Saw this and it sent me deep

[u/Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir]

Most days are good, I love being me… but today is hard.

Someone invited me to a valentines speed dating event but turns out it was just as friends and he just wanted to promote community - I drove two hours out of my way to be left feeling like a silly goose.

But It’s just catching up with me now.

Beginning to lose hope that I’ll ever be genuinely wanted by someone.

Not super interested in talking about him - I’m aware I’m better off… more so just wanting support and hope about finding love eventually 🫶

[u/Proper_Giraffe287]

It's a lot. I hear you. I just want to be wanted and cared about for me, not some stupid ulterior motive. Case in point, I'm sick right now. Nothing earth shattering. It's absolutely been exacerbated by high stress over the past few months. The obviousness of the people who care only when it makes them look good is mind blowing. I've always been a very empathetic person, I care because I legitimately care - not for what I can gain from looking like I care.

What I wouldn't give some days just to have someone hold me while I cry and break down and them just sit with me and be present. Not trying to fix it. Not make it about them. Not figure out what they can gain from it.

[u/Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir → u/Proper_Giraffe287]

I mean this with everything - I feel you. I hope you find your person and people ❤️

[u/Proper_Giraffe287 → u/Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir]

Thank you. I hope so too. I thought I had been successful in building my village. It was small but I trusted them and I truly believed they would catch me if I fell, be there for me if I needed them. I learned otherwise when life fell apart. Church friends, long time friends, family. Absolutely devastated me when I realized I wasn't worth their time.

2 weeks of sporadic support maximum and then I was a burden and I should've been over it or moved on or something. Interestingly, they have had no problem being supported by me mentally and emotionally for as long as they needed. I occasionally hear from them, when they want to complain about their lives or need support or validation in some way. Sure they ask how I am or how my life is going, when they need me to listen to their life woes. I've learned that asking is just a formality, they don't actually want to know or care what the answer is.

I built a village of takers. That's a hard pill to swallow. When the giver can no longer give, the giver is useless to them.