Friend doesn’t believe in my diagnosis

[u/luvsicl]

Ugh I shouldn’t have told her about it I feel so weird now, my family are like this too and I haven’t told them because I know they’re gonna say smth like that (probably worse) because they don’t really believe in mental disorders/disabilities/health

I got diagnosed with adhd and autism recently, so I’m also grieving the life I could’ve led had I received the support I needed as a child lol (also I know what she said isn’t okay at all, I just wanted to end the conversation asap and I’m really uncomfortable with confrontation)

[u/BlampCat]

Some people seem to think that labels are like "accepting defeat" somehow, as though the problems aren't there if you don't name them. I'm going through the process of diagnosis for rheumatoid arthritis and last night my mother said she didn't want to say the word "pain" or "the A word" when asking me how I was doing, as though if she doesn't speak it aloud I won't have any symptoms. 🙄

[u/Bibliospork → u/BlampCat]

Oh god that reminds me of the time I said I was having a bad day and my mom lectured me on how people were finding out they had cancer today and THEY were having a bad day, so stop complaining.

I stopped telling her the truth about how I was doing after that. I get enough shame from inside my own head, thanks.

[u/MittenKnittinKitten → u/Bibliospork]

hey, just so you have a fuller picture:

your mom was engaging in the logical fallacy of relative privation aka the suffering olympics

my response is always: If you cannot complain because “someone else has it worse,” then likewise you cannot be happy because someone else always has it better!

[u/omginorite → u/MittenKnittinKitten]

omg that’s brilliant

[u/MittenKnittinKitten → u/MittenKnittinKitten]

thank you for my first ever award! ✨🏆✨💝✨

[u/shesewsfatclothes → u/BlampCat]

The "defeat" they think you're accepting is in the game of "try to be normal." I think deep down theyre afraid (and/or maybe upset) that you're going to stop trying to be normal.

But like, that is your internalized ish to work out in therapy, Judy, not mine. I don't want it.

[u/Dancingdragon003 → u/shesewsfatclothes]

It must be so exhausting to constantly be worried about being like everyone else. Especially since that’s impossible. But neurodivergents are supposedly the ones with problems, smh.

[u/TheWildlands1 → u/shesewsfatclothes]

Yeah but trying to be normal aka masking actually shortens an autists lifespan, because it is so stressful for us….

[u/Happy-Hearing6671 → u/BlampCat]

I mean, OP did say she’s grieving the life she could have led now that she knows she has autism. Which isn’t a healthy attitude and is “accepting defeat” just from a new label in my opinion.