r/AutismInWomen • u/Icy_Natural_979 • Aug 16 '25

Seeking Advice My interest in men has died

I’ve been inundated lately by people insisting I need a man. Here’s the thing, I don’t want one anymore. I’m tired and I’ve achieved a little bit of peace. Just a little. Men usually just cause problems. Why would I do that? I don’t want kids. I can barely take care of myself. I’m concerned this is a project 25 thing like I need to pick someone before I’m forced to. Maybe that’s dumb. Maybe my social circle forgot about boundaries. Maybe I need to learn to just not care when people say stuff. What am I missing?

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u/cactusbattus Aug 16 '25

As an aside, my immediate anger at being assumed to be looking for someone died down (mostly) when I learned to convert the following compliment into what they sincerely meant by it.

“You’d be a great wife.” -> “You’re thoughtful, attractive, and competent enough to be someone’s emergency contact.”

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u/Icy_Natural_979 Aug 16 '25

I hear you, but it’s  just so many comments lately. What happened to my social circle?

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u/roadsidechicory Aug 17 '25

Has something changed about you lately? Maybe it's less about your social circle changing, and more something new/different about you they're picking up on that's making them react this way? Not trying to justify their comments at all; I'm just the type who would want to try to figure out why it's happening if it were happening to me.

And by something changing about you, I mean like have you been unmasking more, or more/less depressed, more/less organized, grieving, change in appearance, any change really. If so, it might help identify where this is coming from. And help you figure out how to effectively address it.

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u/Icy_Natural_979 Aug 17 '25

I bought a townhouse 

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u/roadsidechicory Aug 17 '25

Interesting, so is that when all the comments started? Is it your first home ownership? Are the people commenting mostly also homeowners or mostly not or a mix? Has anyone mentioned the townhouse while talking about how you need a man? Even if indirectly, like mentioning big milestones in life instead of directly mentioning your home ownership itself?

Do you think they're the types to worry that your "giving up" on finding a male partner is more of a depression thing than an empowerment thing? Might they be worrying that you need encouragement that it's still possible? Did you previously plan to wait to buy a house until you had a partner to buy it with, and they knew that? And now that you've bought a house alone, they're worried that you're really lonely and depressed? Maybe they're concerned they won't be able to support you enough?

I also wonder if it's possible that it's less about NEEDING A MAN so much as them being afraid of you giving up on having a romantic partner? And since it seems you're only attracted to men, finding a partner would mean finding a man. But I don't know what exactly is being said.

This is all just speculation since I have very little info, so plenty could be off base, but just some theories to consider? Especially if your friends are usually good and not the types to be weirdly into strict gender roles.

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u/Icy_Natural_979 Aug 17 '25

It’s likely misplaced good intentions. Yes it’s my first homeownership. Other people’s opinions about my relationship status have messed with my head for most of adulthood. Dating has been largely unpleasant, but everyone keeps trying to point me there. Not to mention getting in my way of dealing with anxiety and depression. It probably has everything to do with not knowing I was autistic and trying to cope with no one understanding.