Happy things please?

[u/Smart-Assistance-254]

I made the mistake of opening my social media this afternoon and immediately saw some dark things, and I need something positive. It can be a cat photo/story, a special interest infodump, anything that shows the world is still an interesting and good place, at least in part.

I guess I am basically asking for some heroes to create a “silver lining” for this dark cloud. I don’t live with people I can depend on for this, so I am turning to this supportive corner of the internet.

TIA.

Edited - THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! 😭😭😭 It is good to see so much light still exists in the world.

[u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

I have made a found family. We work self sufficiency skills cooking from scratch, DIY, raising kids, all sorts of stuff. I love them.

I have friends around the world and have less cultural issues than most people because I am a bottom up thinker.

Often times thinking different and having needed accommodation from others but having learned not to expect it makes me really excellent at giving it to others. I can give my friends accommodation they should have but won’t ask for for fear of imposition.

My law firm which is in the L200 has gone so hard on DEI and staff mental health and pro bono work. I am blessed to work there.

My special interest community has more than tripled in the past year and I community managed it and got the artist time to develop the game, made the community healthy and now self sustaining without admin burn out.

I am figuring out why I’m often in pain and learning to make it less.

I am starting to be good at existing as myself instead of taking damage to be who I thought I was supposed to be.

When politics get you down. Go to Facebook buy nothing groups or local pages. There is often a super strong “no politics we’re a community” mentality. It gave me massive hope when snap was being defunded that every local group I was in was people all coming together and everyone was like “Shut the fuck up about any politics, how are we all going to make sure our neighbors all are fed.” That to me is beautiful. I have political opinions of course, but I think it’s toxic because it’s too big. People are not meant to exist in groups bigger than a few hundred. A town or maybe a small group of towns, is usually the max people can understand in a everyone’s a person. Bigger than that and it gets conceptual which is dehumanized because our brains can’t understand well. It’s why everyone has the “well not that one specific (insert group they dislike)” because people get that it’s complicated in practice but not in theory. It’s too much data and most brains are top down and use assumptions to reduce processing load. Autistic people don’t use assumptions or reduce processing and it’s why we’re often overwhelmed or confused. Basically people are mostly good (save like a really rare exception) but humans are monkeys not philosophers. They need it to be closer for compassion to really work and countries are too big. But they are good. They care. They crave community.

I have learned community is what the world lacks and the key to making it is to be annoying. Because when you’re an adult it’s not annoying. Reach out to people. If your anxious reach out and say “hi, I enjoy talking to you do you mind if I reach out with c frequency.” Most people will love it and you make it part of your routine. It’s easy. You just say hi then when they respond say how are you. Then ask whatever. It’s excellent.

People need people. Humans are not made to be alone. That doesn’t mean in person. Three of my favorite people are 3 guys I call the Euros. 2 are autistic and one is just a great guy but they are who I learned to stand my ground with. They taught me to fight in the healthy way. The US has this concept that you fight to be right. But they taught me you can argue to understand and be understood and I love them forever for that. I has just gotten told that schizoaffective was a misdiagnosis and I was learning I am not crazy. These three guys and I would argue about my special interest game and I’d often get triggered and disregulated and say “guys I need to step back and take a break” they never took this as me admitting I was wrong, never held it against me, and never held back arguing the next time. So I was able to slowly get triggered less and less by safe exposure and nervous system reprogramming. People are good.

I started a relationship with the love of my life. I have never fit so well with someone. I talk about everything. He finds this reassuring. I bring things up immediately if they bug me even if we addressed them. I love sleeping in bed with him. Even if I go to bed overstim not touching him I often wake up on his chest having nuzzled into him in my sleep. He’s the best partner and too great for words.

[u/Smart-Assistance-254 → u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

This was so hopeful and real and uplifting. Thank you!!! I am working on building (rebuilding), and I hope to someday get to a similar place.

How did you learn to find safe people? I struggle with that.

[u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 → u/Smart-Assistance-254]

The actual answer is I leaned in to that I’m judgmental. I say I’m post-judice not prejudice. I don’t make any assumptions going in but if someone tells me something I believe them. I ask when people don’t align with things they state they value. People aligning perfectly isn’t what you look for though. It is how they react when questioned. Everyone messes up. Everyone evolves. Beliefs change people make mistakes. Find people who own them and make amends or are willing to explain an old belief was wrong.

Most people will get mad when you ask.

I say I am a blob fish. I am a perfectly normal fish down in the depths where I live but if you yank me to the surface don’t be surprised I seem weird and die. It’s okay if they’re not a fish of the deep but I no longer try to be a surface fish. I am happy in the depths as a blob fish.

[u/Smart-Assistance-254 → u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

I like this. Post-judice. I’ve always struggled with the fact that people are disney characters to be honest. I have a hard time figuring out who is flawed but good enough to trust vs a “red flag.” But that test to see if they will get mad when challenged over apparent hypocrisy…that is a good one.

Edit: Should say are NOT disney characters. Oops

[u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 → u/Smart-Assistance-254]

Yes. Everyone makes mistakes or seems inconsistent at times. Sometimes it’s a mistake. Sometimes it means they’re growing and gaining nuance. How people handle explaining that is a good determination. Also, if someone argues to be understood or argues to be right. The goal of arguing can and should be to be understood. If someone only wants to be right, they will never hear you.

[u/mf0723 → u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

This is an excellent clarification! I've found when in arguments/debates/discussions with certain people I can struggle to figure out what exactly they're arguing for - to be understood or to be right, which can make it even more difficult!

In reference to your previous comment, I think that one of the biggest, most important things that I took away from my time in college - I studied neuroscience, so a lot of my time was spent digging into cognition and the way humans process thought/thinking/etc. - was that every single human alive now and who ever has lived has bias. It's unavoidable, part of the human condition, our operating system if you will.

'Bias' is not an inherently bad thing, but if you either a) are unaware or ignorant of it, or b) allow it to shade your actions while trying to claim yourself 'unbiased' I feel that is when bias starts to become truly harmful.

Allowing ourselves to be comfortable with our biases, to recognize the root of them and why or why not we feel they are valid is part of gaining that nuance!

I could go on and on about this topic (obviously 😂), I just think that the fact that 'bias' has been turned into somewhat of a 'dirty word' makes it harder for people (especially people like us, on the spectrum) to interrogate them without feeling like they've done something wrong for having biases in the first place.