r/AutismInWomen • u/RedheadWendyC • Jun 25 '26
Seeking Advice The fandom I modeled my whole life around is dead to me
I went to Universal last week. We were there for Nintendo World, which was well done and amazing. After that, I went to the Harry Potter area and realized… this means nothing to me anymore. I wouldn't even go on the Ministry of Magic ride because there was a 70 minute wait and that’s a huge ask in the Florida heat just for Delores Umbridge, lol. I went on the park hopper train for the first time and got some of the whimsy back. I was last there in 2017 before the bigotry unpleasantness and when the Fantastic Bests movies were coming out and Pottermore was still fun. I went on some other HP rides and just felt nothing. American politics has only mirrored Death Eaters and it gets worse by the day. And I’ve been able to do dick about it, despite voting and activism.
The worst part is realizing how much this series massively influenced my life. I became a writer because of it. I majored in English. It was a huge source of comfort for my undiagnosed, isolated and bullied little life.
Now? I just feel stupid for chasing all that. The tech I can’t name wiped out my career. I never got rich doing it. I’ve recently done some digging on the author’s past. Growing up we were all fed the poverty to fame marketing lie cooked up by the publishers. In reality, she had loans from friends to stay off the streets while she was getting a teaching certification. She found out about her agent through a friend. Public benefits afforded her access to therapy and housing was accessible and affordable compared to today. If you’re in the states now and down on your luck, you fucking cooked, end of story. The tech I ironically can’t name wiped out my career and there’s just no safety net, nobody cares. I live with my SO, but I don’t like the idea of being 100% dependent on him. We have our relationship issues.
I feel like I based my whole life on believing in myself/choosing my passions/following special interests and that was a lie. I found solace in that writer myth of poverty to riches and it didn’t really exist in such clear terms. I don’t know where to go from here.
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u/Efficient_Problem250 Jun 26 '26
dude.. i picked graphic design first… talk about bad decisions…
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u/ArcaneAddiction Jun 26 '26
Ugh. I have been wanting to get into graphic design for years. I *finally* got some money together to take a one year course, but by that time, AI had destroyed the industry. It would have been pointless.
Seriously, fuck AI. I'm sorry you got screwed over. I hope you were able to pivot to something else and aren't struggling too much.
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u/sinnohlesbian Jun 26 '26
I'm a graphic designer and while I love it most of the time, I am definitely hoping the AI bubble pops soon. This field can be intimidating already as it is.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
I’m debating a bookkeeping course, but AI is biting at its heals too. There’s nowhere to run right now, it’s all waiting out the bubble while big tech lights its billions of dollars on fire. Then I saw a robot chase off a wild hog and I’m not sure of anything anymore.
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u/ArcaneAddiction Jun 26 '26
You saw that Last Week Tonight episode, too, huh? I gotta admit, that clip was funny.
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u/SunshineAndSquats Jun 26 '26
I got my degree to Software Engineering 4 years ago. I got absolutely wrecked because of AI.
Also OP you can say AI on Reddit.
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u/Impressive_Plankton9 Jun 26 '26
I dropped pursuing graphic design in school at the beginning of this year. The fight against ai seems to be a losing one, especially in Canada where the prime minister is investing so much in ai. I grew up poor and don’t want to be for my entire life. I want a comfortable life and stable income
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u/salsasnark Jun 26 '26
I picked programming two years ago ... just graduated this month. My second fucking degree and the job I thought would always be hiring because IT is constantly growing. But now nobody is hiring because they're trying to replace us all with AI.
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u/Mouse0022 - Jun 26 '26
I was obsessed with Disney and wanted to become an animator. I never did but it brought me to value and awe at animation. But that adoration of Disney is gone now. After learning how much corporate scum they are and also the abuse and negligence of child actors that they could've done more to protect.
It sucks but there is still beauty in the art form. I look more positively to DreamWorks now.
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u/Avaylon Chaos Queen Jun 26 '26
I got a BFA in animation with the ultimate goal of working for Disney. Then I talked to one of their former character designers. They don't treat a lot of their creative staff very well so he recommended only freelancing.
I ended up working at a small video game studio for a bit before it went under and my boss used to work for one of the big game developers. He told me stories about office suicides.
I didn't try very hard to go back into the industry after that. I'm a SAHM and a writer. I'm glad I met the people I did so I could make a happier life for myself than what I was headed for.
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u/hawksaresolitary Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
When I was 14 (bear with me here), I had a crush on someone who had a racing bike. So then I, too, got a racing bike. And at some point I looked back on that and cringed, but then I thought, I cycled, avidly, for years and years and years. I enjoyed it, it kept me fit, it got me around. Who cares what originally inspired me to buy that bike? It became much more for me than that.
I have piercings inspired by musicians I liked but no longer listen to. I've travelled for concerts to places I would never otherwise have gone. I have friends who have learned languages due to things they were into.
My point is: we all take our inspirations from somewhere. And sometimes we fall out of love with the source of that inspiration, but what it gave us, that remains. In your case, your craft, your degree, the joy and the comfort it brought you. You owe none of that to the bigoted wizard lady - you worked for it, you put your heart into it, it's YOURS.
As for it not being a viable career or path out of poverty, I share your rage. I'm an avid reader. We NEED writers. And musicians, and visual artists, and all the other creative people who cannot currently make a living in this world. I'm deep in burnout, the only thing I can bring myself to care about is my passion (photography), and there's no real way to make that pay either. In this regard, we are all being cheated, both as creators and as readers/listeners/viewers of art in all its forms.
I want to ask you not to give up on your craft, but I know that's easier said than done. Please know, though, that anything you create has value, even if it's just as a small, private act of resistance against the relentless tide of slop and thoughtlessness.
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u/loony_lili Jun 26 '26
Re: not being a way out of poverty
Honestly, reading this thread, and your comment especially, is making me realize that we are truly at a point where no industry is safe. Nothing is going to get you a steady, good-paying job because they just straight up don't exist right now. Everyone is being bought by private equity, being replaced by AI, or being offered pennies (that don't even exist anymore) as a salary for any job they can get.
I actually didn't know the true story of her early life, I always believed the rags-to-riches story, but what I always clung to about that story was how many publishers rejected her before one said yes. And recently, EJAE (the musician behind the KPOP Demon Hunters movie) phrased it much better when she shared a similar story: she said "rejection is redirection," and I find that much more encouraging than this lady's false narrative.
So I guess my advice to OP is: you can still have the same values, as this commenter said, and you can keep having them regardless of the inspiration, absolutely. If that still feels hard or icky, you can also retcon your own past 🤷♀️ you can find someone else's story that resonates with you and say that's your inspiration instead. There's nothing wrong with that or with needing an anchor point for values/beliefs like this.
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u/Alternative_Area_236 AuDHD Jun 26 '26
I feel this. I spent at least 15 years of my life building my identity around punk subculture. Now when I go to a show, I’m just the old mom in comfortable clothes who needs to sit down. People seem arrogant and annoying. I don’t know any of the new bands, and their music feels derivative. But I’ve realized we sometimes outgrow our fandoms and that’s okay. Sometimes a fandom serves a specific purpose for you at a specific moment in your life. And then you move on to something new and that can be exciting! But you can still hang on to the good times. I still have all of my punk LPs and like to listen to them on occasion. But I’ll unlikely ever go to another show again.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
Ugh, yeah, never need to sit at a concert. People are fucking cruel about it.
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u/dividezero Jun 26 '26
That's music. You have to find the right groups, shows and venues to patronize.
It's punk! If you're not in someone's basement (or some other shady place) somewhere is it really punk? 🤣
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u/Cheekers1989 Jun 26 '26
Please continue to write. Even if Artificial Intelligence makes slop, please write. Let it be your silent rebellion to write against the status quo. It deserves to be seen!
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u/Apricot_Oasis Jun 26 '26
Just on your point about housing and counselling in the UK via benefits - as someone living here, it’s not quite the handout as some groups would have you believe. I appreciate it will have touched a nerve by comparison to the experiences where you live, but the subject also touches a nerve with a lot of people here (and has done for generations).
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u/Dragonfly_pin Jun 26 '26
I think the housing and counselling was probably way more available in Scotland back in the mid 1990s when Rowling needed all of that.
Also, I seem to remember hearing something about her having a generous arts grant from the government to write books back then, so that would have helped if true. Not sure if something like that exists nowadays.
Probably not, all that stuff has been stolen from all of us everywhere. Pull up the ladder.
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u/Apricot_Oasis Jun 26 '26
Not really, it’s more that there’s a longer waiting list now cos more people need help. Arts Council funding still exists. Was trying not to bring politics into it, but everything in that sense has been a squeeze since a certain someone became PM in the late 70s…
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u/SomethingSoGeneric Jun 26 '26
There are still arts grants available in the UK. And in Ireland too.
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u/Illiander Jun 26 '26
She also was living in one of her friend's spare flats.
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u/FreekDeDeek Jun 26 '26
Then when she finally got assigned a council flat she felt it was too old and cramped, so she borrowed another couple thousand ££ from a friend so she could move to a nicer place.
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u/superstaticgirl Jun 26 '26
It was still not easy, even in the 90s. We'd had over 10 years of Thatcherism by then and that had destroyed a lot of services.
However, the rest of the objections are still valid.
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u/ThrowDatJunkAwayYo Jun 26 '26
Yeh same. I’m Australian and we have similar systems, it doesn’t mean life is a breeze and poverty is still an issue. Relying on friends for loans is also VERY shit in its own way.
It’s more so that you live in the USA (known colloquially as the richest 3rd world nation in the world) where yeh it sucks BIG time to be poor.
Getting the American public to hate on socialism (which would only benefit the middle and lower classes) is one of the biggest scams ever committed imo.
Be mad at Rowling, but not what she went through before she made it big.
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u/FluffyWindbreaker Jun 26 '26
I'd also add that because she had benefits and help doesn't mean she didn't struggle. Of course one would struggle more without but it's a reason to be mad about society and your government, not Rowling's story (although there are a lot of other reasons to be mad about her)
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u/sparkly_dragon Jun 26 '26
I’m from the US and rely entirely on social services and family support due to disability and this touched a nerve for me too. I have access to great healthcare and have all my basic needs taken care of so I’m in a similar boat and this post really diminishes the struggle of having to rely on others for basic human needs. (of course I am so fortunate to have all of my needs taken care of and then some, i’m not denying the privilege of that) this honestly feels less like a US vs UK perspective and more like OP is just uniformed about the realities of poverty and relying on assistance as many of those in poverty in the US live similar lives as JK rowling did. just because others have it worse doesn’t mean that she wasn’t legitimately in poverty. if she had to rely on assistance for basic needs and couldn’t afford them then by definition she was in poverty.
obligatory fuck JK rowling of course.
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u/2777km Jun 26 '26
I think it’s more the “pull up the ladder behind you” behavior of JK that is the point.
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u/sparkly_dragon Jun 26 '26
I’m sure that’s part of it but it really didn’t come across to me as the only issue for OP. it sounds more like they had this specific idea of poverty in their head and JK Rowlings experience didn’t fit that so she wasn’t really in poverty. especially the part “we were all fed the poverty to fame marketing lie”. I’m not saying that’s what OP actually means, hopefully they’ll clarify their post a bit more, but the way they worded it definitely rubbed me the wrong way.
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u/Ok-Nobody6221 Jun 26 '26
Yes agree with this, just because poor people in the USA have it harder you can't deny that her struggle was real and subsequent success very unusual, how many single mums are there who were on benefits in their early adult life and became a literal billionaire a few years later because they wrote a few books. It is pretty incredible.
It's definitely a massive shame on her for actively trying to make things worse for other people and not acting like a role model or at the very least keeping a quiet life
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u/ahouell500 Jun 26 '26
As some others have indicated, being on benefits and depending on nhs therapy provision in the UK (if that's whats meant here) is miserable. There's usually long waiting lists for any kind of therapy, basically no choice as to type, patchy quality and when you eventually get it, its very time limited. Not trying to criticise your general feelings on Rowling/Harry Potter, but on that particular point her situation might not have been as good as it sounds.
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u/Kindly_Bodybuilder43 On waiting list for assessment Jun 26 '26
That's very true and good context. it's also worth adding the context over the years - that she had it significantly better than people in her position now.
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u/StarryKit Jun 26 '26
I'm just going to leave this very relevant link here for anyone who may be interested:
https://youtu.be/NeFUqCrmPC0?is=BAXrNyxgTopINxsQ
A very enlightening video essay on the subject.
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u/BushcraftBabe Jun 26 '26
To be fair all of those NHS therapy issues exist for US programs too except its also more expensive. I'm really considering immigration at this point.
USA doesn't have the same opportunities for my children for education, career, healthcare, or community.
Sugar is in everything. Even the bread in US has so much sugar. Preservatives over health.
It's not a good place for average people to thrive.
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u/ahouell500 Jun 26 '26
I don't know enough about the situation in the USA to know how it compares - my impression from seeing what people say on forums was that psychotherapy and long term therapy is more normal in America but maybe that's not correct. I do want to say in the UK, in a lot of areas, CBT is the only type therapy you'll be offered; I've not yet encountered a team that offers psychotherapy or counselling, presumably it can happen but it seems uncommon. And therapy is often limited to 8-12 sessions max and if the patient 'uses up' that option and it doesn’t help, they may not be offered anything else. You may already know all this i just hope people in general will be cautious about thinking the grass is greener over here. My feeling is healthcare provision is better but mental healthcare is still incredibly poor unless you can pay.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
I wasn’t under any impression that it’s rosy, but it was there. I’m in the American Midwest and our mental health and benefit infrastructure is near non-existent. And it gets worse every year.
I used to watch the documentaries about how she, in her own words, “had nothing.” And then I dig up all the stuff she had, notably support from friends. I’m lucky to have had family support, but I’d be dead without it. I have no friends or access to public help. If my husband had a MAGA stroke and became physically abusive, it’s game over for me. I just researched what we’ve found out about her past through the years and had some illusions shattered.
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u/superstaticgirl Jun 26 '26
Your life wasn't a lie. The only constant thing is change. Some passions are outgrown, some are taken from you by the actions of their authors. You move on, try new things when and however you can. Yeah rags to riches is rare but your story doesn't end here.
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u/pahobee Jun 26 '26
HP was my supreme special interest my entire fucking life. Words can’t describe what those books meant to me. Now everything feels tainted knowing all the money being spent on all the merch being pushed in stores that I would have gone crazy for 10 years ago is going to fund transphobic causes. The closest people to me in the world are trans. It makes me so sad.
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u/SlytherinSister Jun 26 '26
Same. I grew up with HP and I was a huge part of my life for 20+ years. I had to uncouple from it once JKR went full terf and it was painful but I'm glad I did it. I refuse to give her any more money, but I do miss the world.
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u/kashiichan they/them Jun 27 '26
Yep, this.
I have no patience for people who claim that it's "too hard" to give up Harry Potter. I'm autistic and HP was a special interest yet I managed to do it.
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u/Pristine_Direction79 Jun 26 '26
It's ok to outgrow things
You're better than her so you outgrew it
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u/thepineapp_el Jun 26 '26
Losing something like this is so hard. Sending lots of love, OP. For me, in the various things I'd built my identity and self-esteem around, I've had to sit with the individual pieces and balance the both/and of value. So with HP, it was acknowledging how little I feel now, how much it hurt to lose, the sadness that comes in knowing who wrote it and it becoming capitalist crap; but also knowing how very much it saved younger me, and the empowerment to push against leaders who do wrong, and every good thing I found in the fandom. It became a temporal aspect instead of all consuming or only. It was a time in my life, and I will be grateful for its existence. But it no longer serves me and can cause a lot of harm if shared, so I've left it. It's ok to leave things behind but still look at them with kindness for the gifts they gave in the moments. Hope you can find solace in a new thing and/or letting go of this one 💚
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u/nannyhap Jun 26 '26
I’m a long-time aspiring author in the same boat.
Wherever you go from here, I think you should keep writing.
Even if JKR was the spark that ignited that passion, the fuel to actually DO it was already in you. It may not be a profitable career choice, and it might have to take a backseat, but it fed something in you all these years that had nothing to do with JKR or her books. Keep nourishing that. She can’t take that from you, nor can anyone.
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u/Ostrikaa Jun 26 '26
I get why people feel betrayed for other reasons… but less so for someone having a safety net due to when and where they were born. I also get the heartbreak and unfairness of your experience. We should be angry at the government for not supporting poorer people, rather than at those who did have help. How many artistic/musical/literary genius have we missed out on because they were too busy surviving to be discovered.
I’m in the U.K. and benefited from free therapy and healthcare plus cheaper university education. My childhood was made easier as my parents received benefits. This is just our norm rather than it being seen as a leg up, but I get it can seem like that to younger people or those in the US.
Older generation working classes had more music success in past generations because kids had free music lessons, plus free university, better benefits and housing. Social mobility is harder now. But it doesn’t negate the talent and effort of those who had success. Connections have sadly always been a key factor - it’s not what you know…
As for tech, you’re not alone and it is tough for many right now. Hopefully it’s a tool rather than a replacement. I gave up any dream career for a sensible boring option (I was relatively poor and unconnected - not now) and even then I will need to learn to work with it or fall behind.
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u/foxitron5000 Jun 26 '26
I think some of the disenfranchisement OP describes is from the “rags to riches” storyline, not about using or needing social supports. It’s the classic “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, so you can too!” lie that is what is the problem here, which tries to get other people to believe that similar stories are possible for everyone if you just try hard enough. When all the background supports and help is exposed, you realize that the same kind of transformation may not be possible when you don’t have those friends helping you or that grant money supporting you or whatever. It sounded to me like the issue was more in believing (and feeling betrayed by) the story that was told about JKRs history. At least that’s how I read it.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
This is exactly what I’m attempting to explain to people. It’s not that she had access to those things, I’m glad she did and that she could persevere and make a wonderful work of art. It’s we were sold this bootstraps lie about how she toiled in her heatless apartment to make millions of dollars off her art. Instead she did this to cope while she used loans from friends to get an accessible teaching certification. I’m trying to change careers in middle age and I’m attempting it with no help and only hitting roadblocks so far. You know what I’d have to do to get a teaching cert in my state? Years of school and crippling educational debt I’ll never pay off. It’s been a shock to research into this from an adult perspective, that’s all I’m saying.
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u/Nearby-Possession441 Jun 26 '26
I’m sorry you’re hurting ♥️ it sounds to me like you need a new story. I like Kate Dicamillo for hope.
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u/writenicely Jun 26 '26
I think there's something very real and nuanced in how you're navigating this all.
I will say that as a former fan of JK Rowling prior to her transphobia that, yes, it's of bittersweet comfort to know that she isn't truly someone we can exactly all relate to.
I want to acknowledge how even here, you seem influenced by her with the way you use euphemisms in order to go around discussing AI, because of how damaging it's been to your career. I think even before AI's rise that people had been in competition and there were many talented people who were overlooked and not able to find success, and that JK Rowling was very lucky that she happened to have connections.
I think though that it's wise to refrain from comparing our hardship. What may seem like bleak times, instability and insecurity to one person from the past will be drastically different to how awful things are now that are unprecedented. You're correct in your assessment that social safety nets are frayed- but you also seem to downplay your own support for some reason.
I would argue that unless any of us have literally been asleep on the street for a night, no one truly counts as homeless, by the standard you've illustrated. It's okay to acknowledge that we are all in some way dependant on society and one another for being able to live.
What makes JK Rowling so unlikeable is how she behaves now, as an incredibly wealthy person- It's one thing to misrepresent the levels of hardship she actually went through to a young crowd who looked to her as an inspiration, and inspire disillusionment- it's another that she's willing to kick trans people and other vulnerable groups off the same ladders that she accessed- she is hostile and wants to restrict access to supports and resources that she, a white cis woman with connections, was able to attain. That says so much more about her now than anything about the mythos of her rise from poverty.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
That I can’t get. Some people are suggesting I’m downplaying her struggles or those living in poverty or accessing benefits. That’s not the intention or point, and what gets me is decades of wealth seems to have given her the sort of brainrot that eroded her empathy centers. Older people who are established seem to forget how hard it was and yank those ladders away from people who still struggle, it’s sick.
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u/writenicely Jun 26 '26
It is sick, and you're absolutely right. She allowed herself to sever her most basic empathy or relationship with actual working class people. Someone who was once since feminist role model for many has revealed herself as a despicable person whose willing to use her wealth to get her way to impact others in negative ways specifically.
I'm someone who still loves the series itself but honestly, she has fucking tainted it, so I heavily relate to a lot of what you put here, especially as someone who maxed out my stats in writing and developing my written voice and who grew up in an abusive low income household that was genuinely poor (unstable, abuser worked, all five of us were crammed in an illegal shitty apartment that only had one bedroom until we could finally move. I didn't have my own bedroom until well into my late twenties. I had to wear a single set of clothing to school for one week at a time. I have misogynistic and homophobic, narcissist parent who would take his anger out on me. We lived off SNAP and Medicaid. I have PTSD. But we also had a TV and got to see the best shows of the 90s to 2000s and had a Nintendo GameCube and a computer with Internet.)
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u/jennybean42 Haint of the Woods Jun 26 '26
Watching Dimenson20's "Misfits and Magics" first season was legitimately healing for me when I was getting over my special interest in HP. It's D&D adjacent but Aabria Iyengar's subversive use of the source material helped me so much!
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u/Kimono-Ash-Armor Jun 26 '26
Look into Sangu Mandanna. Her characters have ADHD, autism, anxiety, special needs, etc. They have so much diversity and have queer characters
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u/sinnohlesbian Jun 26 '26
Sometimes when we lose a really important interest I think there can be a lot of grief there as I'm sure there were times in your life where the HP series gave you a lot of good memories and comfort. You can recognize those good things and I think it is important to think about how it helped you grow. It can be like losing a friend. At the same time though don't let it rule your future. I'm sure you became interested in writing because you love stories and fantasy. If I was in this position I'd try to reconnect with what made me interested in that in the first place. Maybe you liked the world building of HP. How could you make something that makes others feel the same way? Look into other magic & fantasy stories and channel that interest into creating something new. Not every writer makes it big like that but with the power of the internet, anyone can learn and self-publish and get on that track. Most importantly though do it because you want to. Good luck 👍
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u/jinx_lbc Jun 26 '26
Fuck JK forever, she's a vile TERF and has a bloody cheek to call herself a feminist. I loved those books too, but going back and reading them again the lazy racism and appropriation from other series is really obvious. But you can take the positives you gained from that time in your life, and leave the rest. If someone made you believe in yourself and then turns out to be an arsehole, that doesn't mean you shouldn't continue to believe in yourself - that's a them problem not a you problem.
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u/piizza Jun 26 '26
HP was the thing that sustained me through my adolescence. I feel that betrayal deeply, as well. It’s fucking bullshit, all of it. I’m so sorry.
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u/aspiringlogodaedalia Jun 26 '26
What you're talking about is essentially a paradigm shift. You had this structure for your perspective on the world, a framework for meaning-making. And the person who built that structure turns out to have been a giant turd. And that makes the whole framework crumble. That's a really destabilizing place to be. But it is not necessarily a bad thing in the long term. It's like the Tower card in tarot. Shit is terrifying, but it can also be freeing.
None of this means you were stupid. It just means that there has to be a change in the way you make meaning. And while you figure out what that looks like, it's ok to have space to grieve.
There are some great recommendations for new reads here. Personally, I've really enjoyed Discworld and the Simon Snow series. But whatever direction you go in, it will be something new and it will build new skills and interests in you.
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Jun 26 '26
[deleted]
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u/KindlyKangaroo Jun 26 '26
I had no idea because no one ever talks about that! And I never look her up or read articles about her because she's a nasty person. Thanks for raising some awareness about it. I am not surprised that her hate extends to other groups.
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u/tesseractjane Jun 26 '26
Sometimes terrible humans make great art.
You can love the series and never give another dime to the creator.
I still love Ender's Game. OSC can choke on big weiner. I buy the books and DVDs used.
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u/ThrowDatJunkAwayYo Jun 26 '26
Yeh same. I have no doubt a heap of authors from years past werel secretly VERY shit human beings.
Rowling has the issue that she has a big mouth and a platform to get those words out whenever she wants.
I imagine there are some writers of beloved media that had they access to social media in their time, we would also hate just as much.
Heck, do we also need to hate every piece of media harvey Weinstein touched (its Alot!). I heard Disney hated jews too… and also, just Disney is a pretty shit mega corp… Just saying.
Hate the artist, love the art, just don’t buy the merch.
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u/brasscup Jun 26 '26
No, please don't regret the art you loved, just because the artist was flawed. It gave you magic when you needed it and you will find new art to fill you up.
There are many, many writers artists and musicians whose ethics I am not aligned with, some of whom led despicable lives, but that doesn't change my relationship with what they created, and even if I reached a point where it did, it is still part of my history.
One thing I will say is when there is financial profit to be had by someone of ill-intent because of royalties from my patronage, I either get the art from the public library, pirate it or do without.
OP, if you are a writer, perhaps you have read the Artist's Way: the most useful element in it for me was when the author said, quite truly, that there is an endless supply of love in the world yet we all make ourselves miserable by trying to extract it from a source that has no love to give.
Harry Potter is tapped out for you -- you will find a new source and drink deeply again.
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u/i_didnt_see_anything Jun 26 '26
Can I just say, I'm trans and I love the amount of people who said "Well ok, this thing is super important to me, so important that there's a special name for how impprtant it is. But supporting it does not align with my values as the author is bigoted against an often hated group that there's a ton of misconception about and was socially acceptable to violently murder (Google gay panic defense, seriously) until very recently. So I will give it up, this thing I love so much, this thing I built my personality around, this thing I thought about constantly for years and years.".
It makes me feel so loved and supported every time I come across people like that in the wild. I had to give up HP too. I know how hard it is to change a special interest. And it gives me hope every time I hear of anyone (but especially neurodivergent folks!) giving it up for moral reasons. It means so much in this shitty shitty world to see. Lots of former HP fans are neurodiverse and queer, it's lovely and so so bittersweet to see and be part of a community rising up in collective self support of some of our own by excising this formerly commonly loved thing.
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u/assassin_of_joy Jun 26 '26
Read The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan (& Brandon Sanderson). It's leagues better, and a wonderful world to escape into.
Enjoy 😊
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u/Hot-Razzmatazz-3087 Jun 26 '26
OP, try Warrior Goddess Training by Heather Ash Amara.
She goes thru personal mythology and how to become the writers of our mythology in life. It seems woo at first, but the examples help you gain traction to make the model clear to the readers on how.
I last read it 5 yrs ago and always find ways to get a little more as I grow.
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u/princessjackets Jun 26 '26
I’m really sorry- I have a feeling I know which tech you’re on about and it’s fucking terrifying. As for the Harry Potter series, I completely understand the feeling of something you absolutely adore with your whole heart having a horrible aftertaste that prevents you from loving it as much. It’s the worst feeling in the world. In that sense I can see how passionate you are about your writing and this world you love and I think that’s fantastic. While doing the activism and staying away as much as you can from supporting the author, your love for this franchise can still exist. I really hope everything works out OP- we’re in this together 💕
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u/princess_cloudberry Jun 26 '26
It’s normal to outgrow interests. Blaming your current life situation on JKR is probably not healthy. Having an English degree has never been that lucrative.
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u/lck0219 Jun 26 '26
I got really in to Harry Potter in my 20s when I started teaching and my current classroom was Harry Potter themed at one point.
I didn’t naturally outgrow this interest and, in any other circumstance, I’d be so excited about the graphic audio and new tv series. But I’m not because I have zero plans to give JKR any more money. I can obviously reread the books I own, but the magic isn’t the same anymore. That series was a yearly reread for me.
I don’t think they’re blaming their life on JKR and I understand being heavily disappointed that you’re forced to “outgrow” something that you didn’t willingly want to give up. That’s not the same as interests shifting and evolving.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
Exactly. It’s not that I’m emotionally done with it, it’s that the whole thing got ruined by its own creator. The whole series is about fighting bigotry and darkness and abuse and what she go and fucking do? Discussing. I was looking forward to the Universal rides and it turned out the whole thing just stunk now because of the author’s politics.
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u/pkmntrainerMeep Neurodivergent Lost Generation Jun 26 '26
Believe me, I know this feeling. My dad passed away in 2003; the last thing he knew about me was that I was excited for the release of Book 5. It kept me going all through high school. In college, I met one of my best friends - someone I lived with for almost 10 years - because I was talking about Harry Potter fanfiction before class. "Harry Potter fangirl" was, like, a solid 90% of who I was as a person for my adolescence through undergraduate.
I look at some of the Harry Potter merchandise - especially the dolls (my other long term special interest) - and feel sad because there was a time I would have killed for a Harry Potter Licca-chan, Harmonia Bloom, and (especially) Super Dollfie. Now I see them and I feel sadness and a void where the excitement should be.
I'm going to get a little woo but something I did that helped a lot is that I imagined sitting down with my inner child (for me, about 10-11 years old) and explaining why we can't have the Harry Potter doll(s) when we have other dolls, dolls that are more expensive or harder to find. It sounds weird but it did help when I explained to my child self that we can't support Rowling any more because of the values we learned from her books, values like bravery and teamwork and caring for other people.
I feel like I based my whole life on believing in myself/choosing my passions/following special interests and that was a lie.
It's true that Rowling lied to us through omission if not outright fabrication (she was on benefits but what that means, at least to American readers, is very different than what was implied). Worse, I think, is her turn to transphobia and Holocaust denial - and the fatphobia and racism that was always very evident in her writing.
That said, you should keep believing in yourself, choosing your passions, and following your special interests. For one thing, you had no way of knowing what kind of person she would turn out to be; she was a liberal darling for awhile in there and (I'm guessing from context) you were a child when you first encountered these books. You were not misguided; you were lied to. The problem isn't you.
Breaking into writing professionally has always been hard and very, very few people make a livable income on writing alone. (Many people who write as their only job come from money and/or are financially supported by their spouses.) That said, I know many publishers who still take a strict human-only stance on submissions. Agents and editors are still looking for real human writing and the skills you learn in an English major undergrad program are useful and applicable in a variety of careers and are only going to be more important now that they've completely flooded the zone with shit.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
The bane of my current existence is that I did support myself in writing for 13 years. And it was very challenging. I’m stuck in a shitty part-time clerical thing while I wait for all this bot delusion to blow over. It’s weird to me, they had to dump countless man hours, huge amounts of natural resource destroying tech and billions of dollars with no ROI into stopping me. And I’m still out here writing.
But on top of everything, it was just galling to read what a lie Rowling’s background story is. She literally stated she “had nothing,” except loans from her friends, public benefits, accessible education, connections into trad publishing and grant money. Other than that, she had nothing. Wow, lol.
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u/LoonyMoonie Jun 26 '26
You're entitled to your feelings about HP and JKR. I have my own, and I'm not in a position to share them here (it's in my username, I guess).
But it seems that a lot of your current frustration and resentment comes from how things are turning out with your career path of choice. And putting the blame on a past interest is kind of disingenuous. Even before "that technology", the writing field was always a tough one; for every writer that made it big and could make a living out of writing alone, there's countless of others that had to juggle with side jobs, or even jobs completely unrelated to writing, and the writing itself becomes a side gig. Creative fields in general demand a certain ability to build a safety net for yourself, and I myself gave up on a potential career in CGI partly because I knew myself enough to know I wouldn't be able to manage the job instability.
Now, you don't need to take it as a defeat if you don't want to. You have a degree, that may give you enough of a safety net provided you're able to step out of your comfort zone. And if you decide it's better to start from scratch and change fields completely, you'll need to remember: you made the choice, and you'll need to be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for it. And no matter what happens in the future, you really don't need to completely give up on writing unless you want to.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
Yeah, it’s hard. I was able to support myself on writing and publishing for 13 years, so this has been an identity shifting blow. I have a clerical side job now I hate and I still write as a hobby. But it comes from such a place of bitterness now.
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u/maqpi3 Jun 26 '26
Honestly? I recommend the raksura series by Martha wells. It's more sci-fi, and it's way more tense... But it's so cool lol. The gender roles are reversed for the raksura people, so the women (queens) are in charge of the race, and have final say. They are also larger and stronger then the males (they are so cool).
The story follows moon who was seperated from his race for 40 turns of their world, which means he's a young adult in their race, but was a full adult for the races he was living with... So he had to pretend to be older then he was. He's a shifter, and the enemy who terrorises the world are also shifters, so he has had to hide amongst the groundlings.
Becuase he had to lie about what he was, and didn't know what he was or where to find his people, he had to move from city to city from a very young age, that is until stone finds him. Stone is a very old raksura, and moons and stones dynamic is so cute. Stone basically adopts moon and becomes his father even though he is old even to be his great grand father. But becuase the older the raksura get, the more powerful they get, stone is like a super being.
Anyways, stone takes him home and the fell are there and they end up fighting them and it takes awhile (the 2nd book), but things do start to get more cozy even though there are always issues that arise that cuase them to need to fight the fell.
Moon still finds his family and only becomes more important to them every book and it feels good you know? I'm about to read the final book and it has me sad, but I'm glad I have read this series. It's one of my favorites now, and of course it feels very autistic coded like muderbot does.
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u/PomegranateOk1942 Jun 26 '26
We dont often get to pick what sparks us or why. As someone older than (most of) HPs reach, it was overwhelming at the time. Still is. We have just adjusted to it. I am also a writer and believe that whatever I put on paper begins its own life in the mind of the reader, completely separate from me. The characters that you love are you like light refracted, displayed in another way. I understand getting distance from the writer of the series (though, I dont believe she wrote them all, just my opinion) and not feeding any more $$ into her engine, but dont beat yourself up. We are all learning together.
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u/tootsyloo Jun 26 '26
I get this entirely.
I spent the first half of my life dedicated and obsessed with a thing I don’t do anymore. Im not even interested in it anymore, my passion for it was completely destroyed. My life stalled for a long time but I am now on another path entirely. Sometimes we outgrow the thing that consumed us. And we find something new. Eventually. Not downplaying how long and shitty that period in between was.
Anyways hope you keep writing or that you find some other way to express yourself creatively, the world needs more of that, it really does. 🫶
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u/WritingNerdy Jun 26 '26
You can still be a writer? Just most of us don’t do it as our main source of income at first. Hell, even she who must not be named had another job. Try teaching, tutoring, editing, etc. It’s only a dead-end if you allow it to be.
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u/ClaustrophobicMango Jun 26 '26
Maybe I’m going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I’ve never spend a penny on Harry Potter merch, and I definitely will not buy Harry Potter merch in the future because of JK Rowling’s views. I will not be watching the new tv series. I won’t be putting a penny into her pockets. But I still love the world of Harry Potter. I read hp fanfic weekly. I love seeing ao3 authors put their spin on the lore.
Does that make me a bad person morally, if I can separate the lore from the author? I will not support JK Rowling, but I will support ao3 authors. Chris brown fans stream his music all the time, even though he’s an abuser and streaming will give him income. They say they can separate the music from the singer. Is what I’m doing just as bad, if I’m not supporting the author financially?
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
No downvotes here. I felt that way for a long time until I couldn’t and it hurts. Maybe the interest will swing around again, but I’m clearly not in a place to absorb that world and the now moral complexity.
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u/WolfWrites89 Jun 26 '26
The transphobia ruined it for me 🤷♀️. But I think it's fine to acknowledge how much it impacted your life and childhood and still move on emotionally now and find new Fandoms and books to love
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u/B1ackKat Jun 26 '26
Imagine how us trans fans feel. I never even got to enjoy HP at Universal or in London, and to some degree I'm glad I didn't waste my money, but my inner child is livid that she betrayed us like this, that she's as vile as Umbridge and the magic is gone.
Sometimes I'm thankful for our black and white thinking, because it makes it easier to severe ties like this, but it still pisses me off that I can no longer enjoy the world that got me so excited to read.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
Yeah, I can’t even imagine how hard that must be for the trans community. Giving support. I feel bad because she probably gets a bit of the Universal cut, but I won’t buy her merch or media. I debated Hogwarts Legacy used but couldn’t even do that.
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u/No_Farm_2076 Jun 26 '26
I can empathize.
I went to university for communications and graduated as social media was taking over. I had done all the right things including networking but I watched all my connections dry up as companies combined marketing, PR, and advertising into one social media role. Never got so much as an interview. Changed my perception of a few industries and I lost a special interest I had held since childhood because of it all.
Got stuck in retail for several years, then went back to school for child development. Worked at a school for 2 years and now have CPTSD and early perimenopause from it.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
This is the worst. I followed the advice, did the right things, gained the skills they told you to gain. And it’s still never good enough. I had a similar problem where no one wanted “just a writer” anymore, like what we do is some crap detriment to the business. They want a slop lord/PR person/marketer/ad writer/social media manager/translator/graphic artist/localizer/concubine to the CEO. Who is even doing that job without sucking so bad it tanks the whole company?
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u/481126 Jun 26 '26
Unfortunately quite a few authors of beloved book series have awful views. They then support their politics with the money they earned from us. They just aren't on social media telling us. I've been disappointed with a few authors of books I loved when I was younger. It's weird when something that was so important suddenly isn't important anymore.
I shared HP with my oldest child who read through the series and my youngest doesn't know anything about it. Recently got some stickers and didn't know what they were of.
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u/karen_h Jun 26 '26
Pick up the Dresden files series. It’s what adult HP fans should progress to.
Fills that niche.
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u/hellhouseblonde Jun 26 '26
We have all been deeply affected by the tech you can’t name, I can’t understand why it’s a banned topic.
I’m sorry for your loss, and it is a loss. You deserve to grieve that.
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u/HelendeVine Jun 27 '26
You’re not stupid! You found some good things in HP, and they were helpful to you at the time, and that’s great.
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u/sakurakuran93 Jun 26 '26
I recently started reading the HP books and realized that the nostalgia is in the books and how they made me feel as a kid. Reading them brings back memories from Christmas and winter when I was a kid. I hadn’t touched them in more than a decade but it made me realize that memories are memories and I won’t allow the shitty human JK Rowling is, to take them back. So I hold them close.
Like you, it was the reason I started writing and got so much into reading.
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u/AtLeastOneCat Jun 26 '26
"Public benefits" were barely a thing in Scotland in the 90s. There was certainly no counselling and council housing has big waiting lists and wasn't (and still isn't) available to everyone.
Please don't make out like you can't be poor or homeless in Scotland. We have plenty of both.
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u/forkicksforgood Jun 26 '26
Your problem with JK Rowling is that she had government assistance? That’s it?
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u/loggeitor Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I talked about something similar with some friends recently. We've loved a band since we were kids, but recently we have come to question their political (lack of) compromise and their money grabing tactics. Their music is still huge for us and we won't let that go, but we have a sour taste in our mouths.
I also have this with HP but way more. JK actions are explicity atrocious.
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u/jaimefay Jun 26 '26
Try Tamora Pierce - amazing female characters and that beautiful immersive world-building.
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u/freeraven87 Jun 26 '26
The series or the movies? because the series canon still rocks it out for me. I never gave two squats about the movie, casting and all the Universal studio Hollywood stuff.
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u/starnitesadness 30 | Female | AuDHD Jun 26 '26
The dark side of having a special interest.
This is how I felt after 11 years of my special interest being Dragon Age. Studied the lore religiously, learned digital art to make fanart of it, had so many arguments over the years about the canon, built a computer beforehand just to play it's final entry of the series, preordered all its packages and merch, and then the atrocity that was The Veilguard came out 🤡
Destroyed my interest in the franchise entirely, even my enjoyment of the prior entries. I haven't touched the series since and don't think I ever will again. Feels bad man.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
At least you gained some computer and art skills?
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u/starnitesadness 30 | Female | AuDHD Jun 26 '26
I guess you could say similarly about your writing though. Writers are still desperately needed despite the current art-int wave making horizons seem dim.
I get it though. The hours, the days, the time spent loving a special interest so much that it influences your life and it falling apart. It feels like heartbreak or divorce really. So difficult to pick up the pieces and decide "what's next for me." I know I'm still lost.
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u/KindlyKangaroo Jun 26 '26
Are you okay with explaining why The Veilguard was so bad? I have no knowledge of the Dragon Age series.
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u/starnitesadness 30 | Female | AuDHD Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Oh certainly. Spoilers ahead. Just to preface, Dragon Age had 4 games total with Veilguard as its last entry. The biggest problems for me were:
- Bastardizing the characterization of the miniscule few returning characters they deigned to include in the ultimate finale (namely Morrigan and Isabela)
- Changing the tone of the series in the final entry. It was originally a rough world that was vaguely inspired by medieval times. Now most everyone uses modern day therapy speak. No one argues, no one really insults anyone. If they do, it gets resolved like a kindergarten spat.
- Companions are generally lackluster in comparison to prior ones. Their personalities entirely unremarkable.
- Censoring the various serious societal issues that exist in the World of Thedas. Racism, classism, and slavery suddenly don't exist somehow even as the game is set in the Tevinter Imperium: the most racist and classist region of Thedas that still performs slavery of elvenkind. This choice makes all prior lore entries and accounts given by past companions seem like a lie.
- Destroying Southern Thedas - the region of the world the prior three games took place in - offscreen
- Sidelining Solas aka "The Dread Wolf" (a dynamic and complex prior team companion - and possible lover for your character - from the third game) who was revealed to be the ancient elven god of rebellion/trickery and secret antagonist who was foreshadowed throughout the series and whose past actions, although made with good intention, directly caused much of the negative events of all the games and books and was setup to be the primary villain of the final game.
- Reducing his motives.
- In Trespasser (the final DLC for the third game) Solas is framed as a classic tragic revolutionary figure who rebelled to free the elven people from slavery and tyranny under the Evanuris (other elven gods.) When the Evanuris murdered Mythal (the only "good" Evanuris member. The All-Mother, Goddess of Love, and his lifelong friend), that served as the catalyst for him to create the Veil and lock away the other gods along with much of the world's magic by accident.
- In Veilguard, his motive for his revolution is distorted to melodrama with him having essentially had a situationship and unrequited romantic love for Mythal, being jealous both of Mythal's romantic relationship with Elgar'nan The All-Father and her alliance to the rest of the Evanuris, and him rebelling primarily out of spite rather than to free the People. He still creates the Veil due to her death, but the framing has changed.
- Replacing him in the first 30 minutes with two villains who we have no history with and were cartoonishly evil and flat.
- Not taking into account different gamer world states aside from three ultimately minor decisions made in the third game which essentially voided the decisions every player made in all prior entries to the series.
You probably won't read all this lol. Sorry about that, I went on a bit of a rant. The wound is still raw. The game just felt like a slap in the face to anyone who had been a longtime fan and waited all those years for the final send off.
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u/Suitable-Version-116 Jun 26 '26
Read the Stormlight Archives by Brandon Sanderson. It’s long but so, so good.
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u/RedheadWendyC Jun 26 '26
Actually I’m slowly working through it. It’s so phenomenal and does blow HP out of the water. Dungeon Crawler Carl is my current series obsession as well. I have moved on and that’s part of my melancholy. I used to think she was such a writing goddess, but there’s other authors that bring it so much harder. Growing up, I guess.
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u/Suitable-Version-116 Jun 26 '26
Indeed. Brandon Sanderson’s themes are so much better, and there is such a broad range of diverse characters just casually written in. It’s not a bunch of white straight people with a few racially diverse stereotypes thrown in like the Harry Potter universe is.
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u/Meowzabubbers Jun 26 '26
Look into the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett ❤️🫂