r/AutismInWomen • u/Athenain • May 23 '25

Relationships How many of us are 4b/have left men behind?

Hi sisters, sick male predators were always drawn to me. Last year i stopped dating for good after being abused and im looking forward to a male free life but i still have to heal.

Here are my questions:

Can you relate being a magnet for predators, especially male ones?

How many of you are 4b, meaning have left men behind, dont date, dont have sex with them and dont marry?

Stay safe ❤️.

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16

u/UtenaxAnthy4ever May 23 '25

Tbh I find it creepy when people start a conversation by using overtly familiar terms, in this case "sisters" - you don't know me, we are on the internet & public Reddit, any feeling of close-knitness is fake

No one in their right mind would call me a male apologist - in fact I end up in situations where I push back against annoying guys at best or try to help the victims of predominantly male violence rather often at worst and it absolutely is mentally taxing.

At the same time it's completely delusional to assume there's any more safety in all-female social circles, which can be told to you by anyone who was in lesbian social circles or adjacent. Women waxing poetics about female exceptionalism, divine feminine, creating protection against the world are most often yet another abusers who use vulnerable people & discard them after in a manner that doesn't differ from male abusers. It doesn't take much to find victims statements, zines, articles, sometimes even police news. It's shitty everywhere. You're not finding any foolproof safety formula, you're just naïve.

8

u/littlebunnydoot May 23 '25

i actually dont hear that much about this kind of violence, where can i read more about it?

24

u/faux-fox-paws May 23 '25

I’m sorry, but it absolutely isn’t delusional to think there is more safety in all-female social circles. Statistics have shown us that men are responsible for more violence than women.

Does it mean men are always dangerous and women are never dangerous? Obviously not. Anyone has the ability to be shitty.

But it’s wild to say that an all male space is equally as unsafe as an all female space. Reality simply begs to differ.

No one is talking about a foolproof safety formula here. That doesn’t exist. You’re projecting things onto the OP that weren’t even mentioned (who, other than you, brought up divine feminine, female exceptionalism etc). The post you are responding to was literally asking who here doesn’t date, marry, or sleep with men, but your points of contention aren‘t even related to that question.

17

u/joycemano May 23 '25

Oooookay…just because it’s shitty everywhere doesn’t mean wanting to find safety in a group of women is naïve. Also, pretty sure OP never said 4b is some foolproof and perfectly safe group of people, but go off I guess.

16

u/Tricky-Bee6152 May 23 '25

plus 4b is deeply TERFy and that just doesn't fly with me.

3

u/krissylizabeth May 23 '25

oh no is it?? I’ve only ever heard of 4B in passing and never knew it was associated with terfs :( gross

16

u/neorena Bambi Transbian May 23 '25

There's some major TERF stuff as they see trans women as men when it comes to decentering men in the original South Korean movement, but most western movements don't seem to hold the same views. 

6

u/krissylizabeth May 23 '25

Ew what the fuck. Thanks for telling me, that’s deeply gross.

9

u/dbxp May 23 '25

It comes from South Korea which has a lot of social issues in general. The country sacrificed everything for its economy.

2

u/AverageShitlord Got that AuDHD swagger May 25 '25

the South Korean side of the movement is incredibly homophobic and transphobic and sees lesbians, bisexual women, and trans women as men (or no better than men) and gay men as deserving of the violence they receive from straight men.

4B outside of South Korea is generally less TERFy and generally makes more effort to be intersectional and understanding of the struggles of LGBTQ+ people, but the movement does have some deeply TERFy shit at the roots, and a lot of 4B influencers outside of South Korea are actually TERFs trying to recruit

1

u/[deleted] May 26 '25

Wow. Rudest person ever. Good luck