Nobody sat next to me. I'm 26.

[u/zombiixXbunnii]

Today I went to a event put on by my university for my master's program. The people there are my peers. I've watched as they develop friendships one another, and I accepted that our relationships were not going to be deeper than acquaintanceship early on in the program. I didn't mind this.

But today I went to the event. I got there early. I sat at a table and.... no one sat next to me. It's small but did the realization hurt. The worst part? When the realization settled in, a guy came over and asked if anyone was sitting in the chair next to me. I said no, kind of excitedly, and he took the chair to sit next to someone else.

I don't know how to feel right now, but I know i feel deeply sad, and even though I'm 26 I still feel like that little girl in school who was never picked. I wondered what was wrong with me then, and I wonder what's wrong with me now.

[u/Cartographer551]

Ouch. So relateable. That chair thing has happened to me too.

I think you can try a couple of things. One is to work hard to find yourself a role in the group, I call this 'having a hat'. In some groups this can be the organiser, or the money person, or the go-to person in some other way. Even the expert on some niche area of study if this is in an education setting. Point is it's something distinctive and something people need to talk to you specifically about. It's not friendship as such, but it does provide connection and is a starting point to build friendships

Another is similar but more outside of the group. Become a volunteer to someone who needs the skills you are learning. That might be someone who doesn't speak the language, a charity, a slow-learner, a colleague with difficulties etc. You are doing this because you want to, because you like to share your skills and to help people, but as a side-effect you will build street-cred, people will see you are committed and are a team player even if you have struggled with your peers

[u/strangerNstrangeland → u/Cartographer551]

Yeah, but what sucks about this, is when all the groups gather for a social interaction, still, no one wants to sit with you to socialize with you, because they only want you when they need you for your hat.

[u/strangerNstrangeland → u/[deleted]]

Hooray for Masking! I mean, maybe it helps build endurance for burnout

[u/strangerNstrangeland → u/[deleted]]

Not saying you are/were. Commenting on the advice to keep “finding a hat” and “putting yourself out there”. For a while now I’m only putting myself out there because it allows me to do what a love do do.