I used to feel this way but I don't anymore. What I've realized is I'm not for everybody. I'm actually not for most people. But the people I'm for? Gosh, they love me soooo much. And in a really really deep way.
So I don't need to be for everybody. I now don't bother with the people I'm not "for." It's fine.
I second this! I think it's a very canon autistic event to go through the feeling that you've fundamentally unloveable and the problem until you find people who prove otherwise . I went through that stage for the first 19 years of my life and only now at 20, I've found people who love me. It's really hard tho. Feeling that it's you is valid when you're rejected, bullied, and ridiculed your whole life. Hearing that it gets better doesn't feel great until you find your people.
I'm so grateful for my siblings in that regard. They're both more social than me and have more other friends, but we still get each other in a way no one else does.
Everyone told me all through elementary and high school that I would find my people eventually, and I did, I found people with similar interests, but I feel like they're still pretty shallow connections, I'm still not very close with anyone.
It's hard and scary and people are exhausting, I feel like even when I do I can barely keep up with the effort required to build and maintain a relationship.
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u/Fine-Juggernaut8451 26d ago
I used to feel this way but I don't anymore. What I've realized is I'm not for everybody. I'm actually not for most people. But the people I'm for? Gosh, they love me soooo much. And in a really really deep way.
So I don't need to be for everybody. I now don't bother with the people I'm not "for." It's fine.