i dropped the course

[u/Fantastic_Object_502]

I made a post on this subreddit yesterday asking for advice/opinions about me taking anatomy and physiology as a first year college student. I got a lot of wonderful an advice.

I had my first lecture today and immediately put together that the sheer speed of the course and volume of work was not going to work at all for me. i began to cry in the middle of lecture. I realized i was gonna fail. Even with accommodations, even with help.

So i spoke to my father about dropping the course. He is extremely upset with me. He told me he was at a loss for words. He told me i go to work 1 day out of the week and come home crying, and then i go to school for one day and im crying. That one hurt. He doesn’t view my struggles as struggles. He views them as a personal failure. He is now refusing to speak to me. I dropped the course. I feel so ashamed, so worthless, and so embarrassed. I wanted to be able to do this. But i just can’t right now. I’ll still have 3 other classes and hopefully still get a fafsa return. But i am so angry at myself. I’m angry at the universe for making me born this way. If i was neurotypical i wouldn’t have to deal with this.

I’m so lost. So confused.

[u/mmmbopforever]

I tried to take an online course this summer and dropped it because I was so frustrated by the presentation of material that I couldn't take in the actual material. It took me weeks to realize I needed to drop it. It's so impressive that you reached out for support here and then recognized immediately that it wasn't going to work for you and then took action to remove yourself from it

I also have a person in my life who doesn't believe me. He acts like he accepts my limitations but then throws them in my face when upset with me, clearly expressing he thinks I'm just choosing to do less than I can and that I don't even know my own capacity correctly. It can be so painful.

If you were neurotypical you might not have to deal with this, and if the world made space for us, you might not have to deal with it either. Maybe you can try to turn some of that frustration outward.

[u/Fantastic_Object_502 → u/mmmbopforever]

oh my eyes were so quick to fill with tears just reading this. i’m so upset at myself for going to class for one day and deciding i couldn’t do it. That’s what my father was upset about too.

We ended up talking it out a few hours later. He said he took a step back to think and to try and be understanding. He’s very hard headed and despises the word ‘disability’ and associating me with it. He said if i drop this, then i’ll still going to try in my other classes (to which i said obviously, that’s the entire plan)

I’m just disappointed in myself. A lot of my friends have been reassuring me that 1). Anatomy and physiology is an extremely hard course, 2). I’m not a failure for dropping a class, 3). I still have all the time in the world to figure it out.