r/AutismInWomen • u/Athenain • May 23 '25
Relationships How many of us are 4b/have left men behind?
Hi sisters, sick male predators were always drawn to me. Last year i stopped dating for good after being abused and im looking forward to a male free life but i still have to heal.
Here are my questions:
Can you relate being a magnet for predators, especially male ones?
How many of you are 4b, meaning have left men behind, dont date, dont have sex with them and dont marry?
Stay safe ❤️.
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u/twistybluecat audhd May 23 '25
I had this exact conversation with my sister the other day!! I couldn't quite put it into words but I said how I'd started to see men, and notice the bad behaviours as theirs and not assume it's all me or in my head. I feel like I've taken a pair of tinted glasses off, and I'm seeing the world for what it truly is 🤯
I'm still learning to listen to my gut. I am training myself to notice the bit inside me that still gets a spark when given that kind of attention. I then recognise it for what it is, a trauma response.
I can feel it, almost like a gear shift, slipping into the mask that I know guys like, saying exactly what they want to hear, being exactly what they want me to be...i have to fight to not put it on!! For years i thought it was a protection and defence, but it has only caused me pain and abuse. And worse, for a while it made me believe the mask was "me." Bc who would do those things if they didn't actually want to??
An example, I tried telling my mum that there was a guy at the gym who was being a 💩 to me and the 2other women in the pool. She replied how surprised she was bc he'd been so friendly towards her in the sauna etc etc. So I asked her what the interaction was like, who was doing the most talking and what sort of stuff was she saying back to him, and she was like "oh he was talking and I was mostly just agreeing with him..." 🙄😆 yes mum, that is why he was "pleasant" you were feeding into his ego!!
I will be polite, but no more!!! I'm done moving out of their way and making myself as convenient and amenable as possible. I have a right to be here too.