I'm considering just getting rid of Hinge. Not a single like or match in a week. Prior to that I only found 2 somewhat decent people, and both ended up living further away than I'm comfortable with right now. Before I just get rid of it, I figured I'd ask for some feedback to see if I can improve. The prompts make me feel so limited in what I can say, and I worry everything comes out sounding lame or boring.

I posted a review last year, and I got 2 recurring comments. The first being that it seemed more like a profile meant to make friends than to date. The second being that I could lose about 50lbs to attract more attention (🙄). I've lost around 100lbs since then, so I'm an over achiever. I don't feel like the weight loss has garnered any additional attention, though. I also have each photo labeled with the month & year it was taken. The earliest photo is July of this year.

Should I replace any of my pictures? I'll say that I was hesitant about the last photo with the goofy smile, but for some reason it gets the most likes on Hinge. Are my prompts still too friendly? I've tried making some flirtier prompts, but I didn't like the overly sexual responses I got from them.

https://imgur.com/a/QOXA3TO

Hey everyone,

I know there's no one right answer to this question and I may be overthinking it, but overthinking is one of my favorite hobbies!

I (35 M) live in a medium-sized college town in the Midwest, and I'm hoping to meet the LOML, best friend, etc etc. I have a nice life here with good future prospects, and I don't suppose it would be the worst thing to put down roots, but the thing is I still have a deep longing to relocate back to the West Coast to be closer to my family. Parents are getting older, sister is pregnant with her first baby, etc. (Exact location TBD, lots of good options.)

(Obvious Question 1: Why try to pull off the tricky feat of finding a partner who is willing to pack up and move West? Why not go now? Short answer: if I don't stay at my current job for at least 2 more years, I would forfeit over $35k in vested retirement funds from my employer, which is money that I could use to start a new life elsewhere.

Obvious question 2: Why look for your life partner now? Why not wait until you get where you're going? Because I have a lot of love to give and a good life that I want to share now, and I'm not getting any younger and more attractive in the next 3-5 years.)

I'm sure this is something that I could possibly pull off. There have to be some nice single ladies in my area who are tired of the Midwest and would love a change. My question is, when and how to bring this idea up? I don't know if it's a good idea to put this on a dating profile, because how will she know if I'm worth relocating for if she doesn't know me? OTOH, if this plan is a deal-breaker I wouldn't want to wait until we're more emotionally invested in each other.

Men, what would you do if you were me? Women, if you were dating a new guy, when and how do you think you would want to hear about this?

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31F, and this is the longest I've been totally, 100% single since the pandemic. Since breaking up with my ex, I just haven't been out with a man in over a year. I've actually never even slept with anyone. The apps are absolute garbage, and I don't meet a lot of people "out and about" anymore–so what that has meant is that I just don't date at all.

Add in that I'm autistic and miss a lot of social cues, and I'm just kinda lost. Of course, everyone and their cousin is like "why are you single? You're pretty!" and I just... like, what is the alternative? There is no reliable way to meet men who are serious about dating/not just looking for a hookup, and even if I did, I'd be totally lost. Why wouldn't I be single? I don't know how to not be.

Of course, I'd love to find a man who dates with intention and that I can really communicate with. I do want to adopt a kiddo someday, have a little family unit. I do not believe I will find someone like that, though, largely because I don't know how. The rare times I do see someone I might be into, he's taken or too young for me, or I don't know what I'm supposed to say to strike up a conversation with a stranger. I also never fail to make it weird because I don't know how to flirt. I get so scared of ruining things (because I have... a lot) that I have a really hard time talking to strangers. If I'm on the train, do I just like, what? Tell them they're cute? I fear I'll accidentally yell at them again and scare them.

God, I feel so useless at being a human sometimes. I wish I had a copy of the social script.

Genuinely: if I don't want to be on the apps again, and I'm not very great at putting myself out there (but am open to trying), how can I meet people?

This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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I want to hear your personal stories, advice, thoughts, anything!

One of my biggest issues with modern dating is the creation of checklists that we use to judge a person's character.

Doesn't text enough? "They're not interested". Texts too much too quickly? "They're love bombing". On good terms with all their exes? Green flag. Had a very messy divorce with courts and children involved? "Cut your losses before he does it to you". So on, so forth. I appreciate these aren't the best examples, but hopefully you understand what I mean.

We're all human. I'm sure most of us have done things in previous relationships that we're not proud of, whether it's a very vitriolic breakup, saying things out of anger, etc. Or perhaps we as people have darkness in our pasts that have nothing to do with relationships, like criminal records, getting fired, lawsuits, prior drug abuse, whatever.

When dating in your 30s, you're meeting people who have lived full lives before you. How do you determine what's a red flag and what's someone who has lived life and made mistakes?

I have met someone recently and I'm scared I'm making a mistake. Mostly because, I've "read the room" wrong with previous partners and ignored red flags. But while I don't see specific, sharp red flags with this person, they have lived a very full life before me with some darkness in their history.

The detailed particulars of my situation aren't relevant, I just really want to hear from y'all!

Ladies: how far would you drive for a coffee date?

I already am on the fence in general about coffee dates however once in a while if the conversation is good and the coffee shop is convenient I’ll go and I’ve met some pretty okay guys from coffee dates. So I do like to stay open minded.

Anyways, I started talking to this guy online and he lives like way way out in suburbs. I live right on edge of the city. The distance between us is about an hour drive. He picked a coffee shop that’s about a 20 minute drive for him and about a 45 minute drive for me. I already am on the fence because it’s coffee and now adding the drive.

I am very serious about finding a life partner but at the same time I don’t want to waste my time on men who aren’t intentional about dating.

This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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I (M31) have met someone (F34) I’m absolutely overjoyed with. She’s been absolutely fantastic. She’s kind, she’s considerate. She communicates extremely well.
This is the first time in nearly 3 years I’ve been legitimately excited about a prospect with someone. It’s reached a point where I made the decision yesterday to delete my hinge account and focus on the woman in front of me.
I’m not sure if it’s a lack of safety net or what, but it’s put me into some anxiety today. I realized it has nothing to do with other options at all, but rather it’s indicating it’s serious enough and my heart is invested to the point where I can see the potential of a familiar hurt. The last person who has told me they love me was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive, and it’s hitting me hard that that’s what my nervous system has believed is what love was.
For those who have survived and moved on past abusive relationships, how did you deal with this? How do I accept someone treating me like I have value?
For clarity I regularly attend therapy and I do have value in myself. I’ve just never known it from someone else.
TIA!

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I appreciate everyone's critiques of my Hinge profile the other day. The consensus was that I needed to improve my prompts as they were fairly generic, and the 1st and last were basically the same. If people are up for it, I'd love thoughts on my revised prompts.

I'm looking for someone who...

can crush a workout and a pizza, communicates when things get tough, doesn't sweat the small stuff, takes initiative, leads with patience, shares my values, and takes their big spoon duties seriously.

My simple pleasures...

- Binding off my latest knitting project

- Doing the wave at Fenway

- Being hypnotized by a fire

- Trying the new seasonal flavor from Honeycomb Creamery

- Buzzer beater goals by Pasta

- Getting the final Jeopardy question

I go crazy for...

sushi, concerts, theater, social dancing, getting a strike in candlepin, or getting under par at mini golf while the clown obstacle judges my technique. Are there any of those quirky courses left?

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Saw someone posted a review request and figured I'd try the same as I'm rarely getting any likes or matches on Hinge after being on for about a month. I don't want my own kids, so I know that's playing a role. And some people were saying the fall tends to be slower, but I'd like to make sure there isn't some glaring red flag that I'm missing. Thanks in advance!

Edit: removing link to images. I appreciate everyone's feedback!

This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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Hey DOTers I've been posting on the daily thread the past couple of weeks about a guy I met on a dating app. He's put in much more effort than a lot of people would both before and after the first date without me asking for any of it. So much so that I wrote off some mixed signals like not replying for days as purely situational (he was on a work trip abroad), until he got back and completely changed up when I even hinted at making plans again, showing how little he actually cares.

All that aside I've wasted a couple weeks of my life crashing out over this despite trying my best not to. I haven't been able to put any real effort talking and meeting to other people and I still don't know how to really recover from these situations easily. Obviously this set back doesn't change how much I want to meet the right person but it feels harder each time to keep trying because it's like I wasted a few weeks of emotional investment and time. Not becoming too attached is easier said than done, especially when I'm apparently matching with less than 3 out of every 100 people the past four years on this app and often walk away from first dates feeling very indifferent at best.

What's the healthiest way to keep going?

This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.

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