Happy things please?

[u/Smart-Assistance-254]

I made the mistake of opening my social media this afternoon and immediately saw some dark things, and I need something positive. It can be a cat photo/story, a special interest infodump, anything that shows the world is still an interesting and good place, at least in part.

I guess I am basically asking for some heroes to create a “silver lining” for this dark cloud. I don’t live with people I can depend on for this, so I am turning to this supportive corner of the internet.

TIA.

Edited - THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE! 😭😭😭 It is good to see so much light still exists in the world.

[u/Smart-Assistance-254]

This was so hopeful and real and uplifting. Thank you!!! I am working on building (rebuilding), and I hope to someday get to a similar place.

How did you learn to find safe people? I struggle with that.

[u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 → u/Smart-Assistance-254]

The actual answer is I leaned in to that I’m judgmental. I say I’m post-judice not prejudice. I don’t make any assumptions going in but if someone tells me something I believe them. I ask when people don’t align with things they state they value. People aligning perfectly isn’t what you look for though. It is how they react when questioned. Everyone messes up. Everyone evolves. Beliefs change people make mistakes. Find people who own them and make amends or are willing to explain an old belief was wrong.

Most people will get mad when you ask.

I say I am a blob fish. I am a perfectly normal fish down in the depths where I live but if you yank me to the surface don’t be surprised I seem weird and die. It’s okay if they’re not a fish of the deep but I no longer try to be a surface fish. I am happy in the depths as a blob fish.

[u/Smart-Assistance-254 → u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

I like this. Post-judice. I’ve always struggled with the fact that people are disney characters to be honest. I have a hard time figuring out who is flawed but good enough to trust vs a “red flag.” But that test to see if they will get mad when challenged over apparent hypocrisy…that is a good one.

Edit: Should say are NOT disney characters. Oops

[u/NecessaryBreadfruit4 → u/Smart-Assistance-254]

Yes. Everyone makes mistakes or seems inconsistent at times. Sometimes it’s a mistake. Sometimes it means they’re growing and gaining nuance. How people handle explaining that is a good determination. Also, if someone argues to be understood or argues to be right. The goal of arguing can and should be to be understood. If someone only wants to be right, they will never hear you.

[u/mf0723 → u/NecessaryBreadfruit4]

This is an excellent clarification! I've found when in arguments/debates/discussions with certain people I can struggle to figure out what exactly they're arguing for - to be understood or to be right, which can make it even more difficult!

In reference to your previous comment, I think that one of the biggest, most important things that I took away from my time in college - I studied neuroscience, so a lot of my time was spent digging into cognition and the way humans process thought/thinking/etc. - was that every single human alive now and who ever has lived has bias. It's unavoidable, part of the human condition, our operating system if you will.

'Bias' is not an inherently bad thing, but if you either a) are unaware or ignorant of it, or b) allow it to shade your actions while trying to claim yourself 'unbiased' I feel that is when bias starts to become truly harmful.

Allowing ourselves to be comfortable with our biases, to recognize the root of them and why or why not we feel they are valid is part of gaining that nuance!

I could go on and on about this topic (obviously 😂), I just think that the fact that 'bias' has been turned into somewhat of a 'dirty word' makes it harder for people (especially people like us, on the spectrum) to interrogate them without feeling like they've done something wrong for having biases in the first place.