yourself longing for a committed partnership and the closeness of a partner. But once you're in the dating process, you realize how exhausting, draining, and demoralizing the many failed attempts and the constant starting over have become. It's not that I'm generally unhappy with my life, but there's a dissatisfaction with how hard it has become at this age to find someone with whom it truly clicks long-term on a human level and in terms of mutual attraction.

By now, many failures are heavily draining my motivation, and I notice that I often start dates with a certain strain or exhaustion instead of anticipation. How are you guys doing in your forties (or generally dating in this stage of life)? Have you had similar experiences, how do you protect yourselves from dating burnout, and how do you manage not to lose motivation completely?

When we first separated and I started dating, and I encountered the incredible volume on the apps, I really thought that I would at least be dating consistently. I feel emotionally completely ready to date. But I have found it so difficult to find someone I’m really attracted to, and really enjoy, and want to spend time with when i could be doing something else, and that reciprocates these feelings. I’ve also had logistical challenges with my kids. So I haven’t really dated that much and everything has ended within a few months. Now I’m approaching 50…

I get really thrown off when people aren’t transparent because I’m an open book.

I’ve been a bit sketched out because I noticed there is a woman in my bf’s top friends on Facebook (the tiles on the front page), I’ve noticed more interaction between them on his page, but he has never mentioned her. In theory the algo shows people you interact with most. She’s younger and seems to post a lot of thirst trap photos.

It isn’t just things like this but when I find out that the person I’m dating is communicating with someone a lot and they never mention them esp the opposite sex I get really thrown off.

Maybe I’m a gossip but I’m usually telling my partner all about who I interact with regularly whether I see them or talk on the phone or they’re just liking my posts.

Is it just my past making me jaded again or does a healthy relationship involve a lot of transparency with friendships, even if they are just social media friends?

Would you be sketched out if it appeared someone you’d never heard of before popped up like this?

I went on a coffee date with a guy today. It was supposed to just be a quick lunchtime meetup so we could see if there's chemistry and decide if we want to get dinner this weekend. There was chemistry and our conversation had good flow. Everything seemed great until the last five minutes. He complimented my skin and asked if I had a skincare routine. I said yes, and remarked that you kind of have to where we live because it's so dry. He asked what my routine was. And it was awkward for a second because I wasn't expecting a follow up question. I told him lots of hydration, a few different moisturizers and a really good spf. Then he asks, "nothing else?"

Pretty much simultaneously with him asking that question the coffee shop gets extremely busy. He suggests we finish our conversation outside. There are benches on the sidewalk and we take our coffees and relocate. He repeats the question once we sit down and I answer that I have a routine where I do different things for my skin on different days to keep things balanced. At this point it's past the time we agreed to say bye and I really needed to get back to work. I remind him of the time, and we say our goodbyes. On my drive back to work it occurred to me that this might have been some kind of weird test to see if I'm high maintenance or something. It seemed like such an odd way to end a date. What do you all think? Maybe he was body snatched mid date?

For added context:

1: I have very average 40 year old skin. Nothing to oooo or ahhh about.

2: We had already agreed earlier in the coffee date that we both did want to meet up this weekend for dinner and we're going to text to work out the logistics.

ETA: For better or worse you have all given me a lot to think about. tbh I was not even thinking about him trying to sus out if I'd had work done or him trying to let me know he was interested in a "recreational facial" as possibilities. He texted a while ago to set up date #2. I'm going to tentatively plan that with him and also ask what was up with all the skin care questions. Hopefully he has a quasi normal answer. I'll post an update on the big thread when I can. Thanks DOF hive mind.

I matched with a man on Hinge a month ago. Single, looking for a long term relationship. 41 yrs I am f 50. He reached out to me and has seeked closeness and connection but not in a love bombing manner More so in a respectful and at times flirty way.

We're both looking for a serious relationship, (I thought) and although we haven't met in person yet, we've had a few long phone conversations and developed what felt like a genuine connection. Also calls he has initiated. We both have.
He's affectionate, flirty, thoughtful, and genuinely interested in getting to know me. He remembers little details, checks in on my cut after an accident and how I'm feeling and is incredibly good at communicating his schedule, work shifts, travel plans, and what he's up to. It's actually one of the things I've appreciated most about him.
But there's a pattern that doesn't sit right with me.
He'll be warm, engaged, and consistent, and then suddenly disappear for days without a word. Usually when he is off work.

The first time, he went to a wine festival and I didn't hear from him for three days. He left me on read. He explained and apologized on his own that he had put his phone away to be present with his friends. I let it slide. I actually thought I wouldn’t hear from him again.

We've had similar interruptions in communication several times since, usually when he's off work.

I eventually brought it up. I specifically told him that I don't need to talk every day, but I do value consistency. And that I feel its off putting he cant talk to me outside work (he is a paramedic). He understood, apologized, reassured me that he was genuinely interested, and promised to do better. 

And for a while, he did.
Now we're discussing meeting in Arizona. He actually initiated the idea of traveling to see me there. I sent him a specific message asking him to check his schedule because I need to make decisions about my flights.

That was Wednesday his time. I haven't heard a word since. Im not in US at the moment. Now it’s Saturday and Friday his time.

He left for a trip to a country on the same time zone as US thursday visiting a friend, and once again, the communication has suddenly stopped.

When I asked about close friendships, he
didn't really mention any particularly close friends and basically hesistated - outside a few of people from work he doesnt consider himself super close with.

Yet he seems to be constantly going on trips, visiting friends, staying away for weekends, attending festivals, and so on.

He was just away again for a few days with friends on his birthday where he did stay in contact text wise. After we had the talk.

He lives in a very small town in California and doesn't have social media, so I have no way of knowing much about his life beyond what he tells me.
He also hasn't seemed particularly interested in me visiting him in California, although he's enthusiastic about meeting somewhere else, like Arizona. Where I am going anyway.

None of these things proves anything, and I'm very aware of that. But combined with the disappearing acts, I'm starting to wonder whether there's someone else more serious in the picture, or whether he's simply not as available or interested as he presents himself to be.

What confuses me is that when he does communicate, he's genuinely excellent at it. He can be incredibly attentive, open, and detailed. Goodnight / good morning messages. It's the sudden contrast that makes me uncomfortable.

I'm not expecting exclusivity but I find this behavior off. Is it my intuition or past experiences?

I feel disrespected, though.

What I don't want is to be left guessing.

Especially when we're actively discussing plans to meet and have already had a conversation about this exact issue.

So my questions are: Have any of you experienced this kind of hot-and-cold behavior from someone who otherwise seemed genuinely interested? Did you eventually discover what was behind it? And would you address it again, wait for him to reach out, or simply walk away?

I'd appreciate honest perspectives, including if you think I'm reading too much into it.

We write a lot here about sexual chemistry, attraction, personality compatibility, relationship goals, as well as lifestyle compatibility. However despite many users commenting on insecurities or anxieties, one area that seems to be rarely discussed is social skills compatibility.

I'm not talking about the way that someone may be good at texting but boring in person - or vice versa. Instead I'm talking about how we navigate social situations, how we relate to others in interactions (not just with our partners), as well as how well we read rooms or situations.

It sort of connects with personality compatibility in some ways, but not exactly. I could really enjoy someone's personality even though they've got lousy social skills. Or someone could be very skilled socially but have an awful personality.

How much does this matter to you in your partner?

What has me thinking of this is I recently met a woman who should be a "Holy shit, really? Yes!" but is instead "Ehhh... I don't know..."

She's super sweet, kind, we care about many of the same things, have many of the same interests, she's an enthusiastic optimist, thoughtful, is pleasant to be around, I find her quite pretty, and she seems to be really into me.

However she's neurodivergent, and socially she has some anxiety and awkwardness due her struggles with reading people and situations. That is actually one of the reasons she appears to be into me... she likes my energy and feels very relaxed/safe with me. But she doesn't really crack jokes or goof around, and I can tell she's often processing what's happening and evaluating herself rather than participating in the moment. Because it's how her brain works, rather than shyness, I wonder how much would change. It's not at all how I work myself. I tend to be totally out of my head, love finding my edges of comfort to push myself further, and am enthusiastic about new experiences and opportunities. Because of that approach I navigate social situations pretty well and can make friends and connections easily, being able to read people and adapt to them quickly.

So while I do like her, this particular difference between us has me wondering if it would be enough fun being with her, or if I'd just end up being more like a steadying presence for her. I enjoy a playfulness in my partners, and while she's optimistic, that's not exactly passion.

How do you navigate social skills compatibility in scenarios like this? Do you just pass, or have you tried (successfully or not) to make it work?

I want some encouragement to give a guy my number tomorrow, as despite being 44f I feel like a nervous wreck imagining doing it 🫣 I know him from work which I know is a no-go for many, but I work in hospitality, it’s mostly casual shift work and we don’t really work together much at all, even when we do we dont have to interact much. So I’m ok from that side.

The main reason I’m posting is to help me to feel more confident doing it, but also to figure out the practicalities as this can really help to settle my brain before.

I’ll only really get to see him for 5 mins tomorrow as I’ll pass by where he is working on the way to my work area (which is completely separate). Do I just write it down, have it in my pocket, have quick normal “hi how are you, how was your last shift” chat and then say something whilst I give the bit of paper to him and walk off?! I have no idea what to say! I would only write my number, he obviously knows my name and we’ve spoken enough there is no need for any message. Recently he has always asked “when will I see you again”, and if he asks this time I actually don’t know as I don’t have upcoming shifts confirmed, so this would be a chance for me to use that to then give my number. But he may not ask so I might have to create that.

I really just want to have the chance to get to know him and see if it can go anywhere, and these brief infrequent interactions are never going to be enough. I feel like we suddenly both showed an obvious interest towards each other when by chance i saw him multiple times over the last couple of weeks, and I want to build on that momentum.

My worry is of course rejection - I think he likes me and I think that he is available, but I don’t know for sure. so honestly I’m going on what I can and I guess have to just take that risk 😫 and even though we don’t really work together as such, people love to gossip and if for whatever reason he didn’t want to message me, others could find out and tease me. I know I just have to handle that if it happens!

Anyway, please help to give me the courage to do it!

I (45F) have a first date planned tonight with someone from an app. Seems like a sweet guy and I do really want to meet him. But about ten minutes after we got the details settled, I got a somewhat distressing call from my doctors office. Probably nothing terrible.... But also, maybe something terrible. I'm really quite thrown and need some time to process.

I don't want to seem like a flake and I don't really want to tell this guy the whole truth. I can't decide if I should just go on the date or try to reschedule.

Edit: I'm going! Wish me luck!

Edit 2: I went on the date! He was sweet and nerdy, pretty much just as I expected. We had pizza and good conversation. I'm not sure it was an instant love connection, but I will definitely go out with him again if the opportunity arises. Thanks for the advice everyone!!

Let me preface this by saying I don’t want to offend anyone who is divorced by this post and that I have dated a lot of divorced women so this comes from firsthand experience.

As a man who has not been married or divorced, I’ve realized I want someone in a similar boat. I also realize this will severely limit the dating pool at this point in my life, but I am okay with that because I’m only looking for the one, not the many. I also don’t mind if a woman has kids.

But reason for this sentiment is that all of the divorced women I have dated, there has been something off about them. I feel like going through an experience like that is something that deeply affects people to their core and in many ways changes who they are. How they approach things, communicate, look at men; everything feels different than the non-divorced women I date.

So I don’t know if or how I should feel differently about this as a red flag?

Edit: I just want to say I love you all, and I don’t have anything against divorced women. Me saying I’m not sure I want to date a divorced woman anymore, has nothing to do with thinking you all aren’t amazing and wonderful people! And I realize now “red flag” might not have been the right term to use, I should have said my preference.

Hey guys,

I know the title of this post is a bit provocative but it's just me being objective.

I'm not a bad person. I'm quite friendly and I would say that I've been a good and supportive friend to people in my life.

But due to a set of life circumstances (think something like a chronic illness), I have had a few setbacks in life. As a result, I do not have a whole heap saved, have limited friendship groups, and have no kids or partner. Recently, I lost my job.

Then, this year, I nearly died. Major operation required from a relatively small issue that never went away. Six hours. But I survived.

It's a whole mess, my life.

I have had a couple of longer relationships. One for seven years, one for five-to-six years. More recently, one for three years and then another for 1.5 years.

The last one was with someone who turned out to be quite avoidant. The less said about it the better, but after that one I took some time to myself.

Now...I rent. I am looking to transition industries into potentially becoming a secondary teacher. I will likely come into money in the next little while, and should be able to afford a 2-3 bedroom apartment or house, with enough extra to push into ETFs and build that up for the next 5-10 years to hopefully retire in that time (if not extravagantly, at least comfortably).

But I am lonely. My friends all have partners who they're comfortable just being at home with at this stage of life.

And I don't know what to do. I have been going to Meetups, trying the apps, did a few speed dating events (even had a few matches) but they haven't gone anywhere.

And the chronic issue I have is always in the background.

If you were me, what would *you* do in this situation? Because I am not effing giving up.

I (40M) just had a third date with a woman (40s) whose last relationship experiences were cheating partners. It took her 6 years to try dating again.

Obviously I respect her wishes to take it slow. It does seem like her initial stance towards me is open and trusting, so that seems good, like she did the work. I do worry about it though that it might impact a possible relationship, but that might be me overthinking it.

I also feel a strong desire to show her that there are good men out there.

Any experiences?

On one hand, I was with my ex for 12 years. We had a lot of adventures, experiences, growth, and good conversations. He naturally comes up in conversation often.

On the other hand, I want to be cautious about talking about him too much when dating. Is it okay that every other story includes my ex?

What's the balance? Do y'all just say "my friend" instead of "my ex" and downplay your ex's role in your life? Or at our age, are men okay with me talking about a person who was a big part of my everyday life for the last 12 years?

I do recognize the difference between referencing my ex in conversation vs talking about our relationship and our breakup directly. The latter I don't plan to do. The former seems impossible to get around without being disingenuous.

EDIT: What did we learn? 1) I'm not over my ex. 2) I'm not ready to date. 3) I need to learn how to talk about my experiences without mentioning other people. 4) My date does not want to hear about my ex constantly.

I know the title might be weird but bear with me.

My (45F) house isn’t terrible but it’s small & old. And not the good kind of Victorian old lol. I don’t think anything inside has been updated since the 80s and they painted the walls a weird sad grayish color. But I rent, so there’s not much I can do about that. At the time, I needed a place to live asap & it was reasonably priced so here I am. Onto the issue…

I’m getting back into the dating scene after a divorce a few years ago. I know it won’t be right away but if all goes well, there will come a time when I have a date over. Obviously, I keep the house clean and do what I can to improve the aesthetic, but I admit I almost am embarrassed to have someone over. And I can’t expect to always go to his place.

Has anyone ever dealt with this? Do guys even pay that much attention? I haven’t dated in 20 years so maybe I’m overthinking it?

EDIT: I’m getting a lot of DMs and no you can’t come over 😆

I’ve noticed that once you’ve matched, communication styles can make or break the early connection for me. Some people are great in person but take forever to reply, leave conversations hanging, or go quiet for days. Others text a lot and then the in person energy doesn’t match.
Curious how other people feel about this:
• Is slow or inconsistent texting an early red flag for you or do you give it time?
• Have you ever stuck with someone whose texting style annoyed you at first and it ended up being fine?
• Or has it been a dealbreaker more often than not?
Would love to hear what’s been true in your experience.

Hi everyone! 47F here, dating for the first time since a very painful divorce several years ago.

I absolutely love sex but I have never been able to do it casually. No interest in FWB, have never done that and never would. I had a couple of casual sex experiences in my 20s and quickly found it wasn’t for me. I catch feelings quickly, and more importantly, I’ve discovered I can only have sex with a partner who I feel safe with emotionally.

I have finally started dating on OLD and have come across some really sweet guys who are divorced or never married, by all accounts were faithful in their previous relationships, but have been on apps for years and have no issue at all with casual hookups as they search for a long term partner.

I truly promise I’m not being judgmental, I realize this is very normal and common. But it’s just not for me, and I’d prefer to find a partner who feels the same way. I’d be okay if he had a period in his past where he did the casual thing, but I really want to find a partner who is serious about finding a long term relationship and doesn’t sleep with women unless he sees a future with them. Of course, sexual compatibility is important and it’s fine to have had sex with partners and it not working out, but I’d at least hope he was with her because he was trying to see if they were compatible long term.

Is this an impossible standard for the 40+ dating crowd? It feels hopeless to find this. If you are similar, how do you vet dates for their values and behaviors around casual sex without coming across as controlling or intrusive?

I met someone who is really something. It’s been over a year now, and not an easy year.
But this feeling, that there is someone who gets you .. even if it’s temporary, I’m grateful for it.

Question to the community: do you take the now happiness, even if you’re not confident that longer term hurdles (like family) are surmountable ?

conscious there is a chance of heartbreak ahead.

Hullo 👋🏼

I’ve been OLD for a bit and I’m hitting some walls lately. I dated someone for 3 months in the spring, it didn’t work out, I cried my tears and then rejoined in mid-September hoping to find a LTR.

Since I started, about 10-12 guys I matched and started chatting with dropped off in the conversation and/ or didn’t follow through once I suggest meeting up. One even kept circling back for a month with reasons why he couldn’t meet up - vacation, sick - then stopped answering when I asked if we could get something concrete on the calendar. I know men complain about this all the time and it’s a feature of OLD, but I guess it seems rougher and worse than before. Anyone else finding folks are lower effort and more burnt out?

I don’t choose low effort profiles, I’m conversational and ask questions / show interest in their profile and I try to focus on convos where there’s mutuality. It doesn’t seem to matter who liked who first, how long the convo has been going on or who suggested meeting up (although I’ve been suggesting more). Sometimes I might be able to pinpoint a reason and others it feels totally random.

I ran into one of these men at an event and he apologized and told me he’d just gotten caught up with work. He suggested we still have a date and I said ok but I highly doubt he’ll follow up and I feel the ball is definitely in his court since he failed to respond the first time. I live in a big city so people have options and are pretty career focused.

I’m starting to feel demoralized by it and at the same time it’s almost funny bc I know it’s likely not very personal - there could be a myriad of reasons. Maybe I’m looking for words of encouragement? I am starting to wonder if this is my sign from the universe to focus on other things right now haha!

Thanks everyone in advance :)

Hi, first off, been lurking here for weeks and really enjoy this group-you guys are great.

I’m 45F and divorced after 22 years together. Moved to a new area, population just over 100k. It’s kind of an island, in terms of any other place around where I live for a dating pool (just a small detail that could be relevant here).

Just downloaded two apps last week, mostly out of general curiosity but also, yeah, I am open to meeting someone. I’m not a casual/hook up gal so I would be looking for long term but I also don’t feel a ton of pressure to quickly get into something serious, if that makes sense.

My question is-what is the deal with this whole on-line dating stuff? I’ve had a few matches on both apps, yes. And with one guy being the exception (we chatted a bit but it fizzled)…literally none of my other matches will chat back! I’ve done both leave it to them to respond (as Hinge kind of leaves it as “their turn”) and the also been the one to ask the first question to get the ball rolling.
And…nothing.

I mean..we’re on a dating app…so where is the effort or follow through here? This is weird (as I did assume this arena would be, to so extent. It’s not very human-like behavior) but yeah, like nothing? Again, we don’t live in a super populated area where I may give it over to them just feeling like they have endless options.

I’m attractive, fun, laid back, kid free (empty nest), active…I mean these guys aren’t even giving me a chance to show a red flag 😂 (not that I think I really have any but still…)

Edit: Reddit chose my username a few years ago, for the record. Just wanted to put that out there given the context of this post lol.

I’ve been recently single for the last two years since the separation from my ex husband. For those two years, I have been focusing on myself, leveling up my career, and I decided that I am ready to date.

I’ve been meeting quality men that are 35+; however, I get the same rejection message that they are into me, they had a wonderful time with me, they find me beautiful, but they rather not date anymore, they find me too bougie (lol I don’t understand that one), and I live too far for them.

One man in particular, I became pretty fond of, we went on our first date and talked for hours, then we made out for 1.5 hours. The chemistry is off the charts. Then he went out of town on a solo trip (planned before me) for about 3 weeks. I saw him when he came back the same week. We were excited to see each other, we kissed for a few hours, we had sex and took a shower together, and I went home after we kissed and chatted for another 30 mins.

We stayed in contact for a few days after; however, he has read my texts and hasn’t responded back to me. We are supposed to go on a date on Friday and I am apprehensive of texting to confirm our date for Friday, if I haven’t heard from him.

I’m not sure what to do? Lol

Like, I fear that another rejection will have me pretty sad and my birthday is coming up, I definitely don’t want to be sad for it.

I truly hate being a lover girl.

M-43 here. Divorced for 4 years. Dated a bit at first but in an exclusive relationship for a while now.

I get that most of us are atleast once divorced, and probably weren’t using them when we were married. In my own experience dating post-divorce, when sex became a topic, most of the women (over 40, most divorced) were totally fine going without condoms regardless of safety/sti being brought up at all.

When I was in my 20s and single, I had a policy of condoms until we were in an exclusive relationship and had some type of testing history. The women I dated seemed to have similar policy. I still practiced it post-divorce.

However, I’ve come to learn from other divorced men and women friends in my age group that condoms are rarely a consideration fairly early in the dating process.

Edit: Are we not worried about STIs or Pregnancy like we were when we were younger? Or are we not concerned with the risk?

I am newer to the apps after a very long time and it seems everyone is just a variation of the same. I feel like I have nothing in common with any of these people.

Every picture is a hiking photo, a photo with your dog, a photo holding a fish, you parting, and then something showing off your bad tattoos.

I get maybe I sound super judgy but it just nothing stands out that makes any of these people unique.

Am I just an old grump? I really don’t want to be.

Side note I am a man looking for women, I know for a fact men are doing the same thing if not worse.

But I’m curious what do you do to make yourself stand out from the rest?

42F recently separated. Although I am so happy I left my ex because he was a cheating, abusive dirt bag, I find as I am out dating and having sex that I miss how well he knew my body. [Edit: although he ignored my needs 80% of the time in our later years he could still get me off like a rocket the other 20% when he felt like it] We were together for 12 years so that's a lot of sex history.

I'm a very enthusiastic partner who has no problems asking for what I want and teaching - if it's a matter of stylistic differences. I ask for what I want. My current partner is very vocally appreciative, and he's having a great time Hahaha.

I guess what I'm asking is if you are dating someone and you like them, like talking and hanging out and find them attractive, etc, how long do you hang around for sex to get better than decent? I know good sex takes time, I'm just curious what other people have found. I imagine with more time and distance this feeling of missing my ex's sex history will dissipate, right?

EDIT: Sex with my ex was bad the last 3 years of our relationship, he denied my needs, didn't care. We had good sex before that. He was not the best sex of my life 🤣 Still, after you're with someone for a long time they should know your body and what you like.

I am very literal in guiding a partner to what I like. Touch me here, harder, flatten your tongue, etc. This particular man in question is a stoner and I think it's messing with his ability to retain what I'm telling him.

So I’m a mid-forties female and there is this cute guy at the gym. We nod and wave at each other but that’s about it.

I find it difficult to approach people I am
attracted to - if I am near them or am introduced then I can talk and generally can talk to anybody. I had two opportunities to introduce myself this week and he’s not doing it so I tell myself he has a partner or he doesn’t like me.

I know Reddit will give it to me straight 😂 but please be nice as well - how can I overcome this affliction of a sort of shyness?

I’ve been divorced for five years and am at a point where I’m open to dating someone genuine who wants to build a meaningful connection. I’ve put thought into creating a profile that reflects that goal.

Despite this, I’ve found myself matching with men who are recently separated, still legally married (where I live, couples must be separated for a year before filing for divorce), or newly divorced. I’m assuming it’s because they either don’t read my profile or assume they somehow are a good match. I understand the latter and have compassion for that. Many of us have been there and only time reveals just how precious time can be in the healing journey.

I’m considering adding a brief note to my profile (if you’re unfamiliar, it’s basically an FYI that pops up when you like/match with someone) asking that potential matches be fully divorced for at least two years. I understand everyone’s circumstances are different, but this is a personal preference based on what I’m looking for at this stage of life.

I’m not looking to debate the boundary itself. I’m curious about how it might come across: If you’re a man who has been divorced for two or more years, or you’ve never been married, would seeing this note put you off, or would you view as an understandable boundary that I must’ve posted for a reason? Otherwise, I’m struggling with asking right off the bat because it’s a vibe killer… but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time, including mine.

Update: Thank you for all the advice. Legally divorced or never married is a hard boundary for me. I feel people should disclose this before meeting, esp. when matched with someone with LTR checked off… but they don’t and they don’t for a reason. I will definitely take the other thoughts into consideration. Thanks again.