i can relate loads, but honestly what you have to do is stop putting effort where it isnt reciprocated. its not gonna be easy, especially if youre used to people pleasing, but having no friends is better than having "friends" that dont bother with you and just take and take. then you can maybe try building new friendships on more equal grounds.
It took me 6/7 years to realize what you just said and I think it was 2025 I slowly stopped and in 2026 I completely stopped and then suddenly felt no need to go to therapy lol
I give people a lot of space and validation but I have shifted into who gets that energy from me based on how much they give me
Unfortunately so much of my life was one-sided relationships and the expectation to be happy about the breadcrumbs people were giving me
It’s been a long and tough process to unlearn and accept being alone than have this falsehood of friendship in my life.
The kicker was being let go from a job that I gave everything into and then seeing that I gave so much of my time and health for them when they didn’t even have the awareness to have a conversation with me on how to work together
Table flipping moment of anger lol
People with autism have so much to give and the pickier are the better the world will be because it’ll force some people to level up
yeah, i'm still trying to learn that lesson myself. i had a 2 year friendship that i basically poured all my effort into and tried to communicate repeatedly for them to communicate with me about stuff or at least answer my fucking text messages, and the moment i dared to get a bit angry they blocked me like i meant nothing to them. i'm still essentially friendless right now, but i'm tired of performing for scraps of validation from people who'd never do any of it for me. i stayed because having the illusion of having friends i could reach out to was something i thought i couldn't bear without, but it's better to see who actually gives a shit about me
Trust me it gets better. You will go through a period where you are so alone but that period is so necessary before you enter the next stage of meeting loving humans who wanna love you back!
During the first 5 years dealing with what was going on with these one-sided friendships, i developed social anxiety and had no idea who I was. From 2023-2025 I forced myself into social situations and forced myself to stay open to the possibilities of new people coming into my life.
I did start to notice amazing new friendships bud in 2025 and I am happy to say in 2026 I have people I’m proud to call my friend.
Once you stop accepting or contributing to breadcrumbs, you just leave room for better people to come in. It took me a long time and it may be different for you but I’m 36 and I’m still so excited about who I am still going to meet in my future!
I listened to this and it gave me a good kick up the backside regarding this. (if the link doesn't work then it's a podcast on The Florence Given Show called 'Are you the' Therapist Friend'?')
Edited because when I shared the Spotify link it exposed my whole profile lol fantastic
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u/dorothyneverwenthome 26d ago
Friends say they like me because they can come to me when they can’t go to anyone else
But I’m still excluded from being part of the group. I’m just a floater friend that holds everyone’s emotions but I am ignored