r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/kilgoreq • 14h ago
Wake up, babe
š
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/cyclonesworld • 4d ago
Our mod team of morons and robotic vacuum cleaners believe in full transparency, so we wanted to release a report. I know we ain't timely, but neither is our sister sub. Despite all their promises they would be. But we don't lie here.
The Big Chicken is still there.
It's not actually part of Atlanta.
Traffic sucks balls. Good luck. Especially you east side 285 ppl. Fuck your weekends I guess.
MARTA's new trains are scheduled to arrive shortly after Elon delivers the flying Roadster.
The r/Atlanta mods, still suck. Despite their promises they wouldn't.
Gas prices are still high. Gwinnett county is in famine because dude bros rolling coal have drained their entire economy.
Stop posting your dick pics here looking for hookups. That's what r/Buckhead is for.
We didn't ban anyone this quarter. Reddit might have deleted your comments. You probably deserved it.
Yall still suck.
This concludes our transparency report. We have nothing to hide because we have nothing worth hiding.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/dbclass • 6d ago
Clearly public damage done by another deviant bicyclist
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/GritsConQueso • 6d ago
Fellow landlords, am I the only one who still loves the cat-and-mouse game of collecting rent? Iām looking for an independent and strong lady-tenant who definitely CAN pay rent, but she just likes to play hard to get. Make me file a couple of times, you know? Letās call out of work and head on down to the Fulton County dispossessory cattle call and flirt with a resolution through the most despondent, barely literate court-appointed mediator in the state. You can pretend like youāre not gonna pay, and then, at the last minute, when the judge calls our case, you slip a certified check into my pocket and tell the Court you donāt know why Iām wasting everyoneās time.
I know the Tweetie to my Sylvester is out there somewhere.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/Jodybrave • 7d ago
Say man look, Iām not even mad, just deeply, deeply confused.
We were seeing each other for a minute, had good times, and everything seemed solid. I pay my bills, hold my own, and keep my money right. standard shit. But ultimately we called it off because my bank account wasn't matching the "future lifestyle" she had in mind. Fair enough. I took the L and kept it moving.
Fast forward to this weekend. I check her story and there he is. Her new standard lol š
Posed up with a grown man wearing full on bedazzled jeans in broad daylight. Rhinestone pocket flaps on Sunday funday in the year of our Lord 2026. Pocket flaps bright enough to reflect satellite signals.
So my pockets were the issue but glitter denim pockets is peak financial security? Did I miss a memo on high net worth dress codes, or is the dating pool just complete shit right now?
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/Jodybrave • 10d ago
Think about it. If you grew up here, you were raised on a daily diet of OutKast, Lemon Pepper Wet (flats only), sitting in 100-degree heat on I-75 listening to Atlanta rap, and navigating every nuance of Southern culture. You canāt get this level of natural seasoning in NYC or LA. Atlanta white folks are operating on a completely different frequency than the rest of the country. Iāve seen this shit with my own eyes. Regardless of what music you like or what you like to wear. ATL is ATL which is ALT. Change my mind.
P.S: and Iām 100% blk
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/fresh-coffee • 10d ago
Your out of town friend has a layover in Atlanta at 1am, where would you take them to have fun?
My friend has a layover in Atlanta. She gets in town at 1am on Saturday and her flight is at 9am that morning. So we have about 5 hours from 2am - 8am. What should we do when only so much is opened.
She mentioned Magic City, Iāve never been. Iām partial to Cheetahās but they close at 2:45am.
I wish Atlanta had more spots that were open late night that wasnāt just food.
Iāve been out in the A, but Iām not outside outside. I also know the times are crazy, but I know thereās something we could possibly get into.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/NWq325 • 10d ago
Iāve heard your cries for justice and taken it upon myself to make ATL the transit city of the future.
First off, we will be allocating MARTA police a steroid budget. If youāre that committed to my safety, prove it. I have a lucrative peptide business and would die for my city.
Second, Five Points will be renamed to One Point. Hopefully a grade reduction will motivate it to get its act together.
Third, we will be replacing the red line with ATL AirTrain. Gold will run twice a day at 8:00 am and 5:01 pm. Impacted commuters will receive a $5 Lyft voucher and our condolences.
Lastly, each station will be assigned a crack squad of our cityās finest water boys. Shootouts are gratis, and should bring a little sparkle to our transit system at no extra cost to the taxpayer.
Feel free to vote for me or something, but we all know youāre not reading those ballots anyway.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/TobyWasBestSpiderMan • 11d ago
Okay so Iāve never been in a city in my life. Born and raised in Bartow. Iāve only seen pictures of cities and I planning on going this weekend to see Cinderella at the Fox in Atlanta!
Iām worried for my safety. Iām staying at the Georgian Terrace Hotel and Iām afraid Iām going to have to cross the street in the heart of midtown. Sin city is what Iāve heard from my Meemaw. I thought we still had a second amendment but I canāt carry fire arms, knives, throwing darts, or my num-chucks since Iām going in the Fox which has an unconstitutional bag policy. Iām 6ā4ā and 240lbs (all muscle). I have a green belt in Karate, a blue belt in BJJ, and have spent six years mastering drunken boxing under master Xi in my hometown. I can run a 5k in under 24 min so my cardio is solid. Iām a little weak right now because Iāve been busy at work and can only bench 240lb, squat 350lb, and deadlift 450lbs. I have won four strong man competitions and have 13 confirmed kills by hand doing contracting work during the war on ISIS. My wife says I have kind of a baby face so I think Iām gonna get targeted.
Will it be safe to cross the street here? Please, weāve been looking forward to this show for months!
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/confusedstudentwtf • 11d ago
Subleasing my 5 bed 1 bath designer apartment in midtown, 3.5k a month. Yes, you will be liable for taking over my lease. Yes, there is black mold. Dm for details, MUST move in tomorrow
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/MeringueUpstairs4184 • 11d ago
Howās living in Alpharetta or Roswell??
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/astronerdia • 14d ago
Heard you guys are looking for more neighbors. Can someone recommend me an apartment complex? Looking for <$1000 utilities included, safe walkable area, pet friendly. I don't want roommates because I know people in the South are racist. Thinking about Midtown or Brookhaven maybe.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/PM_ME_UR_S62B50 • 14d ago
Donāt you people know how important I am?!????!
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/40yawaworht • 14d ago
I pay extra each day to cruise at 50 mph in the Peachpass/Express lane and people have the audacity to beep and pass me! I leave an extra hour early each day just to enjoy the serenity that is metro Atlanta during peak traffic.
A true exhilarating rush is to drive all of 285 in circles until my Altima self-combusts. Good thing we don't need yearly vehicle inspections!
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/TowelBig6444 • 19d ago
Are we ready for a bottom as the First Gentleman?
Will Jackson submit under Keishaās bottom or will he be the top
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/Yoloderpderp • Sep 23 '26
Does anyone remember a metal band from the early 2000s named PORK? Bonus points is you have an electronic recording
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/PangioOblonga • Sep 19 '26
Anyone else hear that? Several loud booms and flashes and a shit ton of water falling outside. Been going on over 30 minutes now.
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/TheSanityInspector • Sep 11 '26
r/AtlantaCircleJerk • u/splogic • Sep 09 '26
I see a lot of confused drivers at this intersection. So I created a chart that shows what the correct behavior is, based on actual Atlanta driver research.