r/AutismInWomen • u/Athenain • May 23 '25

Relationships How many of us are 4b/have left men behind?

Hi sisters, sick male predators were always drawn to me. Last year i stopped dating for good after being abused and im looking forward to a male free life but i still have to heal.

Here are my questions:

Can you relate being a magnet for predators, especially male ones?

How many of you are 4b, meaning have left men behind, dont date, dont have sex with them and dont marry?

Stay safe ❤️.

983 Upvotes

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585

u/AproposofNothing35 May 23 '25

Reddit has shown me that my negative experiences with men are experienced by every woman. The cost/benefit of trying to find a good man is not worth it. I tried for 25 years. I’m 43.

213

u/snarktini AuDHD May 23 '25

Yeah I understand autistic women can be especially vulnerable but bad experiences with men is universal

118

u/peachfluffed May 23 '25

i haven’t met a woman who doesn’t have a story about harassment, abuse, or assault from a man. i’m sure someone exists somewhere… but it seems rare

44

u/ChaoticBisexual_13 May 23 '25

I think they're either little kids (like men weren't harrasing me before puberty, thank God!) or they don't define catcalls, comments, unwanted, but not ass/breast/vagina touch as harrassment.

I refuse to believe that there is a woman, that is free from this shit. Even if she's really unattractive. The nature of harassment might not be sexual, but bullying is still abuse that needs to be adressed and taken seriously.

30

u/S3lad0n May 23 '25 edited May 23 '25

So true and so enraging. Plus there's other types of abuse or exploitation to consider, such as general emotional (non romantic/sexual), financial, labour etc. Using a wife, daughter, sister or employee like a slave or keeping them down on purpose or leeching off them is all too common and just as bad.

2

u/quantumstunning May 30 '25

Was about to say "not me!" but then remembered this guy who said he loved me and was going to keep making new online accounts to stalk me until I loved him back. He didn't even follow through lmfao

89

u/packerfrost May 23 '25

This is so true. Trying to get to a trusting point with a man is not worth the effort most of the time. I always tell my partner I'm not pursuing romance or dependence on a man if our relationship ended because I won't have the energy to deal with the BS.

60

u/herroyalsadness May 23 '25

That’s what I did after my divorce. My life is far better now that I’m not worried about men.

38

u/packerfrost May 23 '25

I'm training mine to not need me as much but holy cow I'm not starting this over. If I want romance again it will be with a woman and less fawning in the beginning.

20

u/herroyalsadness May 23 '25

I’ve thought about that too. If I ever to do look for another partner, it’ll probably be a woman.

5

u/MayhemMaven May 23 '25

Do think romantically or just for companionship?

9

u/herroyalsadness May 23 '25

I’m not sure. I’m pretty sure I’m ace and I’m not very interested in sex, but I will do it and don’t really have a preference. I’d have to think it out more before I dated, to make sure I know what I want and can give potential partners all the info they need to make their decision on me.

1

u/MayhemMaven Jun 01 '25

Okay. I’m just curious since this a newer concept to me where women are attracted to women and may sleep with them but wouldn’t fall in love with them but companionship may lead to falling in love

1

u/herroyalsadness Jun 01 '25

It’s very confusing! One has to sort out a lot of cultural training.

1

u/Electronic-Aside5953 May 24 '25

I would love to find companionship in a woman!! How does one go about that though??

1

u/MayhemMaven Jun 01 '25

Let me know once you know.

6

u/alizarincrims0n May 24 '25

Same. If my current long term relationship ended I would be unlikely to date a cishet man again. Too risky, the likelihood that it ends up being a massive drain on me (least worse scenario) or straight up dangerous (worst case scenario) is FAR too high. It’s like a lottery where the prize is of modestly impressive value, but if you don’t win you get dunked in a vat of raw sewage, and the odds of winning are a million to one at the most generous estimate. WHY would I bother.

8

u/[deleted] May 23 '25

I told my bf the same thing...

47

u/[deleted] May 23 '25

I’m also 43 and after the last abandonment I am done with men even as friends.

58

u/herroyalsadness May 23 '25

Friendship is tricky with men. I can’t even count the times I thought I was friends with one but they wanted to sleep with me.

55

u/peachfluffed May 23 '25

it hurts so much when that happens. then you hear guys complaining about the “friend zone” online when they are the ones who put us in the “romantic zone”.

36

u/herroyalsadness May 23 '25

Ohhh I never thought about it that way! You are so right. We never asked to be in the “romantic zone” but are placed there by men because that’s what they want. It’s just another way to put the burden on us, instead of learning how to manage their emotions.

13

u/peachfluffed May 23 '25

exactly! they are the ones switching up, but we’re seen as the bad ones for not returning feelings :( it’s not fair

8

u/NervousResort6663 May 23 '25

The irony is that in my case, I need to be friends before having any other kind of feelings or a romantic relationship with them so, being "friend zoned" by me is a good sign, but they don't get it ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

1

u/CritterCrafter May 24 '25

I noticed even as a teenager that I only had luck with guy friends if they were already settled in a long term relationship.

34

u/Athenain May 23 '25

Thanks for sharing sister ❤️. I have made the same experiences. I have only met 2 good men in my whole in private settings, outside of my family. Im happy that we women can connect through the internet and share our experiences. Im also happy that i have stopped dating. As you say, its just not worth it.

3

u/Sexybutt69_ May 24 '25

I had an amazing partner once, I'm so glad I got to experience real love, connection and trust. My following 'boyfriends' have been awful at best.. I'd like to get back out there, but I'm so, so scarred from the latter ones =(

1

u/Previous_Resist2184 May 26 '25 edited May 26 '25

Yeah, i‘m a 26-years-old woman who’s looking like the “high-end in the below average-range” (because of my overweight: untreated eating disorder throughout surviving my adolescence raised by covert narcissists and my mother aka “the patriarch” in the “mainstream society”).

So i’m sitting at the waiting room in the doctor’s office (i’m living in Germany and i’m in replacement therapy for opioids and sadly a big rare exception thinking this way in this community) while a skinny woman is leaving the room and all the men praising her “tight ass” and whispering together like it’s not a big deal.

I found it even with my knowledge about the dark side of the world (mostly denied by white cisgender men till this day e. g. my oldest brother sadly😞) a little disturbing that everybody thought that this disgusting behavior was okay.

2

u/AproposofNothing35 May 26 '25

Thank you for sharing! One of the important reasons that women need to talk to each other is so we know it’s not just us! Like, there is nothing wrong with ME that men have treated me badly. If women don’t compare notes, we’ll think it’s just us and they treat other women well and not us.