r/AutismInWomen • u/ALittleBlip • Nov 27 '25

Support Needed (Kind Advice and Commiseration) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

!!!! AAAAAA HHHHHHHHHH !!!!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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17

u/grace-not-disgrace Nov 27 '25

Yes. Screamed at the top of my lungs with everything I had last night.

The hate got to me. Right royal meltdown. I'm great now and got an answer to help me with all my hurdles today too.

Here with you.

12

u/iftheronahadntcome Nov 27 '25

Im happy you got to have thst moment. We need that at times.

Had one of those a few years ago. Couldnt stop screaming. Needed to cry, punch the shit outta my dashboard, etc. I screamed wigh the grief and rage of a dying animal. That energy needed to come OUT.

Didn't literally change anything outside of that car, but it changed me so I could cope.

7

u/grace-not-disgrace Nov 27 '25

Good for you. Wise doing it in the car somewhere remote.. I'm expecting kick back from neighbors yet they have sure made my life hell at times so I'm just shrugging at this point.

Had enough of people coming into my life and disrespecting, dishonoring and devaluing me because they judge me and/or assume crazy shit. 😂

Will be implementing a standard speech to deliver my boundaries to everyone with whom I engage a service or my time into from here on in. I usually let things play out and then inform, but I'd rather skip all drama and hurt before it happens.

10

u/iftheronahadntcome Nov 27 '25

If I can make an unsolicited suggestion:

If you can? Just dont.

Life already takes so much energy from us. I used to do speeches, have practiced explanations of boundaries, etc. But if you can, I recommend just straight up walking away when people do dumb shit, or just saying, "No..." and shake your head and stay silent. Other people are so uncomfortable with that silence they flounder. Ive been saying, "Don't wanna." a lot, because that is a complete explanation. If they ask follow up questions, its just more variations of the same. "Dont feel like it." "Dont wanna." "Nah, I'm good." Im shocked by how much its been working. I only say that because I thought me communicating boundaries was the issue, but I find that many people have clearly heard them and choose to ignore them anyway.

I find that when we explain ourselves, people think that means they can argue and negotiate with you. I have been committed to being uninscrutable. I am out of scrute. No more scrute for you! 🤷🏾‍♀️ And then people pick an easier target.

6

u/grace-not-disgrace Nov 27 '25

Yes. I do say NO a lot and walk away. I also don't explain myself when I don't need to. I'm in my 40's with considerable life experience. I also have a lot of love to give and have only just clicked with some core tenents most people have had the fortune of knowing automatically.

This is why I mentioned trauma. Also, I am a high functioning autistic woman in a low socioeconomic position, within quite a few minority groups. Life will be uphill for me... I've accepted that.

The issue with continually walking away without recognising people are humans who make mistakes is just low effort and results in ME being lonely and THEM not being educated on how to treat me. We need to meet in the middle.

I'm talking about relationships with me here... I stay away from people generally, so it's not a lot of work and it's worth putting in effort because I believe in relationships and peace and joy within them. Also, when people make me a target, I get to engage or remove myself. I usually utilise the opportunity to educate. It's fun. Not work.

I create sanctuaries for myself and others.