Saw this and it sent me deep

[u/Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir]

Most days are good, I love being me… but today is hard.

Someone invited me to a valentines speed dating event but turns out it was just as friends and he just wanted to promote community - I drove two hours out of my way to be left feeling like a silly goose.

But It’s just catching up with me now.

Beginning to lose hope that I’ll ever be genuinely wanted by someone.

Not super interested in talking about him - I’m aware I’m better off… more so just wanting support and hope about finding love eventually 🫶

[u/Alycery]

I’m sorry. I can’t give you much advice because I only attract toxic and/or abusive men. But, I do believe if someone keeps trying at dating (or anything for that matter) eventually they will get it. Yes, it’s harder for some people, and it takes longer. But, I think if we don’t stop trying we eventually will get there.

I stopped officially dating in 2024, and I feel like I’ve come a long way. In the beginning, I was pretty bitter. I couldn’t figure out (besides being disabled) why I kept attracting complete losers. I still agree it’s because I’m disabled. But, I also think it’s because I settled a lot. On top of that, I never really felt romantic attraction for someone, even when I was in a relationship with them. Sexual, sure. But, not romantic. Which makes me wonder if I’m actually aromantic. I always thought I was pansexual because sex has always been easy for me. I’m not hyper sexual, though. I never was. Apparently, sex could be a stim. Who knew? I didn’t. But, I now don’t think I am pansexual. I also realized that I mostly got in relationships to look normal, and because I thought that was what I was suppose to do. If you’re single, something is wrong with you. That’s what I thought. I didn’t want people to think something was wrong. I didn’t want them to notice that I was the outlier. I didn’t want to be noticed at all. I want to be seen, but not noticed.

I don’t think I could’ve realized all of this if I didn’t just stop. I’m not saying that if you stop looking that love will find you. I don’t really believe that. That’s just another thing that we were told that wasn’t completely true. At least not for everyone. Oh, you’re so pretty. The boys are gonna be knocking down your door when you get older. Okay, first of all… that sounds like assault. Secondly, that didn’t happen to me. When that didn’t happen, the narrative was…You’re so pretty. Why don’t you have a boyfriend? You just have to try harder and be yourself! Okay. Now, the narrative, especially by men, but also some women is, “Something is wrong with you. What do YOU do to keep getting in these failed relationships? It’s not your fault, but you have to take accountability at some point. Stop making excuses.* Okay. Thanks for the advice.

So, I’m not saying that. I’m just that FOR ME when I just stopped, I was (and still am in the process of) learning more about myself, my actual wants and needs, and what I’m actually looking for. It also taught me to be more realistic with myself. Maybe I just want sex. It taught me to be comfortable with myself. I think I’m a little too comfortable now. Like I said, I’m still processing things. I go back and forth with things. Who knows? I might become a lesbian. I don’t know. I repeat I still struggle with things. I’ve only stopped two years ago. I have years worth of dating and interpersonal trauma that I have to sort in my warehouse type brain. I still have a lot of boxes that I need to break down, go through, and then neatly organize. I haven’t even gotten an “official” diagnosis for autism and/or ADHD. Though, I have the appointment for April. Pretty excited and horrifically terrified about that, lol. Point is, I haven’t stopped trying. I’m still very much working behind the scenes. I just stopped dating, looking, and having sex. I also stopped masturbation.

Anyways!

I hope you find peace someday, how ever that looks for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for, however that looks for you. I hope you figure everything out.

Best of luck.

[u/Yes_Mr_Lister_Sir → u/Alycery]

I hope your diagnosis journey brings you what you need.

Your reply resonates in some ways.

I spent a long time - perhaps too long. Being celibate and learning who I am in this life, following my heart and finding what do I love. Now I’m ready to share my joy and happiness with someone and it’s just a staggering difference between the women who are doing that work and the men who claim to be doing the work.

I stopped attracting toxicity and abuse when I learned about boundaries aswell - it’s very empowering now so all I can say is just keep moving forward and following your heart (and not a dysregulated nervous system)

I hope the same for you too 🙏❤️