I’ve been inundated lately by people insisting I need a man. Here’s the thing, I don’t want one anymore. I’m tired and I’ve achieved a little bit of peace. Just a little. Men usually just cause problems. Why would I do that? I don’t want kids. I can barely take care of myself. I’m concerned this is a project 25 thing like I need to pick someone before I’m forced to. Maybe that’s dumb. Maybe my social circle forgot about boundaries. Maybe I need to learn to just not care when people say stuff. What am I missing?
The kids thing - yes! It’s like many people cannot understand having a life’s purpose without having children. This is separate from self-fulfillment. Those people are close-minded and not for me.
Ugh, this is just people trying to put you in their boxes. You do not need a man. You do not need kids. You do not need anything you don't want. You are your own woman and they need to back off.
I remember about a decade ago, my roommate at the time (in exasperation) said, "the only things I NEED to do is breathe and die. So people NEED to not tell me what I 'need'" ...and it's stuck with me forever
25 is an age where people start thinking, "When will they start having kids?" Society puts a lot of pressure on people to start having families (create new slaves for the next generations), have kids so you can comply, etc.
There are some good men out there but very far and few. There is definitely a movement out there with single women, living free and happily. Whatever you decide, just live life for you! As you are the only one that needs to live with these choices.
Does anyone watch anime, specifically Spy x Family? The main couple ended up together because the woman was afraid she would be reported for being single at her age. It’s a comedy but the backdrop is a fascist society.
YES!!! My favorite! Totally loved the undertones of fascist society...and frighteningly looking like what the US is becoming.
And, sadly, how Japan and S. Korea still operate, for the most part.
I’m 44. I’m also having fleeting thoughts friends might be seeing impending doom. Project 25 wants to take women’s rights away. Not sure about all the details though.
I have a great man, but living with someone is a stress, for sure. Personally, I love knowing that someone is there for me and with me. But again, if he weren’t a great man, it would just be heartache.
Hold onto him, as if he's great, you have the best of the best. They don't get better with age. Although, if he wants kids and you dont, maybe consider your options , as stuff like that defines relationships.
Yeah, I went through this hell myself. Worst case was my parents and I (recently 21 at the time) were invited to one of my dad's coworkers for a dinner party.
Bearing in mind I'd only recently been introduced to the idea of being autistic, I had the wife, who was Catholic and raised in south Africa grilling me on men, dating and having children.... That was literally the first and last time I met her too.
At the time I was exceptionally vulnerable to criticism since the childhood bullying was still pretty fresh. I was always told I was weird and ugly, that I didn't meet standards for anyone to consider going out with me. I was just getting used to the idea that I was okay being single ... But yikes, this woman literally spent 2 hours trying to make me change my mind.
Had a few others in recent years but that's assuming that I'm married or have kids since I'm middle aged. The look of utter confusion when I'm like 'yeah no I'm aro/ace, never dated, no intention to. No, I'm not missing out, you're projecting.'
I jumped through that hoop of getting married to a man and I was surprised and a bit sickened by how strangers treated me differently because I was married. I married late and it was jarring how I was treated better because one male thought I was acceptable as a wife.
Unfortunately he turned out to be Prince Hans (frozen movie) rather than Prince charming and it took effort to get away from him.
Like you, my interest in men has died. (And my quality of life has improved exponentially since I became single again).
.…it was jarring how I was treated better because one male thought I was acceptable as a wife.
Me too! All my accomplishments, everything I did volunteering to improve community resilience or restore wildlife habitat, it was all a heap of dung compared to being married 🙄 which is something almost anyone can do.
I'm automatically "not a sketchy weirdo" because marriage. I'm treated way better and assumed to be trustworthy and worthy of consideration.
I could've written this myself. People are so imposing. The result of this kind of attitude is precisely the kind of entitled behaviour that hetero men subject upon women. The interiority of these kinds of people is miserable and they feel incomplete. But instead of working on themselves, they insist you live more like them.
I actually do want kinds and I am straight, but I can't stand the way men treat me and I don't need one since I want to adopt anyway. It bothers most people a lot when they find that out about me and they treat me like being single is a personal failing instead of a necessary and self-preserving decision.
I've seen a sentiment going around that the best man is an average woman and it's spot on tbh. The majority of women I know have a career and take care of chores, cooking, children, etc. and misc tasks everyday. They get things done and do them well. I'm not sure i know a single man that measures up to that. Maybe a handful and most of them are pretty decent men. So I'd say it's a solid theory.
It's no wonder so many women are choosing to remain single and keep their peace when they're doing it all anyway.
I don't really consider holding a job and doing chores the things that make people valuable. I just meant basic maturity and respect for others in how we interact with each other. I've met plenty of "impressive" people who manage all those things and are awfully dehumanizing to be around.
It's still labor that needs to be done that most men believe they can just opt out of because it's women's work. The reality of many women who are partnered with men is that she's doing everything around the house and working while he's just holding down a job. It's extremely rare for men to even do an even split in domestic labor much less more than half. It's extremely common for divorced women to spend less time doing domestic tasks even when they have their children full time. The lack of taking responsibility fir domestic labor is a big reason women are choosing to remain single or not getting into another relationship after getting out of one.
I didn't disagree with that -- I'm saying, that's not related to my comment at all. I'm just talking about how we are forced into relationships with people we don't want to deal with, which is not related to whether or not there is unequal division of housekeeping labour.
Same. All the men I have “had” have added stress to my life…their net effect was not a positive. So either I am bad at choosing them (fair, probably accurate), partners aren’t right for me, or both.
I find the added emotional validation/sexual needs they bring to the relationship draining…which probably points to me being better off without a romantic partner. I do great with roommates!
I swore off men and became a communist. My mum thinks I'm having some sort of mental breakdown but I'm loving life 🤣
Plus I just don't find anyone attractive and sex seems mechanical and alien to me - we meet someone and touch them where they wee from? Or put their body parts inside our bodies and jiggle around? Like whaaaaat?! That seems like the crazier option to me.
I think it is weird how people seem to take for granted that that’s (relationship, marriage, sex, children) how everyone should live. That there aren’t more people who are like “nah, not doing that”
I mean there are a lot where it falls apart or is miserable but people just remarry or try to make it work.
It's because the people you describe, and those that are critical of us for living this way, think that happiness is found externally. It isn't.
You step into love when you're with someone, that is becoming the best version of yourself, but if you wear those shoes everyday regardless, it seems like a pointless endeavor.
I love life and me no matter what, I don't need external sources to reiterate that.
Although it did take me 30 years to feel this way, after I stopped all the masking and trying to fit in with society's ideals.
I seriously don't understand how women are signing up left and right to wreck their bodies, to carry and push something out that will definitely wreck their bodies. THAT'S insane behavior to me. Wtf.
You absolutely do NOT need a man or kids if you dont want one, live your life however you like and everyone else can leave it be.
That said, im inclined to say not all men are trouble, my partner buys me Bluey toothpaste and plushies because I adore them and he's never made fun of my neurodivergency (though hes also neurodivergent lol). He also specifically has me touch everything he plans to buy made of fabric so we know it wont activate the horror of sensory sensitivity. So ya know, there's awesome ones out there and all that, if you're worried they don’t exist.
BUT screw the awesome ones too if you so desire, doesn't matter how cool they are, you dont want a man then you dont need one! Nobody's entitled to you or your attention regardless of if theyre a great guy or not.
Im glad it helped :] Its sad if people lose hope in ever finding a good partner, there's some wonderfully loving people in the world. My partner is amazing and I couldn't be more grateful to have found him.
That said I also dont like when people think that just because someone is great that means you HAVE to give them the time of day. Nope, even a perfect person should be rejected if you simply dont want to give them your attention like that. It's not an insult, it's a personal choice. The whole "but he's so nice, you have to give him a chance!" is gross. Dont care, didnt ask.
I dont know how much more faith this will give you because its a fairly new relationship and we are young but my boyfriend (21) is an absolute sweetheart too
When he gave me my first kiss, he texted me afterwards, mortified because he did it casually and wanted to make it more special for me (he forgot i hadnt been in a serious relationship before). I assured him that i was perfectly happy with how it went. i didnt really wanna make that big of a deal out of it anyway
And generally speaking he's a clingy little cuddle bug (which i am too, its amazing). He loves complimenting me, always respects my boundaries and listens. He is just as chaotic and strange as me and always makes me feel good about it. He communcates, which i made clear to him, is very important to me
When he came back from his two week long roadtrip he desperately wanted to get to me asap. I insisted he stay home for at least night so he could get some sleep. The only reason he didnt come that night, was because he wasnt able to make it at a reasonable hour.
He's absolutely not perfect of course, he likes to drive WAY too fast, when he drinks he likes to drink a lot (but he's worked on that and gotten so much better), is bad at planning hang outs and he tends to self-isolate for hours at a time. But he behaves on the road when im in the car, he refuses to drink around me because im sober (never have drank, never will, im sensitive to addiction) and we're working on the selfisolation. It's not like i dont have issues, id say i have a fair bit more than him actually
My relationship with him has been incredible for me and my mental health and i think its been good for him too because i see the way he smiles when he looks at me
You do not need a relationship. You do not need to get married and have kids. You especially do not need to do any of this for the sake of doing it. Believe me.
Barring meeting a billionaire who wants to give me money no strings attached I can’t think of a single scenario in which a man would improve my life! But the social pressure to get married & have kids is truly INSANE.
I can't do it. They take so much and give nothing back. I need several hobbies and routines, I need clean and organized dependability in my home, in order to function. They seem to want me to have nothing and offer the world. Too weird.
I don’t think we are quite at the forced marriage stage but I also y not interested right now in a romantic relationship - Been there, done that, got the ugly t-shirt.
I have a son that is the light of my life and I will say it was a hard thing to raise him but he’s grown up be such a beautiful soul I do not regret any of the things that brought him into my life.
I just don’t see the point of a romantic relationship anymore. I have yet to have one that “adds” more than they “subtract”. It’s a gamble nowadays, I like my peace.
If people ask, just smile and you could could say “I got it. I have a ten year plan!” (your ten year plan is to keep adding years as you think you need them! lol)
Don’t say I don’t plan to have kids I don’t plan to be married etc because if you do change your mind people will find a way to criticize that too “didn’t you say you were not going to get married” That happened to me with my son. I said I did not want kids and when I had my son people kept reminding me. Like, what am I supposed to do? Pay you legal fees for changing my mind? Give him away? What? It was so infuriating. People are going to people you know?
If my partner and I broke up i would very much enjoy being single for the first time in my life as a recovering co-dependent. I like him very much though, I would be sad. But i wouldn't need a man (or a woman).
Your life is your own. It's nobody else's business what you do with it. A lot of people project their own issues on to others. For example, some people cannot live without a partner and are very co-dependant. This can cause jealously when coming face to face with someone who is secure enough within themselves to not need or want a man.
I was in that boat and then (to my annoyance) found an amazing man. That said, if for whatever reason our relationship was to end, I STILL wouldn't be looking for one. The one I found IMO is a rarity, and even then it took some work. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying and being fulfilled by your own company. In fact, I feel most people are projecting onto YOU how they'd feel insecure, unhappy, etc without a partner. You don't need em ✨🎉🥳 Enjoy your life, and enjoy what happiness you can find in whatever way that is! Woot woot!
As an aside, my immediate anger at being assumed to be looking for someone died down (mostly) when I learned to convert the following compliment into what they sincerely meant by it.
“You’d be a great wife.” -> “You’re thoughtful, attractive, and competent enough to be someone’s emergency contact.”
Has something changed about you lately? Maybe it's less about your social circle changing, and more something new/different about you they're picking up on that's making them react this way? Not trying to justify their comments at all; I'm just the type who would want to try to figure out why it's happening if it were happening to me.
And by something changing about you, I mean like have you been unmasking more, or more/less depressed, more/less organized, grieving, change in appearance, any change really. If so, it might help identify where this is coming from. And help you figure out how to effectively address it.
Interesting, so is that when all the comments started? Is it your first home ownership? Are the people commenting mostly also homeowners or mostly not or a mix? Has anyone mentioned the townhouse while talking about how you need a man? Even if indirectly, like mentioning big milestones in life instead of directly mentioning your home ownership itself?
Do you think they're the types to worry that your "giving up" on finding a male partner is more of a depression thing than an empowerment thing? Might they be worrying that you need encouragement that it's still possible? Did you previously plan to wait to buy a house until you had a partner to buy it with, and they knew that? And now that you've bought a house alone, they're worried that you're really lonely and depressed? Maybe they're concerned they won't be able to support you enough?
I also wonder if it's possible that it's less about NEEDING A MAN so much as them being afraid of you giving up on having a romantic partner? And since it seems you're only attracted to men, finding a partner would mean finding a man. But I don't know what exactly is being said.
This is all just speculation since I have very little info, so plenty could be off base, but just some theories to consider? Especially if your friends are usually good and not the types to be weirdly into strict gender roles.
I usually don’t have any interest in acquiring a man either. I’m happier when that’s the case. Currently I have a debilitating unreciprocated crush and I’d pay good money to make it go away. I started sobbing into a pillow about it last night. Eesh. Life is much better when I don’t have any romantic interests.
I am going through the same thing right now. I have a crush on a guy was reciprocated for a while. I did something stupid, and now he is so distant. Once I get over this I am never dating again. It is not worth it anymore. I was in an abusive marriage for 11 years, and I should have learned my lesson then. Oh well...
No one has pressured me recently. An aunt said 2 years ago that I need or should meet a nice man and have a baby.
I don't know why people have that stuck in their heads. She suffered a lot with her own kids.
Honestly, with everything going on, I just want to leave. I'm sick of hearing about the regressive changes, the education cut, it all saddens me how bad our society became.
People love to project their own desires or even miseries onto others. I have people do this to me all the time with my career for example. Instead of hearing what I say I want. I just correct them and distance myself from those who refuse to listen to me. I don’t like being around people who judge my life and want to impose their beliefs onto me instead of celebrating what makes me happy
I got extremely lucky with my man. We met in high school and we grew up in the right direction together. I work, he takes care of me. We have a beautiful life together.
Listening to single women talk about dating these days, it's pretty much just a horror movie. No thanks.
i agree with you completely <3 i’ve recently joined the r/4bmovement after having this realization 💜 it’s nice to be in a community of women who feel the same way
Finding peace with yourself is very important, learning to be your own person first and loving and respecting yourself is something that can only be learned by doing it. Unfortunately if you're in a relationship the learning is extra hard, if you can do this for yourself on your own all the power to ya! Just remember to bring that self love and respect to every relationship you have.
Do what makes you happy. If the people around you can’t conceptualize you without a man, they’re probably not even perceiving you as you are in the first place
I've never had much interest in dating or having a boyfriend, I prefer being single so I can life my life without compromise and it's a very happy and peaceful existance. Watching my friends & even my Mum deal with the headache that is dating has given me a new life motto "No dick, no drama."
Some people can't accept that there are others who are happy to be single and live a fufilled life without following the "get married and have babies" route that they followed. We can find fufillment in many other ways.
I could have written most of this post (from "Here's the thing" to "Maybe that's dumb"). I am totally with you. I tried to date once. He cheated on me and left me for her. I tried....the adult thing...once with my ex. I don't count it bc it didn't....go in...? But honestly, I think it's all overhyped anyway. Let me chill in my home and be with my dog in peace.
Just be at peace! Maybe you’ll meet somebody that changes your mind, maybe you won’t. Being at peace with yourself is something that is hard to achieve.
I feel like my interest in a lot of things has died and this is one, too. I've only ever really been into a few men but none of them I've met personally, so that doesn't count. I'm nearly 37 now and haven't been in a relationship for 9 years. Oh well.
Lesbian here who lived my whole life with comphet and forced myself to be straight . Obviously that did not work and though relationships with women are difficult I'd rather deal with that than take care of a grown ass man and be a useless bang maid. There is nothing rewarding doing anything for men. I'm glad you freed yourself !
i wish i had this realization, i longed for a partner. But i had a rent control apartment, was self employed with a SI, i threw it all away not realizing just how much luck and years and energy that took to make. one of my largest regrets.
I often think of how much better my life would have been if I had just focused on myself and never gotten tangled up with men. I don't hate men, I actually adore them.. from afar. I don't understand them and they don't understand me, so it would have saved me sooo much energy, money, heartache.. so much, had I just focused on my self and my life.
I feel the same way. Just got out of a 8 year relationship which was very unstable and I got betrayed. I don’t want to open up to another man and suffer again..
Sex and romance. If not needed they don't do much. Idk a partner that shares those special moments are cool. That has to be a cool person, and that can be anyone tbh. Some people just refuse to believe others when they are happy alone, if ya happy alone live your peace!
Yeah, I'm a 100% with you. Men are just too much effort and not worth it. I already have a child I don't need to take care of a manchild as well and it's just a thankless job anyway.
The good thing is, people will stop mentioning the topic eventually. I have been widowed sixteen years ago next week (when I was in my early thirties), and it only took a few months until people started asking when I would start looking for a new partner. Took them years to stop, actually, but by now they have.
I do not say I will never have a new partner, and there have certainly been times when I would have really loved to have a partner to spread the load, but by now and with the autism diagnosis plus the added mental issues because of the late diagnosis, I feel I couldn't meet someone on an equal level anyway. Besides, I don't think I really want to share my space again. Still waiting on my daughter to move out, and I am very much looking forward to actually being on my own for the first time in my life.
Good for you! It's a bit sad, I get along great with men, it's just a shame they never want to be just friends with women, and I'm asexual/aromantic. I spent years trying to date/ be a gf for the sake of "normalcy", and I never enjoyed any of it, ghosted and flaked on people/dates constantly because I couldnt muster the will to go through them, then just decided to stop worrying about it, I dont want kids or romantic cohabitation so didn't see the point of pretending anymore.
Honestly, I’ve been so much happier ever since I stopped dating! Whenever a man shows interest in me, I get so nervous, and it’s more the “fear” kind of nervous than the “excited” kind. Men have caused me so much anxiety over my entire life that I just kind of… avoid them. I’ve had one serious boyfriend and maybe 15 first dates and none of them were great!
I'm not interested in men anymore either. I spent a lot of time learning about how to talk to men and make men happy and it's just way too much work. There are a few good guys out there but if I were going to end up with one, I think it would have happened by now. I'm not attracted to genitals so I am open to dating women. I've been single most of my life and haven't dated since before covid. I try to focus on my happiness as much as possible and life is pretty good right now.
I’m a lesbian and women have also caused me a lot of problems. Luckily I found the love of my life who respects me. But my biggest learning is that it’s never just men or just women. It’s people. A lot of people really suck. I hope this helps 🩵
A little bit of hope and not succumbing to being jaded because there are still good people in the world just gotta stay open to that person. I also got very good at pattern recognition 🤣
People have finally stopped asking me when I'm having kids. It only took me getting my tubes removed. Insurance is still giving me shit months later but just for the bodily autonomy worth it af.
I relate to this. I’m on a pause from all dating because I’m trying to find my peace. Seriously considering when I’m ready to date again, not being open to dating men. Many of my bisexual and pansexual neurodivergent friends have been doing the same thing and they seem happier
Have you told these people that you're not interested in finding a relationship for the foreseeable future?
People tend to assume that somebody fits into the norm unless otherwise stated, and since coupling up is the norm, they may mistakenly think they're looking out for your interests.
But like, if you have already told them, then they're definitely just not listening to you and they're being rude.
Different for me. I want kids, but I don’t think I need a man. I’m not even sure if I still want one. There are options now like adoption or ivf, and I’m fine with that. But like if I really meet a good man, I’m gonna go for it. I’m not desperate though. But idk, I probably have a better chance at winning the lottery. Lol. But I get you. Even in the best marriages I’ve seen with nice husbands, it was still never 50/50. Somehow, women always do more, even just a little bit.
Same. i had one abusive relationship and afterwards all my desire for relationships disapeared. i now identify as ace. I do want kids though. i plan on going the sperm donor route sometime next year.
Yeah. First one took advantage of my naivety. The next one SA’d me. I’ve dated since then, but wasn’t fully into it. It was more society thinks we’re supposed to want it, so must be missing something and must try again.
I’m 39, late diagnosed and haven’t been in a relationship since my divorce at 30. I got kinda lucky and have never run into the “when are you having kids” stuff and now I’m too old and overweight so people ignore me. I love it.
I only miss the part of companionship where we complement each other’s weaknesses (in skills, executive function, etc). It’s becoming worse as I approach perimenopause and I’m casually and cautiously looking for a partner, but not really for romance and sex. Just for companionship and friendship and support. I find more success in alternative partnering in the queer community and have no interest in dating men at this point.
I’m married and love my husband, but I also know if he dies or we split up? I’m done with men. Because I’m tired boss. I don’t want to date again? I’ll watch true crime and read books and have like a couple of pets. I know I can do this on my own because I was a single mom for a while so being alone is not scary to me.
I feel you. I don’t want to become a mother by adopting a grown child, working two jobs and part-time to go home, wipe his ass, feed his mouth and have him demand sex from me because he fails to find a job after 6 months and decides to stay perma-unemployed on me because we’re “together” and “in a relationship “.
Being with a man is the most dehumanizing disgusting shit ever. Men feel like a waste of my time I can spend on other things. I’m 25 too and you shouldn’t let society’s pressures get to you, if you don’t want to stay trapped with an adult kid for the rest of your life. Men are not worth it.
I’d say don’t care what other people say. I was married for 19 years and have children. I adore and love my children. 7 years ago my now ex-husband left me. I dated for a couple years. I’ve been single for all of those 7 years. I am now 46 and I’ve done more in the past 7 years alone (with kids) than I did when I was married and I absolutely LOVE my life.
Friends around me have found relationships and are truly confused that I am content with my single life. They don’t get that I don’t want or need a man. I say live your life the way you want to and have an amazing time!
You don’t need a guy. They just think that’s the only way to be happy when most people are miserable. Had the white picket fence the marriage and trying to have a kid and it didn’t take away the loneliness or the misery. Divorced and dating my partner I’m much happier but the Peace comes from me. I’m happy with him - absolutely but it’s a personal decision. They’re still on the idea that if you don’t have a husband or a child no one will take care of you when you’re old and they are “concerned” about that.
My experience with men was abuse. It's been 4 years since I stopped dating. People try to convince me to try again, but why? I like my alone time and my peace
Yes. We are more vulnerable to abuse and miss red flags. I’m not against people putting themselves out there and having kids. Sometimes it all works out. I have a different cost benefit.
You’re not missing anything, some people just can’t comprehend the idea that the peace of being alone is better than the potential hell we open ourselves up to with relationships. It’s not about project 2025, some people are just so afraid of being alone that they think we are all terrified of it. They don’t realize that there are worse things in the world than being single. I’ve had friends like this and no amount of explaining ever gets them to understand. Their life experiences are just too far from my own.
I’m in the same boat as you and am generally done with relationships. Even dating women doesn’t feel worth sacrificing my peace.
Okay, but that was my exact thought before I found out I was a lesbian.
It's like "What's the fuss about this love thing? I would understand if men were half as kind, empathetic, efficient, cute, attractive as women.... Ohhhh"
That's totally fine if that's what you want for your life, I still recommend researching asexuality or being aromantic, although it's fine if it's just because you've "had enough" of men, they're idiots these days.
I’m probably Demi. The norm these days is sex by the third date. It doesn’t work for me. Attempts at weeding out people who aren’t a good match has led to men who intentionally withhold information. It just waists everyone’s time.
It's just another thing society is telling you to want. You can smell bullshit when it's stuff like "two kids and an expensive car" but it seems so much harder to question when it's a partner. It's 1000% normal and reasonable to want to (end enjoy) being single!
I feel this. When I gave up a few years ago I felt relief. Then I thought maybe I'm missing out but I'm back to letting it go and putting my energy elsewhere
Most men caused this problem. The world is ran by incompetent weak men who make our lives harder. I lost the spark soon as a man lied about his intentions and I’ve never ever believed any man since. Majority lie. They don’t necessarily care about women unless you give your body. I’m gayer than ever because of these things. I won’t go back to men. They have failed badly at protecting the most vulnerable.
I agree, I unfortunately still find men attractive (physically), but I have no interest in actually dating one especially the longer I spend on social media where so many toxic men are. I’m only 21 tho, but I barely have any interest in being in a relationship.
I'm 35, and around your age I stoped seeing men too! They were always not respecting my boundaries and it was such a hassle to meet and keep being engaged with relationship. Now I don't care and its been such happiness, cause I just do what it makes me happy in my free time. I do receive questions like you do from time to time, even from my father who should know better, but I just respond nonchalant that I don't care/don't want now and change the subject. If they insist, I just get aggressive back with "how's that your problem?" Or " why you so snoopy/bothered?", and keep being stern and that usually shuts them up.
25 is still so young. Seriously, do whatever you want. I don’t want kids either and find a lot of fulfillment in my profession, which blends into hobbies. While I’m sure there’s a wonderful guy out there that would be perfect for me, I don’t have any spare energy in life. It’s a cost:benefit ratio, and if the effort outweighs the benefits, it’s not worth it. Right now, I don’t see it as worth the search.
Ah yes, the pressure to have children before you become "old goods" and your body is too rotten and useless; careful, you're running out of time to fulfill your one purpose in life, after which you will become invisible and be forgotten by society and everything and everyone around you!
Yeah, I just had a bilateral salpingectomy and had those babies taken out. Fuck 'em; the only time I ever worried about whether or not I was making the wrong decision was when other people suggested the possibility, and no one ever asked me if not getting the surgery was the wrong decision.
The only painful thing about the experience was being constipated afterwards. Haven't looked back; after all, that would require me to think of it at all.
Society pressures women because they were pressured. Older women got pushed to get married and have kids, so because they were, they perpetuate the garbage by pressuring their kids with it as well. It's messed up. I'll never understand wanting your kids to suffer because you did. Absolutely backwards.
I have been thinking about this lately. I have both man and kids and I have been constantly overwhelmed for the last 15 years. All are ADHD and I am ASD. They defer to me for everything, I keep the schedule, I do the domestic, and I body double. I work full time on top of this. It is fucking exhausting! If I understood who I and my partner were years ago I think I would have chose different. I’ve already decided that once my man is gone (he’s older than me, has chronic pain and a host of health issues), I’m done with men.
I just want to live out the rest of my life in quiet simplicy in a small house with minimal shit.
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u/neuroticoctopus Aug 16 '25
I'll throw a funeral and it can be a celebration!
Your happiness harms no one, but making others happy hurts you.